Child-free wedding rule causes MAJOR family backlash, 'we are being harassed.' AITA?

"AITA: no children at our wedding causing major family fall out..."

We set a no children rule for our wedding - we’re having a small wedding (100 close friends and family) it’s black tie, there will be an open bar, a big band etc. we’ve been clear on this rule from the beginning of our wedding planning...

We communicated this a year prior to our wedding when we sent out the save the dates. For context, we’re in our mid twenties and none of our close friends are married or even thinking about children. Our family friends are all 60+ too, so their children are grown up.

Since then we’ve had to flex our rule to include our niece (4) and nephew (2) as a flower girl and page boy, but they will be accompanied by their nanny who will take them home afterwards. Before sending out the official invites, we thought it would be courteous to let other close family members know that we are sticking to our no children rule…

However this has cause MAJOR backlash. A cousin (45) claims that they see the groom as a brother and is sending nasty, long messages about how she’s so upset, isn’t sleeping, can’t believe we don’t see her child (3) in the same way we see our niece and nephew, refusing to attend our wedding, trying to say “oh I’ll bring her to the ceremony only and then leave," but we’ve held our stance on no means no…

On top of this, the aunt (70) has been sending long messages about how the entire side of that family is upset, the child in question isn’t just another child but should be considered part of our immediate family, that the dead uncle would be so disappointed with our decision.

Before my fiancé and I were engaged, this side of the family hated my finance as she is from a different religion. They gave her years of abuse and tried to break us up. They haven’t apologized and my fiance has moved on from the past.

We didn’t think a no child rule would be so controversial but now we are being harassed by this side of the family about the no child rule…am I the ahole for enforcing this rule?

Additional context - this 3 y/o is never told no, destructive (breaks things at home regularly, pulled our doorbell off the door despite it being screwed in), can’t sit still, hits her mom - and these issues have long preceded the wedding.

The mom frequently goes out and leaves her at home with the same babysitter she’s had for the entire 3 years (a family friend's daughter). Apparently she can’t imagine leaving her child behind for the wedding?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

QuinoaPoops said:

NTA. People always think their child is god’s gift to Earth. You were clear from the jump, it will be inappropriate for kids to be there. If you really really wanted to keep the peace, you could offer to pay the nanny, but even that feels like a stretch. You’re doing nothing wrong with your request and it sounds like your family sucks.

gormless_chucklef$%k said:

NTA. I know an officiant who desperately wishes everyone would hold the line the way you do. So many beautiful altar moments are ruined because the parents of a disruptive child want to stay in the room and not miss anything.

November-8485 said:

NTA. Stop responding to the messages. They heard your answer.

Oceanbloomm said:

NTA. It’s your wedding, your rules. They’re being ridiculous and manipulative.

Rouge-Moon said:

NTA. It's your guys' wedding and you can make whatever rules you'ld like for your day. the family members getting angry about the wedding being child free are unreasonable. It may be better to exclude them from the wedding entirely if theyre already causing so many issues

EvilSockLady said:

NTA. Immediate family/kids in the wedding party are very common exceptions to the no kids rule. You’re having a black tie event and those don’t usually cater well to children. Rinse and repeat: I’m sorry, the invitation is for you and your husband only. If you are unable to attend without your child, we understand and you will be missed. Tattoo it on your forehead.

3cto said:

NTA - Your wedding, your special day, your rules, your guest list. So long as you're not doing anything out of spite, grudge, or purposely to create tension, this decision is wholly yours and others need to work around you. If they aren't willing to make it work the way you want on your day, then stuff them.