Child-free friend refuses to babysit until 7-year-old is fully potty trained, 'I was disgusted.' AITA?

"AITA for telling my friend I won’t watch their kid until they can wipe their own butt?"

My friend asked me if I would watch her daughter for a weekend while she went on a trip with her boyfriend. So fast forward, my friend drops her daughter off at my place and everything seems to be going great.

I see her daughter all the time because her mom is a friend l'm really close too, so she wasn't uncomfortable or shy at all and made herself right at home. A few hours go by and she tells me she needed to use the bathroom, so I show her the toilet and leave her to do her business.

After about 15 minutes I hear her calling my name so l go running to the bathroom worried that something had happened. I open the door and ask what's wrong and she replies "I need help wiping." This confused me because this is a 7 year old girl we're talking about, not some toddler or baby that's still potty training...

I say "what do you mean, did something happen?" And she says "no, I just went poop." So I tell her “I'm not going to help her wipe she's a big girl and should know how to do it on her own” but she was not budging and REFUSED to do it herself and said that "her mom wipes for her because she says if she did it herself she wouldn't get clean enough."

Ultimately I was disgusted, and maybe I'm in the wrong I understand all parents raise their kids differently and all children are on their own timeframe of learning new things and such but being a 7 year old and still not wiping yourself was just beyond me.

After awhile of telling her I won't be wiping for her and she is going to have to sit on the toilet until she decides to do it herself, she starts hysterically crying telling me she can't do it herself because it's "gross" and she "won't get clean."

At this point I call her mom and explain the situation and making it clear that I will NOT be wiping her butt for her. Thinking my friend would understand my reasoning for not wanting to and tell her daughter she needs to do it herself this time. Boy was I wrong, my friend and I got in a huge argument over this.

Her telling me how "immature" I am for not wanting to "wipe a little kid's butt" and telling me that I was "seriously going to ruin her trip over this" because she would have to come back home and get her child because I'm "making her feel bad about how she does things."

I got extremely frustrated over this whole thing, told her she would need to find someone else to come pick her daughter up and watch her if this was going to be such a big deal because there was no way in hell I was wiping her 7 year old.

My friend screamed at me about how insanely immature I am, hung up the phone, and about 40 minutes later the daughter's grandma was at my door to pick her up. So AlTA for not wanting to wipe a 7 year old's butt for them after every sh$t they take? Please let me know, I don't have kids of my own and never plan to but I sure as hell know that when I was 7 I was definitely wiping.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Pst_pst_pst said:

Nta. I wonder what the child does at school? My child’s school requires you to be potty trained before you’re allowed to start kindergarten unless you’re in the sped classes. This is something she really should have informed you about before allowing you to take her for the weekend.

mle_eliz said:

NO!!! You are NOT the ahole. Holy sh%t does your friend have some audacity to claim you are ruining her weekend. No, she ruined her own weekend by not only failing her own child when it comes to necessary hygiene practices...

But by not bothering to inform you this is something you should expect so that you—like practically anyone in their right mind—could decline in enough time for her to make other arrangements.

finn1013 said:

NTA. That’s so gross. The mom has serious issues if she has her 7-year-old convinced that she can’t wipe her own ass at that age. I have younger cousins and most of my friends have kids.

After ~3 years old that stops, and if anything the kids end up with shit stains because they’re so confident that they know how to wipe on their own and don’t need any help. It’s a problem that fixes itself, in my experience.

Far-Investigator5451 said:

ESH. Definite mom fail for not teaching her kid to wipe. But it sounds like you shamed a child for something that isn't her fault.

Ghosty_girl16 said:

NTA. You have a very clear, very reasonable boundary. Your friend should have warned you before she dropped her daughter off so if you were uncomfortable, she could find someone else.

mercyrunner said:

That poor girl, getting hysterical and crying because her mom has convinced her that what she does is gross and she can’t possibly get herself clean enough. Her mom has done her a HUGE disservice in more than one way: she has not taught her independence in her own hygiene, and she is giving her big hang ups where normal bodily functions are concerned. You are NTA…mom needs to let this girl grow up!

Scenarioing said:

It's even more bizarre that this 'friend' didn't warn you. She thinks it's normal? How does this kid get through school? NTA.