'AITA for expecting my friend to ask me if her kids could come to my wedding?'
"AITA for expecting my friend to ask me if her kids could come to my wedding?"
I got married a month ago and am no longer talking to my husband's best friend (Julie, 30F), neither is he. Both my husband and I find what she did very untasteful and are looking to see whether we are wrong here.
So, we planned for a kid free wedding. The only kids welcome to attend was my daughter's from my previous marriage (10 and 14). Julie has 3 children (7, 10, 11). We also had a limited amount of seating available due to pricing and food catering. So I only had 50 seats, and therefore I told Julie she could not bring her kids but her and her husband were both invited.
Julie told me very early on that she doubts she could find a babysitter and made it clear she refused to hire someone they did not know but told me she would do what she could. About 2 weeks before the wedding she confirmed that her mom was watching the kids.
But then 2 days before the wedding she messages me and says that her mom bailed on babysitting for one reason or another. I can't remember what I said in response. But anyways, wedding day comes and only 28 people of the 50 show up.
I post on Facebook saying "I have 22 extra seats at my wedding! Message me if you would like to join us on our special day!" I figured Julie would be the first to reach out, but she never did. She "care" reacted to my post but that was it. She missed the wedding. My husband was very upset, because this was literally his best friend and he wanted her there.
So anyways, I reached out to her a few days later and told her that me and Wesley are very hurt that she did not come and that this was our big day and we needed her. She responded with "did you expect me to leave my kids in the car by themselves? At home? At a hotel?"
I said "no, I expected you to reach out to me and ask me if your kids could come after knowing that no one else showed up." She says "omg, okay. So you have a kid free wedding and you expected me to look like a jack a$s by asking you to make an exception for my children to attend instead of just messaging me directly?"
My husband and I immediately blocked her after her hostile responses. He's feeling pretty sh$tty and thinks we may have overreacted. I think we are in the right however.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Still_Storm7432 said:
So your husband's ex bf is a mind reader? YTA, when you have a child free wedding, you have to know that some friends and family with children won't be able to attend. She respected the fact you wanted a child free wedding and didn't try to push the kids off on you.
No-Mango8923 said:
YTA. Normally these posts are about people disrespecting the bride and groom and forcing their kids on the wedding party. Julie RESPECTED your choice for a child-free wedding. At no point did you say "HEY! We have 22 spare places, so we can accommodate kids if you have them!"
Any normal person would assume you were adhering to the no-child rule and were offering 22 adult places. You're the ones who should have contacted her to offer to relax your own rules. Now you're pissed because she did exactly what you told her to? Your husband should be feeling sh%tty because you both were sh$tty to Julie.
Funkybutterfly2213 said:
YTA you should have reached out to her when you knew seats were available and didn’t mind having the kids there at that point. You can’t expect a guest who you have already told no kids can come to message you and ask if they now could. It’s tacky and I personally would not have have reached out. You or significant other should have messaged her, it’s not like she can read minds.
shammy_dammy said:
YTA. You TOLD her that she COULD NOT BRING her kids. And now that she RESPECTED that, you're 'very hurt' she didn't come. Then you dared to tell her you expected her to NOT respect that and to nag you for invites? You think you're in the right? Well, that's a no. Your friend has it completely correct.
ERVetSurgeon said:
YTA. You should have reached out if you wanted her there with her kids. You are mad because you paid for 50 guests and only 28 should up. That should tell you something right there.
completedett said:
YTA you should have clearly told her she could bring her kids.
celticmusebooks said:
YTA here. You doubled down on "kid free wedding" and now are mad at her for not "knowing" she should bring her kids to the "kid free" wedding????? Who just posts an open FB invite after making such a big deal about only enough seats for 50 people? Almost half of your friends didn't even bother to show up at your wedding-- can you really afford to block some of the few real friends you have?
Fall on the "sorry I was a bridezilla" sword and apologize and tell her that you were in panic mode with some many no shows and you REALLY screwed the pooch by not personally reaching out to her and her family to invite all of them and you and your husband are embarrassed by how badly you acted. Invite them over for a family style BBQ and get things back on track.