"AITA for refusing to cater to my girlfriend’s food preferences?"

I (28M) have been with my lovely gf (29F) for 3 years, we moved in together about a year ago. Aside from this issue, our relationship is perfect. She’s a smart, compassionate, and successful woman and I love her very much. I work part-time while my gf works full-time as a nurse. As such, I have taken up more of the chores around the house, including cooking. I love to cook so I have no issue doing it.

However, my gf’s food preferences are so insanely restrictive that it has sucked the joy out of cooking for me. She refuses to eat anything she deems “unhealthy” which means no spaghetti, no hamburgers, no sloppy joes, no chili, nothing. Our go-to meal is grilled chicken with fresh veggies, which is delicious, but not “I’ll eat this 7 days a week” delicious.

I’m so bored of eating the same meals over and over. Anything with “too many” carbs? No. Anything greasy? No. A few times I’ve made my family’s lasagna, or grilled some hamburgers, stuff that I want to eat, and my gf would blow up at me and refuse to eat and guilt me about it.

I have reached my limit. I haven’t eaten something I like to eat in almost a year. I sat her down a few days ago and said I was going to start cooking things I want to eat. I would still incorporate her favorite meals during the week, but some days I would cook stuff that I liked too.

She was furious. She said that it was unfair of me to cook something she doesn’t like, especially when she works long shifts and looks forward to dinner. She said that we both eat the healthy meals, whereas she would not eat the unhealthy meals, so I’d be selfish for cooking something that only one of us could eat.

She asked me to make two meals. I said that it was unfair for her to expect me to cook two separate meals every night. I said she CAN eat the unhealthy meals, she chooses not to. I told her sorry, but if I’m cooking, I want to make things I like sometimes too. She was so upset that she went to stay with her parents.

Now she is calling me an AH as well as her family (they all eat only healthy meals). I just miss hot dogs and french fries! AITA?

EDIT: I also cook and pack my girlfriend’s lunch, as well as prepare breakfast on days she is home. So I am cooking three times a day on most days. I am fine with cooking what she wants for breakfast and lunch, but I would like to have a day or two to choose what we have for dinner.

Cooking two separate meals is not only time-consuming, but not exactly financially feasible since groceries are expensive, especially the ingredients she needs for her meals. I am burnt out and just want to enjoy food I like every once in a while. I work 30ish hours while she works 45-50 hours. I do all chores except her laundry. I go to the gym 4x a week and am not unhealthy. We split finances 60/40.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Ghitit said:

NTA. Geez she's rigid! "I haven’t eaten something I like to eat in almost a year." You are an infinitely patient person. Cook healthfully four days a week. Then cook what you want three days. Let her take care of her own dinner. She's being completely ridiculous with her demands that you cook two separate meals. She has days off, right? Let her cook for you on those days.

OP responded:

Yes she does have days off, but she believes since she works full-time that she should not be responsible for cooking ever, which would be totally fine if she wasn’t so strict in what she’ll eat. I would be happy with even one or two days of meals i like! Sometimes I just want a good ol hot dog.

throwaway20698059 said:

Why on Bob's green earth can't your gf eat a leftover dinner? Cook a bit more on one night so she can eat that again the next night and you can have your frozen pizza. Or why can't your gf cook for herself one or two days a week on her days off?

Or why can't you have your hot dogs and chili for your solo meals since you work part-time? NAH. Just two people who lack the conflict resolution skills necessary for a successful relationship.

OP responded:

I also cook lunch for us and pack her lunch so it has to be healthy too. Which means I don’t really have solo meals and would still have to cook two separate meals. She thinks because she works more she should not have to meal prep or cook ever. Which would be okay if she wasn’t so strict in deciding what we eat.

I didn’t think about cooking a little extra so she can reheat it the next day so I will bring that up and see if she likes that idea. Thank you!

bunnyhopskip said:

NTA and I think your girlfriend is being unreasonable. I saw in one of your comments that she works full time to slightly more than full time hours, so not 7 days a week. Why can't she batch cook a couple of chicken breasts on a day off so you can enjoy your burger and she had something really available?

Relationships are about compromise and I couldn't imagine forcing my spouse to eat only what I want every day. That's unfair and that's why it makes her the AH, not the boring ass meal she chose.

OP later shared this update:

I talked to my girlfriend. It did not go well. She came home this morning and we sat down to discuss this. She was very hostile from the start and kept asking if I’d “come to my senses.” I remained calm and showed her this post to explain my POV and see if we could come to some sort of agreement.

She was beyond pissed. She straight up told me she did not want to compromise and my options are cook two separate dinners or eat healthy with her. She said “I’m too lazy” and “she works more so it’s only fair.” She was very angry that I’d posted our “private issues” for all to see.

When I mentioned trying to cut down our grocery bill so that we could meal prep separate meals (still not ideal but a compromise), she said she did not want to “settle for less fresh healthy ingredients.” Which means no frozen veggies and everything has to be organic, which means I can’t afford to be preparing separate meals.

I asked if she could handle breakfast and lunch herself so we can eat separately. Nope, I work less so I need to do all the cooking. I also asked her if she’d consider seeing a doctor about her anxiety disorder and possible eating disorder. She vehemently denied that there was an issue and that I was the problem in this scenario.

She says she “just wants to eat healthy and be healthy, like she has her whole life.” She left to go back to her parents where she says and I quote “they actually care about my food preferences.” Not sure what will happen from here but I appreciate the help and advice all of you have given me.