Man accuses GF of cheating when he finds her in bed with male friend, then she reads his texts. AITA? + UPDATE
"I caught my girlfriend sleeping in bed with her male friend after she told me she wouldn't."
My girlfriend and I have been together 3 years, and for the past year we've lived together in a studio apartment in a major US city. My girlfriend has a close male friend from college who lives a couple states away, and apparently he was going to be coming to our city on Memorial Day weekend to go to a convention.
She asked if he could stay over in our apartment to save money and so they could hang out more. I was already planning to do a solo visit to see family that weekend, so I wouldn't be around. I asked about sleeping arrangements, she said she'd get an air mattress for him to sleep on.
So, that was last weekend. I went to see family like I had planned and her friend stayed at our place with her. She texted me a couple of pictures from the convention, so I know they did both go.
I told my gf I'd be back Monday afternoon, but I decided to leave a bit early and got back Monday at around 8am. I walked in, the air mattress was crumpled up in the corner, and my gf and her male friend were sleeping together in our bed.
This obviously caused a huge blowup. I am not proud, but I did yell at her, because it was such a huge shock to walk in and see that. She told me she didn't do anything, the air mattress started leaking and she didn't feel like going out at midnight to try and fix it.
And she said that it should be obvious that nothing inappropriate happened because he was above the covers and she had a pillow between them. The guy said nothing happened, I told him to let me look through his bag to see if he brought condoms and he basically said 'piss off' and left.'
Now it's the following weekend and everything is still tense. I don't know if my gf cheated or not and idk what to do, she is angry that I am accusing her of cheating and says she's sorry for not texting me about it at the time but she didn't think it was a big deal. I pumped up the air mattress and it does have a little hole in it, but it could have been made on purpose? I don't know what to think.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s initial post:
Come on man if you are going to sit there and accuse her of making it leak on purpose, then you just need to breakup because you will never, ever trust her again.
Make the leak on purpose AND then set up this intricate covers/pillows sleeping arrangement, all of it just in case OP happened to come home early while they were asleep.
AntiqueParamedic (OP)
It might not sound like it but I am really trying hard to convince myself that nothing happened. But if you have never walked in on your girlfriend in bed with another man, you can't understand what it feels like to see it and how quickly it shatters trust.
You got back a "bit" early at 8am? You purposefully got home "very" early so you could find something it sounds like you were looking for.
Dude, if it quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck. And what I mean here is, FFS, air mattresses deflate. There was a pillow between them, he was above covers? GF went beyond and over to make sure nothing happened, and you blow up at her?
You should be ashamed. To be completely honest, a mattress deflates in the middle of the night, I call whoever friend and say "just stay here" and not care about pillows in the middle or not. Get your jealous self together, man.
Almost three weeks later, the OP returned with an update.
So, you guys convinced me that the situation that my girlfriend was describing was true. I came around on the fact that it was really paranoid of me to think that they deliberately put a hole in an air mattress and concocted that whole sleeping situation with him over the covers and the pillow separator just in case I got home early.
Basically, I feel like if she actually did cheat she would have just had him sleep on the air mattress after. I apologized to my girlfriend and called her friend and apologized for acting like a jealous freak.
I got a pretty lukewarm response from both. I tried to go back to normal over the next couple weeks but my girlfriend was cold towards me. I tried to initiate a conversation but all I got was "If you don't trust me, why should I trust you?"
This past weekend, she broke up with me. She went through my phone while I was in the shower and found some texts from a boneheaded one-time mistake I made over two years ago, and that was enough for her.
She has gone to live with a friend in our city until we can work out what to do about the apartment. We're both on the lease, and neither of us can afford to live here by ourselves, and it's a studio so we can't just bring in another roommate. So, not the happiest update. Now I'm trying to figure out where I am going to live and kind of wishing I had never even opened my stupid mouth.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s update:
"This past weekend, she broke up with me. She went through my phone while I was in the shower and found some texts from a boneheaded one-time mistake I made over two years ago, and that was enough for her."
Holy cow this is so god damned funny. I'm sorry his gf had to go through that whole relationship with him, because between him accusing her of cheating when she pretty clearly didn't while he himself cheated I'm sure he was a real peach the whole time.
Lmfao of COURSE he's the cheater.
I mean, you got mad at her for supposedly cheating, yet you cheated yourself. Of course it was enough for her. You're down playing what you did.
"I honestly felt that it was kinder not to tell her and to commit to being a better boyfriend rather than break her heart over something that did not have to define us."
Spoken like a true cheater and a first rate hypocrite!
Well it's a happy ending for gf, because OP is such a bumbling donut lol. He sucks.
I’d be going thru his phone too. He was projecting so hard here. I feel it is no coincidence that he arrived at 8AM vs the afternoon like he told her. He’s a cheater so he assumes she must have cheated. Asking to search the guys bag for condoms is completely unhinged.