'AITA if I change the name my soon-to-be ex husband picked for our unborn daughter?'
"AITA if I change the name my soon-to-be ex husband picked for our unborn daughter?"
I (37f) was married to my soon to be ex (33m) let's call him Larry from 2012 to 2020. We have one child already together. He broke it off the first time while he was stationed overseas for the military.
Then in 2023 he came back and moved to where we live now. We got back together shortly after that and got married again in 2024. Last summer talked about having another kid, he agreed to it.
So we started trying. Then when I did eventually pregnant in October that's when things started turning for the worst. He became distant. Staying at work mid day when he usually came home to spend time with me and our first kid for the long mid day break.
Then he changed his body wash and deodorant to more of a manly scent (he would just use the same kind as me before), died his hair and pierced his ear. The finally nail on the coffin that I knew something was up he started talking about a female coworker a lot and spending time with her outside of work.
A few days before Christmas I confronted him about how he's been acting. He then started he wanted a divorce but was planning on waiting until after the holiday (oh yay for us). He said he's been wanting one for a while and just didn't because of our kid.
Then he goes on to say that he didn't love me the way he did the first time we got married even when we got back together and only got back together for our kid. And as if he hadn't hurt me enough decided to add on that he hasn't loved me since 2017.
Of course I asked him why he didn't say something before we PLANNED to get pregnant. He said he thought it would make me happy. Like it was some gift to me to be twice over a single mom.
Now he claims he didn't cheat. I have no evidence saying one way or the other but his actions tell me if he didn't physically cheat, he emotionally cheated on me. And now a couple months later (we aren't divorced yet) he is dating that woman from work and planning on moving in with her and her two kids. sideeye
Now to the baby name. I named our first kid, a daughter, the deal was he got to the name the next one boy or girl but I had veto power like he did if it was a really terrible name. The name he came up with isn't terrible but it was chosen before he told me he wanted a divorce and isn’t one I would have chosen myself.
Everyone and I mean everyone tells me I should change the name since I'll be the primary parent anyway (like I was the first time we got divorced) And he didn't show any interest outside himself to spend time with or even call our kid while he was away which fyi he was back in the states for 2 years before he came back to where we lived.
I feel he will be the same so it'll basically be me as the only parent again. So would I be the a hole for changing the name to something I like like everyone has been telling me I should?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Name the kid what you want and in the future don't be stupid enough to get back with this guy again.
Literally. Op describes how little he cared about their first child…. And still took him back? How someone treats your child, especially if it’s THEIRS AS WELL, should matter to a person and it’s very telling that it didn’t imo.
Please stand up and get some self respect. Name your child whatever you want, bc let’s be honest if you don’t call him and force him to be there, he probably won’t even notice or put effort towards being there for the birth of said child. NTA but you gotta change now for the kids.
Yes, this, OP! It looks like he's seeing this future kid only as a consolation prize for you. He'll divorce you but at least you'll have his baby, right? What a gracious gift! He's going to cheat you over and nag at you at the same time so nobody else would get you. Forget him. Name your child yourself, he can kindly get lost.
Pick the name. He lost his privilege of picking the name when he left you while pregnant.
Don’t tell him until after you have the baby and are home from the hospital. To be extra witchy don’t put his name on the birth certificate, let him go to court and have a DNA test done unless you are filing for child support.
Well, this is what I'd do. I wouldn't invite him when you go into labor and I wouldn't tell him about the birth until after labor and delivery and the name is created and on hospital records. This way you are free to name him what you choose.
If he's even in the proximity, it could be a battle. Yes, that happens! It's not fair to name a child a name that you don't desire especially when you'll be the primary caregiver. This is easy and clean.
You can't seriously think that you have any obligation to abide by an agreement with this guy!! He exchanged marriage vows with you and didn't feel any obligation to you!! Choose a name you love and let him find out after the fact!! He's given up his right to have any input!
YWNBTA. But for crying out loud, do not go back to this pos again. I hope you have learned that he will forever be a POS. I don't know how you managed to look past the fact that he abandoned your first child, and then you chose to have another with this worthless turd nugget. Please find some self-esteem and learn to love yourself.
NTA Name the baby what you want and give the baby your maiden name. If he isn't there for the pregnancy then he doesn't get the respect of baby having his name. Also please divorce him and stay divorced.