'AITA for checking my husband’s location and finding out he is not going to work?'
"AITA for checking my husband’s location and finding out he is not going to work?"
Burner account as some friends follow me on here!! For context we are newly married and my husband has his own company and office with employees. A few months ago we moved house closer to his office and he would tell me in the mornings that he was going to the office to work.
Obviously I did not think anything was going on but after a few weeks I realized that he was repeatedly leaving his work laptop, charger, AirPods etc (work essentials) at home…
So after much debate in my head I finally checked his location after he left work in the morning (we have each others locations for safety reasons and never really need to check them unless one of us is coming home late etc and the other wants to check they are okay) and realized that he is not going to the office but in fact going to his friends houses…
Not sure what to do in this situation as this keeps on happening?? I know that as he owns the company he can have his freedom and not work all the time but we are always super honest with each other and he usually tells me he is meeting his friends so I’m not sure why he is hiding these meet ups??
Also we are not doing amazingly financially so knowing that he is not actually working as hard as he says he is is just frankly awkward. I feel horrible for checking his location but at the same time I feel very awkward that he is repeatedly lying to me about how much he is working when actually he is just hanging out with his friends.
Not sure how to bring this up to him but I feel like I have to as I don’t want to keep secrets or make him feel spied on.
Thoughts??
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
NTA. He knows you’ve got location settings on. If he was hiding something he should’ve turned it off. Word of advice from someone who is getting divorced after 16 years, you have GOT to communicate from the get go.
It doesn’t need to be a fight. Sit down and communicate. Your marriage is doomed if you can’t. Maybe he’s avoiding work because he’s not doing great there financially? There’s more going on here and you deserve to know.
NTA. Say something like “hey I realized you forgot your work laptop so I called up your location to see if you were close enough to come back for it and realized you were at X’s house, is everything ok?”
Are you sure he still has an office with employees? I’ve seen several posts on other platforms about men who lose their jobs and fake going to work without telling their spouses for extended periods. With the economy and you saying money is tight… talk to him. You might want to cruise by his real office when he’s at a friend’s house to see if anyone is there.
When he gets home, just let him know that you noticed his work stuff still at the house. Ask him if everything is okay. Don’t accuse, just ask.
OP needs to dig a bit more before confronting him. If it is innocent - no harm asking about it later, if it is not - this talk will make him hide things better. Two things to check - 1. His company, if everything is OK there.
2. And who is in that friends houses when he goes in there. Are his friends married, do they have daily jobs. Most people spend they weekdays working, doing something and not just waiting for someone to visit. Unless there's a reason. OP needs to know that reason.
Either the company shut down and he's ashamed to tell you, or... Does his friend have a wife? Honestly I actually for once think it's not cheating, I think the company went belly up. Especially if you're saying you're having financial issues.
Wasn't this scenario on a TV show once? The guy was at his friend's house looking for work or something. Although you did say he's not taking his laptop... Maybe it is cheating. There's also been stories of guys going to their friend's place to cheat. But yea. One of those two is my suspicion. NTA.
He’s lying to you EVERY DAY. There’s got to be something he’s hiding from you. Drugs, alcohol, a woman, his business is in trouble. I would want to know. Either follow him or ask him.
Well he lied so I guess you need to decide. Do I want to be lied to or do I want the truth. Also seems like something else is going on. Maybe a hookup and his friends cover. You need to talk to him about this.
NTA. There are only a handful of reasons he would lie to you every single day. Things like having an affair, substance abuse, business going under, etc. I would check out your bank accounts first. From there tell him you noticed he left his laptop at home and you were concerned so you checked his location. You are overdue for a long conversation with him.
NTA - I don't think anyone snoops unless they already have clues that there's something bad they might find. And you found it. I don't know how I'd handle this... maybe do what another commented said and show up at the friend's house?
I would match his lie with my own lie and be like, "Holy cow, I wanted to start early planning your next surprise party and popped over to see if your friend would help. What are you doing here?" LOL - Or, take the mature route and confront him point blank.