'AITA for changing the lock on my bedroom in a shared apartment without my roommate’s permission?'
"AITA for changing the lock on my bedroom in a shared apartment without my roommate’s permission?"
I’ve been sharing an apartment with another woman for about three months now. We didn’t know each other well before moving in, but we had a mutual friend. She actually asked me to move in because her previous roommate was leaving.
At the time I was really struggling to find a place. I had checked a lot of rooms, but either they were too expensive or just didn’t feel right. When she offered, I went to see the apartment and agreed pretty quickly.
At the beginning, she was very nice, and honestly I felt grateful because she helped me when I needed a place. Because of that, I ignored a lot of small things. She would come into my room without asking, lie on my bed, walk around the apartment barefoot and then sit on my bed with the same feet.
She also helped herself to my snacks and used my things. A couple of times I tried to say it lightly, like joking that I can’t sleep if someone sits on my bed, but she would just laugh it off and keep doing it.
Over time, it started bothering me more. I wasn’t trying to fight, so I avoided being harsh. But I began locking my room whenever I left the apartment. She didn’t say anything about that, but when I came back sometimes, I had this strong feeling that someone had been in my room.
I finally asked her directly if she had a key to my room. She got defensive and said I was being paranoid and imagining things, so I dropped it. A few weeks later, when she went out with friends, I asked a friend of mine (who does this kind of work) to change the lock on my bedroom door.
I just wanted to feel safe in my own space. A few days later, while I was at work, she started sending me angry messages saying I changed the lock without her “permission,” that I disrespected her, and that building staff had questioned her about it. When I got home, she immediately started yelling, saying she never should’ve let me move in and that I had no right to make changes.
I told her calmly that it’s my room, and I changed the lock because I didn’t feel safe. She then said she had talked to management and that I have to move out. That didn’t sit right with me, so the next day I went to the building office myself.
The staff told me she already had complaints against her from previous roommates, including bullying and theft. They also confirmed I was allowed to change the lock on my private room and that I hadn’t broken any rules.
After that, I officially filed a complaint against her. The very next day, a notice was issued to her. Since then, she hasn’t said much to me directly, but the atmosphere in the apartment is very tense.
This place works really well for me in terms of price, location, so despite the tension, I feel safer and more at peace now that my boundaries are protected. AITA for filing the complain?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. I'm grappling with the fact that she's so angry that she can't violate your space and steal from you. That's positively insane. Along with that lock, I'd get a camera (if it's legal), too, if I were you.
Something tells me that Psycho Sticky Fingers might crash out again or retaliate. If she can't get herself together, is it possible that they'll evict her since she's been issued a notice?
NTA- she’s just mad she finally got called on her BS. Keep your safety in mind, but if you can deal with the tension, I would just keep living there 🤷♀️
NTA. Your private space in a shared home is YOUR private space. It’s obvious to you now that she viewed your space as her space and had zero respect for your boundaries. And now you also know she’s stolen from previous roommates so it was wise for you to protect your property. Good for you for speaking with the property management so you know where you stand as far as their rules.
NTA.
"The staff told me she already had complaints against her from previous roommates, including bullying and theft."
As well as bullying and theft, you can add "liar" to her charge sheet. She claimed "building staff had questioned her about it". No, they didn't. You changed the lock on an internal door. Management couldn't possibly have known you'd done that. There was no reason for them to question her. And even when you did tell them yourself, they said it's fine.
This woman sounds unhinged. Stay out of her way as much as you can, and start looking around for another place to live. Having had her plans frustrated in one direction, it would not surprise me in the least if she's planning on invading your privacy or safety in some other manner, such as installing a hidden camera in the bathroom or adulterating your food. You're better off out of there.
NTA she brought it upon herself. Document her behaviour and report anything even close to harassment, maybe you will be the one to pick a new roommate this time.
The peace is only temporary. Document anything that seems off to you from now on. Get a lock box to secure your valuables (birth certificate, passport, bank statements, credit card statements, bills of any kind, jewelry, keys of any kind) or anything else. You know previous roommates filed complaints with management and those people chose to move and you should do the same.
NTA and its insane to continue living in that same place with her after she got mad she cant break into your room. this is a potentially violent and controlling person, you need to get away.