'AITA for refusing to help my dad's wife with their baby and saying I am not her helper?'
"AITA for refusing to help my dad's wife with their baby and saying I am not her helper?"
Virtual_Credit_9458
Dad and I (17M) do not have a good relationship. When my mom was sick with cancer my dad was out cheating on her and he left me to take care of my younger siblings (12F and 11M).
He even let me catch him with two different women during that time and my mom was on hospice so it was really difficult not to say anything but I was so overwhelmed and scared that saying the wrong thing would take her from us sooner.
This was 4 years ago and I never forgave him for what he put me through. I told him before that I never want to be like him when I grow up and he's no role model for me. I also called him a failure as a husband and a father. He was pissed at being called a failure as a father. But when his three kids needed him the most he wasn't there, instead he was screwing women on the side.
He also said he loved my mom and never wanted me to say he was all bad as her husband. I said I found it so hard to believe and he would never convince me he actually loved her.
I was still mostly in charge after mom died but eventually my siblings started to pick up some skills so I wasn't basically doing it all. It really helped and made us regular siblings again instead of me being almost a dad. But it was also tough because they're really young and I hated that they were forced to grow up so fast. Losing mom did that anyway.
Dad met someone a couple of years ago and he introduced her to us last year and it took only a few weeks for her to move in. Then suddenly she's pregnant and they race to get married.
My dad's wife tried to involve my siblings and me in her pregnancy excitement but I wasn't excited and I don't think they were either. I'm pretty sure we all avoided her as much as we could.
The baby was born in December and she has been reaching out to me to help pretty often. But I don't help her. I check in on my siblings where I can but other than that I focus on me.
I know biologically that baby is my half sibling but I don't care. I don't see them as a sibling and I'm not planning to bond with them or keep them in my life once I'm in college. I won't speak to dad either. Just my siblings.
Recently dad's wife has been pressing more for my help and the other day she asked me why I could be such a great big brother to my younger siblings but I have never even held her baby or cooed over her baby.
She told me she sees me do so much for my siblings and knows I was the person who helped them through when mom was sick and then when she died. She told me she figured I would want to be the same for her baby.
I told her it wasn't my job to help and to get her husband to help if she needed it. She told me she wanted her baby to be accepted and none of us had accepted the baby yet.
None of us had interacted with the baby yet. She said it's not fair and she needs help. I told her I'm not her helper and she needs to hire someone if she wants the help, or again, get dad. But I won't be doing anything for her or her baby. She called me disgusting. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
typicalaquarius
NTA — if it were me, I would tell her all the nitty gritty details of exactly WHY you had to be there for your siblings so that she understands why you’re not interested in your dad’s “new” family.
The OP responded here:
Virtual_Credit_9458
She knows the details. She has attempted to defend my dad in the past even though he doesn't even try to better his relationship with me.
o_Bodybuilder8055
Tell her you are sick of being parentified while your mum was dying and your dad was just interested in his next fling rather than caring for his kids. You want a life, she is fit and healthy, she should look after her own baby or the dad should step up.
LingonberryPrior6896
Yep neither OP OR his siblings are her helpers. They are kids. She got pregnant with a cheater....she can raise the kid.
NewtoFL2
NTA. If you live at home, try to spend time at library, etc.
The OP again responded:
Virtual_Credit_9458
I work so I can get out ASAP. That's where I spend a lot of time when I'm not at school or checking on my siblings.
Remarkable_Buyer4625
NTA - Where is your dad?! It’s infuriating. Apparently, whether it’s supporting his dying wife or helping his new postpartum wife…he is nowhere to be found. You are not his replacement. You shouldn’t have had to be his replacement when your mom was dying, and you definitely don’t have to be it now. Your dad’s wife needs to redirect her criticism.
redcore4
NTA - you should point out to her that she’s finding out what she should have known already: your dad is the kind of man to run a mile when anyone needs him. It’s not your fault she didn’t see this coming; the signs were there all along.
SatelliteBeach123
NTA. Tell her that you've already raised two of your father's children and you have no intention of ever doing it again.