'AITA for celebrating my sister and her autistic son leaving my house after a weekend visit?'

"AITA for celebrating my sister and her autistic son leaving my house after a weekend visit?"

For context I (38m) live several hours from my sister (34f) and we only see one another a few times a year. We both have 3 kids and demanding careers so we just don’t have the time like we used to when we were young adults.

Our kids are all also very close in age. Her youngest is 4 and has autism. He has a great vocabulary and overall I think he does pretty well socializing with other kids at this point in his development. He is pretty sweet most of the time but he struggles regulating his emotions. The slightest amount of resistance to his plans or “wants” will cause some pretty crazy meltdowns.

He just doesn’t want accept the word “no." I realize this has to be so tough on my sister in day to day life. I can’t imagine. However, my issue with this last visit to my house was that she just didn’t do anything to stop his destructiveness. She sat there on her phone just scrolling TikTok while he was crashing out in my house.

I take a lot of pride in keeping our house not only clean and organized but just the overall condition looks new still (built 2 years ago). He would slam doors so hard it would shake the walls. Threw remotes, hard toys, random tools etc and put dents in the drywall. Seemed to intentionally shake his cup of apple juice to get it on the floor every single time she gave him some.

He threw trash and food down in the floor as well. Tormented my cat by pulling his tail and poking him with toys. It was just overall stressful af. I told my sister I wished she would try to help discipline him just a little instead of me standing over him waiting for the next thing to clean up or try to keep him from destroying.

She got all butthurt and made the comment that “I don’t know what it’s like dealing with this 24/7”. True, I don’t but I can’t imagine allowing my kid to destroy your property either. She also called me an overbearing prick. It was tense and we didn’t really speak much the rest of the night and the next day when they left she seemed really upset still.

Not going to lie I jumped up and down when they finally left after being here the whole weekend. My oldest kid (12) seemed to get it but I felt a little guilty afterwards.

AITA for wanting them to just go tf home? Am I asking too much to expect them to respect my home like we do?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Ok-Star5561 wrote:

No matter the issues a child may have, when in public or out of your own home it is the parent’s job to discipline their child and keep them from destroying property. I imagine if she takes him to the grocery store she keeps him on a tight leash or she’d constantly be having to pay a lot of money for the damage he makes. Just because it’s at your house doesn’t mean she shouldn’t still discipline him.

I cannot imagine having to care for 3 kids, and one being autistic but that doesn’t give her a free pass to let him loose at your house. NTA. I would even keep a running tab of the damage with costs to show her why she’s not invited back unless she promises to check her son when he has a meltdown.

Every child needs to learn manners and have to behave at someone’s home. She is doing him such a disservice.

Ancient_Bad1216 wrote:

NTA on any level. If having a tantrum for not getting one's way is a way to diagnose autism, then we are all autistic. I never met a child who didn't like hearing the word "No." As a matter of fact, I know a lot of adults who don't like the word "No."

When it comes to your sister's youngest, that's on the parents, but remember, it's perfectly normal because the youngest always gets away with things. Your second paragraph proves that.

What your nephew/niece is doing isn't autistic behavior; it's a child getting away with what they want because parents get burnt out. OP, here's my question to you: how much did you get paid? If you didn't get paid, then you were a FREE BABYSITTER. If you want a free show, tell an adult, "No." Next time your sister asks to come over, tell her "No" and watch the fireworks.

Common Sibling Personality Archetypes (General Trends) //copied and pasted

Firstborns: Often perceived as responsible, conscientious, leaders, high-achievers, potentially more anxious due to new parents' intensity.

Middle Children: May feel overlooked, leading them to become peacekeepers, people-pleasers, or rebels to stand out; they often thrive on friendships.

Youngest Children: Can be seen as spoiled, charming, or rebellious, but studies show last-borns aren't inherently more rebellious than others.

Waywardhistorian667 wrote:

NTA. I'm going to offer some unsolicited advice. Take pictures of the damage and keep it on your phone so you have a ready answer for when you're inevitably asked why you have issues with your nephew's behavior. Your sister isn't preparing him for the rest of his life.

Elegant_Bluebird_460 wrote:

NTA. Who can blame you? Guests can be exhausting in the best of circumstances, this was terrible. Of course you are relieved. Ignore people acting like you are modeling something terrible for your children. What they are seeing is that it is ok to acknowledge difficulty even with family. That's a good thing. But you need to back that up by not letting your sister stay over anymore.

gigerwitch wrote:

I have two kids on the spectrum and they absolutely have been taught how to behave in other people homes. They can be a bit blunt and were heavily working on that but they absolutely know throwing crap and slamming doors is out. Even when they were little it was something we kept an eye on.

You might be a bit of a AH for celebrating but your sister could do more.