Child-free woman publicly embarrasses aunt, 'she asked me about kids AGAIN.' AITA? 'I SCREAMED at her.'
"AITA for publicly embarrassing my aunt when she asked me about having kids again?"
I f26 am childfree by choice. I've never wanted kids, and have been honest and open about this for years. To my extended family not having kids simply because I don't want them isn't a good enough reason. Background:
Since I was about 16 they ask me about having kids in the future every time I see them. At first, I told them that I did not want kids, not then or ever, that answer wasn't good enough, and they kept asking. So I decided to switch tactics. Because of a combination of medical conditions, I also can't have kids.
(I always say I'm the best person to be infertile since I don't want kids) So when I was around 18 I started saying I didn't want and couldn't have kids. After I started saying this they would drop it for the rest of the night but still bring it up the next time I saw them.
After a couple more years of this, I started just walking away anytime someone would bring it up, I would just turn around and leave, refusing to interact with them completely when having kids was brought up.
On to the current issue. I got engaged a couple of months ago, and the talks about kids have been constant since getting engaged. Both my fiancé and I are very clear that we don't ever want kids.
On Sunday we had dinner with both of our families and my Aunt Sophie brought up, us having kids after the wedding, even going as far as to say we should start trying now since it would most likely take us a while with my medical issues.
When she said that I just lost it and screamed at her, loud enough for everyone to hear, I screamed that she is a horrible person who doesn't know how to respect boundaries, that she is painfully aware we are never having kids and bringing up my medical issues is a crappy thing to do.
Sophie hadn't met my fiancé's family before this and it was clear she was embarrassed this confrontation happened in front of so many people she doesn't know.
Part of my family thinks I'm the ahole for having the confrontation with my aunt in front of everyone and purposefully embarrassing her. So AITA for publicly embarrassing my aunt with a public confrontation over having kids?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
louise_jercyy said:
NTA. Honestly, she embarrassed herself by refusing to respect your boundaries for years. You just finally gave her the reaction she earned. People need to learn that "no" is a full sentence.
Turmeric_Ping said:
NTA. Why should you have given a crap about her feelings since she refused to give a crap about yours? She deserved to be embarrassed. Insist that she apologizes, or she'll just carry on with this crap. If she won't apologize, disinvite her from the wedding.
No_Cockroach4248 said:
NTA, your aunt embarrassed herself. Your aunt was being needlessly disrespectful and rude, she knew you could not have kids with your medical condition, yet she insisted on bringing the issue of having kids over dinner with both families.
CanAhJustSay said:
NTA. You know you're not. Infertility is a medical issue and you would no sooner bring up deeply intimate personal medical issues of your aunt in a public place. Both men and women can be infertile; or childfree by choice or by deliberate design. It is nobody else's business but you and your partner. You are both in agreement so that's it. End of.
Can I suggest that the best answer is "Please stop hurting me. You know the answer." It reinforces the pain they cause. Deliberate pain. And you don't want her at the wedding if this is how she values you.
jairatraci said:
NTA if she didn’t want to be treated that way in front of everyone maybe she should have kept her mouth shut. There is no bad reason to not want kids. Not wanting them is a valid reason.
Alice_Da_Cat said:
NTA. When a person is pushed and pushed and pushed they are bound to snap and break eventually. I bet no one brings it up again and hey, if they do, go nuclear on them as well.