I (31F) am engaged to my fiancé (32M), and while I’m incredibly happy about our engagement, I’ve been struggling with resentment toward my older sister (36F) and, to some extent, my little sister (28F).
This stems from how my older sister’s wedding disrupted our plans and the messy family dynamics that followed. Coming from a Turkish background, where family must stick together no matter what, I feel even more conflicted about my emotions and whether I’m in the wrong.
Here’s the backstory: my fiancé and I had been discussing marriage for a while, and we’d decided to get engaged and plan our wedding for 2025. This timeline gave us enough time to save, plan, and enjoy the process without pressure. We weren’t officially engaged yet, but we were actively preparing and already clear on our timeline.
Then, my older sister, who had been dating her now-husband for only six months, announced that she wanted to get married first. She rushed into having a traditional wedding.
Despite my doubts, I decided to push our timeline back. To be clear, no one in my family explicitly pressured me to do this, but I felt like it was the “right” thing to do. She’s older, and I didn’t want to deal with any potential drama about overlapping weddings.
The decision was hard because I’ve always felt like I had to shrink myself for my sister. She has a history of acting resentful whenever I achieve something, and it feels like I’m constantly bending to avoid conflict.
On top of that, I have complicated feelings about her husband. During the six months they were dating, he was caught flirting with other women multiple times. She’s aware of this but doesn’t seem to care. She was so focused on getting married that it felt like she just wanted to rush through it, no matter what.
Despite all this, I adjusted my plans. I moved our engagement timeline and wedding year to avoid stepping on her toes. But here’s where things get frustrating: my sister didn’t show any gratitude. She didn’t acknowledge my sacrifice or thank me for stepping aside. It felt like she just assumed I would do it.
At one point, I called her out on this. The first time, she seemed genuinely apologetic, which gave me some hope. However, about a month later, she casually mentioned that they had no real plans or money for their religious wedding.
She essentially told me we could go ahead with whatever we wanted because they wouldn’t be doing anything soon. This blindsided me. They rushed into a traditional ceremony, but now it might take until 2025 or even 2026 for their religious wedding because they don’t have the funds. I felt like I disrupted my plans for absolutely nothing.
Even though I eventually stepped back from helping with the organization of her events because I felt so sour about the situation, I still did what I could to support her. At her engagement party and her traditional wedding, I helped with cleaning, cooking, and serving her guests. I wanted to do my part for the family, even though I wasn’t happy with how things unfolded.
I also feel conflicted about how my little sister has handled all this. At first, she was neutral about the whole situation. But after my older sister implied I sabotaged her wedding, my little sister began making passive-aggressive comments.
For context, after I moved my plans and stepped aside, I initially helped with some of the wedding organization. However, the whole situation left me feeling so sour that I eventually stopped being involved entirely.
I guess that added fuel to the fire, and now my little sister has started acting like I’m somehow in the wrong, even though I’ve gone out of my way to accommodate our older sister.
Culturally, family is everything, and the expectation is to always prioritize them, even at your own expense. I’ve done this time and time again, but in this case, it feels like my sacrifices were not only unappreciated but weaponized against me.
The tension from this situation led me to go low contact with both my older and younger sisters. My older sister’s lack of gratitude and my little sister’s behavior became too much for me to handle.
However, now my entire family is pressuring me to just “get over it” and move on. They say I’m making things worse by staying distant and that family needs to stick together no matter what. This makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong by enforcing boundaries, but I can’t ignore how unfair the situation feels.
What’s been even harder is that now, as I’m planning my wedding, I’m struggling to involve either of them. I feel like they’re not genuinely happy for me. Instead, it feels like there’s a lingering sense of resentment, especially from my older sister. I don’t trust their intentions or their ability to be supportive, and this has made the process lonelier than I expected.
Looking back, I feel like I put their needs first for no reason. My sister’s rushed wedding feels poorly thought-out, and her lack of gratitude stings. My little sister’s behavior has only added to my guilt and frustration. I love my family, but this entire situation has left me bitter. It feels like my older sister took advantage of me, and my little sister’s behavior feels like a betrayal.
So, AITA for feeling resentful about changing my wedding plans for my sister’s rushed and disorganized wedding, only to be accused of sabotaging her, and for now having a hard time including my sisters in my own plans?