Childfree friend refuses to join 70-person group chat with daily baby photos. AITA? MINI UPDATE
"AITA for not joining my best friend’s 70-person Whatsapp with daily photos of her baby?"
My best friend had a baby and she LOVES to take and send photos of that baby, which is understandable. Babies are adorable and all consuming. I live far away from her. Sometimes she sends me like 25 photos at a time. I know she’s just wanting to share her life with me, and her kid is the most important part of her life.
I am childfree by choice and while I love my friends’ kids, I’m not much of a “baby person.” I try to love and appreciate babies, but it’s always a stretch. I feel bad about this sometimes, but that’s just how I feel.
My friend is very comfortable starting huge group texts and welcoming lots of cross talk. When she was in labor, she started a 120 person group Whatsapp, for example. When she has a mental health crisis, she’ll start a 30 person group chat with a bunch of people I don’t know.
In some ways, it’s something I admire about her - she’s unafraid of asking for support and to be witnessed during the big moments in her life, and she values including people. Other parts of me find this behavior to be kind of entitled. Maybe I’m too afraid to Just start a huge group chat about a big thing in my life, and therefore I judge her for it. But I also just find it intrusive.
Anyways, recently she added me to a 70 person what’s app group for daily photos of her baby. I messaged her that sadly I did not want to participate because I use what’s app for work and other things, and I find huge chats overwhelming, but that I’ll gladly continue to receive pics in our 1:1 texting.
She seemed pretty hurt and pointed out that I have no issue being in another friend’s Whatsapp group about her baby. That’s true - but that’s because that other friend only posts once a month or so and is much more thoughtful about how much she uses the group.
I feel this is honestly causing a rift between us. It feels so petty - and yet it also feels deep somehow. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just a huge curmudgeon and should have sucked it up and been quietly annoyed about the group but not said anything. However it’s clearly about a deeper issue - the ways in which we feel or dont feel entitled to the attention of others.
One last thing to note - she added me to The group during the most important weekend of my career, where I was facilitating a very high stakes and emotional retreat (which my friend knew about). In some ways, because I am childfree by choice, my career IS my baby - but it’s not something seen and cherished by others like a baby is. Anyways, I welcome your insights! Thanks.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
SoccerProblem3547 said:
Just put that convo on silent, you won’t get notifications. I feel like this is really easily to ignore without hurting anyone’s feelings.
Smarterthanuthink867 said:
Definitely NTA. Honestly your BF really seems to crave attention. Being in labor and starting a 120 person group chat...WTF?! As another commenter said, just put the conversation on silent. Respond when you want.
NaryaGenesis said:
Mute the chat and archive it. Check on it once every week or so and just do whatever it was you usually do. And honestly, I kinda think this behavior is attention seeking not sharing but that’s me. NTA.
PhoenixRisingToday said:
NTA. Not understanding why someone would not want to get daily photos (of anything/anyone) is immature and self absorbed.
languagelover17 said:
NTA people who make being a parent their entire identity are so annoying. And I say this as a mom of two.
NoHorseNoMustache said:
NTA, nobody needs that many pictures of their friends baby. My bff had a kid like 13 years ago now and I think she sent me one pic because there's absolutely no need to send dozens of pics of your baby on a regular basis. Your friend sounds exhausting.
After reading the comments, OP provided a mini update:
I followed up with her the other day and said I’d be fine joining but just gave her the heads up I might leave if it gets overwhelming. She said she’d rather not add me because she doesn’t want to feel self conscious about posting too much. So - joining now and muting it is no longer a possibility, sadly.
That probably would have been the move. But again - it’s more than this one text thread. I find it annoying when she photo dumps 30+ pics and videos at a time and feel like I have to respond in some incredibly thoughtful way and it just feels like a lot of pressure.