'AITA for not inviting my childhood best friend to my wedding because I don’t feel close to her anymore?'

"AITA for not inviting my childhood best friend to my wedding because I don’t feel close to her anymore?"

Growing up, "Claire" (fake name) and I were inseparable. We did everything together—sleepovers, family vacations, and we even called each other sisters. But as we got older, things shifted.

She went to a different college, and we started hanging out less. When we did meet up, it felt forced, like we were clinging to the past rather than genuinely connecting in the present.

Fast forward to now: I’m getting married in a few months. When I was planning the guest list, I realized I didn’t feel the need to invite Claire. She’s no longer someone I confide in, and we barely talk except for the occasional “happy birthday” text or random Instagram comments.

Meanwhile, the guest list is tight, and I want my wedding to be filled with people I truly feel close to.

When Claire found out through a mutual friend that she wasn’t invited, she texted me, hurt and confused. She said that after all we’d been through, she thought she’d “automatically” be invited.

I explained that we’d grown apart and that my wedding is small, but she responded by saying I was throwing away years of friendship. Now a few mutual friends are taking her side, saying I’m being cold and “calculating” about the guest list.

I feel bad that she’s hurt, but I also feel like weddings should be about celebrating with people who are currently a big part of your life not out of obligation.
AITA for leaving her out?

Let's see what readers thought:

cron writes:

I am going with NAH, although I do side with you a tad more due to your explanation. Plus, this is your wedding. You can invite whoever you want. You can even elope if you desire to do so. You can have the smallest wedding. This is your day (spouse's, obviously too).

The reason why I feel for her is because I have friendships where we text here and there, but there's mutual care for each other still. Distance is tough. Time does slip away. Life happens. It's not like you had a falling out.

I can see why she (and the few mutuals) are confused. Again, I want to clarify you are not the AH. I just don't think she is either (unless she is persisting and pushing you to invite her , then I will change).

treven writes:

YTA for not telling her. You just ghosted her, believing it doesn't matter because it doesn't matter to you. You should have a honest conversation with her about that.

faest writes:

I think that’s a very individualistic way of looking at life. Childhood memories and friends have a special place in hearts. Yes time and distance comes in between the years. But these are the times of those beautiful reunions!

A celebration of all that was, and how far you’ve come! You ruined all those memories by this one choice. You see stories of old friends reconnecting after years, and it just warms all hearts! This was a missed opportunity for you dear. So sorry but YTA.

aghp writes:

Honestly? I think this is a sit down conversation with the mutual friends that you presumably are currently friends with (and an email with Claire with if you want) that is essentially- if our group isn't getting together and other people are handling the invites, Claire and I haven't seen each other in years.

If Claire and I don't go- oh, I should call to meet up with them and spend the $20 on gas and food to see each other, why am I going to spend $100 for her plate at my wedding and why should I ask her to spend to same to be a guest at my wedding?

We just aren't close friends anymore. If I was inviting 100 people to my wedding, maybe she'd be included. But that's not my wedding.

It can be a rude awakening when you realize that you aren't the friends you thought you were with someone. But it isn't a bad thing. Friendships change. People grow. Sometimes groups evolve- some people in groups stay friends with 1 person but not others. It can be hard but it's okay. NTA.

ploly writes:

Honestly mainly just read the caption without any context. You’re not an AH. It’s your wedding & you can invite whoever you want. She doesn’t ‘deserve’ and shouldn’t expect an invite just because she’s known you for a long time.

What are those mutual friends being on about you being ‘calculating’. 1- you’re not. 2- even if you are it’s your bloody wedding! They need to stay out of it. When they get married they can invite every single person they’ve met before but making you feel bad for it is awful.