Child-free 'fun uncle' refuses to babysit niece and nephew on weekends, 'their marriage is struggling.' AITA?

"AITA for refusing to babysit my niece and nephew every weekend?"

I (32M) love my sister, Hannah (35F), and her kids (5M and 3F). I’ve always been the “fun uncle” and happily agreed when Hannah asked me to babysit one Saturday so she and her husband, Jake, could go on a much-needed date. The kids were great, and I didn’t mind helping out. But the next weekend, they asked again. Then again the next.

What started as one Saturday has now turned into me babysitting both Saturday and Sunday, every weekend. They drop the kids off at 9 AM and pick them up around 7 PM. That’s two full days of childcare—no pay, no food brought for the kids, no consideration for my time. I work full-time during the week, so my weekends are my only time to relax, hang out with friends, or get things done.

I finally told Hannah I couldn’t babysit one weekend because I had made plans with friends. She got upset, saying that I didn’t understand how hard it was for her and Jake to maintain their relationship and that their marriage is struggling. She implied that my refusal to help could make things worse between them, which made me feel really guilty. She said I was being selfish and that I should step up as family.

I tried to compromise by offering to babysit once or twice a month, but Hannah said that wasn’t enough. She said since I don’t have kids, I don’t understand the stress they’re under and that they need this time for their relationship to survive. Now, both Hannah and Jake are upset with me, and even my parents are weighing in, saying I should just help out “for the sake of family.”

The thing is, I do want to help, but I feel like my time is being taken for granted. I love my niece and nephew, but I need my weekends back, too. I never agreed to be their full-time nanny, and I’m starting to feel burned out from constantly giving up my plans.

I’m torn because I understand they need a break, but I also feel like it’s unfair to expect me to give up my entire weekend, every weekend, indefinitely. AITA for refusing to babysit every weekend and wanting to set boundaries with my sister?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Kami_Sang said:

NTA - so your sister has kids but thinks you should sacrifice your weekends so she could be childfree and have fun. She's delusional. Don't let her rob you of your life. You don't have kids and weekends are your time to relax and have fun. You don't owe your sister a sacrifice she isn't even willing to make - you must work all week then babysit her kids all weekend? She's not even willing to do that.

You are not responsible for her needing a break. Also, which parent gets a break every weekend all weekend unless you're a dead beat? I can understand her asking you every now and again for a few hours, maybe a one off weekend.

But to take all your weekends? She's massively selfish.Tell your parents for the sake of family they can help out. A parent is closer kin than a sibling so they can step up for their daughter.

Fluffy_Sheepy said:

Dude, she's using you hard. SHE decided to have 2 kids, not you. She decided to marry her husband, not you. Her childcare and marital issues are hers, not yours. You are NOT responsible for her struggles.

It is 100% unreasonable for her to expect 20 hours of unpaid labor from you, ever, let alone on a weekly basis. NTA. If they need a break that badly they can pay for an actual babysitter. You are entitled to your days off, just like anyone else.

squirrelsareevil2479 said:

NTA. Tell Hannah and Jake that their relationship with THEIR two children is suffering because of lack of time spent with them. Tell her you love the kids but it's best for their relationship to have family time with their mom and dad on the weekends. You'll be willing to help once in a while that fits with your schedule but the rest of time will be family building time for their family.

whichwitch9 said:

NTA. Time for a reversal. "You don't appreciate what I do for you. I give up large amounts of my free time to help you, to my own detriment. I have no obligation to watch your kids, who are your responsibility, and most parents do not have the opportunities I have given you.

As a result, I think you need to find a different childcare solution or actually learn how to spend time with your kids and parent properly." If they are with you every weekend, I sincerely hope their parents don't have traditional M-F jobs because they are spending little quality time with their own kids.

That's messed up. You parents are also family and capable of watching the kids. If they aren't going to step up for their values, they can shut up.

Suckerforcats said:

NTA. No is a complete sentence. Don't answer her calls or answer the door. They're using you. One day a month is one thing but both days every single weekend is taking advantage. You have a life and rest time too.

If they want weekends to be kid free, well, they should have thought of that before they had kids. They can hire a babysitter but you shouldn't have to give up your only free time so they can have free time for themselves.

Hungry-Book said:

NTA. Your weekends are for you to relax and regroup for the next work day. I have a niece and I’m not a parent. My older brother and his wife recognize that I have a life outside of work AND family….If your sister does not understand that even YOU need a break from work and such, she’s selfish. And if your parents are weighing in so much, tell them to babysit and be the favorite grandparents