Child-free woman refuses to pay for friends' kids if they won't accommodate her dog on trip. AITA?
"AITA refusing to pay for my friends' kids as they refuse to accommodate my dog?"
I (35f) have a group of friends I’ve known since uni. We have always been close and despite all moving to different parts of the country, we make the effort to have weekends away in an Airbnb a few times a year.
Of the 6 of us, I’m the only one without kids. I don’t mind kids but just not interested in having my own. When we do our weekends, they often bring their kids (not partners, it’s just us and the kids).
We always split the cost of the Airbnb equally and arrange a supermarket food delivery which is also split 6 ways despite the fact the kids stuff is half the food bill (they’re all fussy so completely separate food is bought for them - chicken nuggets, fish fingers etc). I am gluten intolerant so need special foods but the group ask me not to add those to the order due to expense - they don’t seem to get me paying for kids food I won’t eat is the same as them paying for gluten free food.
Also, as the childless one, I get the sofa bed whilst the others get the big, comfy bedrooms for them and their kids. It’s just assumed that it’s ok and I never get consulted.
As you can tell, I find it annoying as it’s never acknowledged that I get the short straw despite paying the same as them - however, I love spending time with them so I don’t say anything to avoid rocking the boat. That was until recently when I got a dog.
None of my friends or their kids have an issue with dogs but they’re also not big dog people either. For our next meet up, I asked if anyone would mind if I bought the dog so I wouldn’t have the expense of a dog sitter.
I made it clear that I would monitor her carefully - go outside with her to clean up poop immediately, put her in her crate for sleep, bring a baby gate to keep her in a separate room from the kids, bring all her food. I’d take sole response if damage happened.
My friends said they weren’t comfortable with that - I completely get it. However, I said in that case I would need to pay for a sitter/kennels and therefore I think we need to revisit the way we split the costs.
If I’m making concessions to accommodate the kids, then I should pay a smaller portion of the Airbnb. Also, I said I would not be paying for the portion of the food bill which is for the children. I’ll pay my equal share of the adult food but no more.
They have said I’m being unreasonable and they don’t understand how I can claim I’m getting the short straw with the room/food. They believe I’m being petty because they said no to the dog - I don’t think I am. I’m just asking for them to make concessions for me the way I have for them for many years.
They say I’m comparing my dog to their kids - I’m not, I’m pointing out that the money paid vs the resources being used is out of balance and now I have the dog, I can no longer support this. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable but would like to hear what others think. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
ClappedCheek said:
NTA but you really should have had a discussion with your friends about all this before something like this could occur. I wouldnt have ever paid for my friends children to visit me a single time let alone every year (barring emergencies or important sh%t), thats crazy!
Fine_Somewhere_3520 said:
NTA but you should have been just said you will by your gluten free food separately and will not eat their food. Also, why keep going if you don't get a bed but pay the full amount? You must learn to advocate for yourself.
OneLessDay517 said:
NTA. My family has FINALLY gotten it through their heads that I (eldest sibling but only one without a partner/kids) will NOT be going on any more family vacations where I have to sleep on either the sofa or a bunk bed.
You should've addressed the disparity in beds/food long before now. But what's past is past. You should opt out of this trip. They have been taking advantage of you for far too long and you need to locate your backbone and use it to put your foot down.
teresajs said:
NTA. You've been subsidizing the costs for their kids for far too long. In addition to the things you mentioned, you should get to sleep in an actual bed, not on the sofa bed. Kids should not sleep on beds while a full pay adult is stuck with the sofa bed.
And you should get to place your own order for groceries that you can eat and be exempt from paying for the kiddie food. If they can't agree with that, don't go and don't pay anything. Your "friends" can split their costs five ways, and end up paying their actual share without your subsidies.
lordcommander55 said:
NTA they've been taking advantage for years. I would suggest a child free trip, everyone gets a room, and you'll buy your own food due to medical accommodations. Having a kid does not mean they get to put an added cost on you. They have free child care with their partners who don't join.
Artistic_Tough5005 said:
NTA It may sound petty to them but really for years you have been funding their weekends. They would each have to pay more if you truly paid your fair portion.
BigZookeepergame4522 said:
NTA. And seriously can’t understand why you would let them walk all over you for so long.