So, when a conflicted but very chill bride decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about whether or not she was wrong to discuss her wedding 'rules' with her hardscore sister-in-law, people were quick to help deem a verdict.
I'm getting married in 3 months and I've sent out the invitations. In the invites and emails I've sent to my guests, I've only requested of people to avoid wearing white (for obvious reasons) and emerald green (bridesmaids dress color).
I've also asked people to rsvp until a certain date, or else I won't include them in the reception dinner since price per person is very expensive so I don't want to pay for people who won't show up at all.
Basically those two rules. Nothing else. Kids are invited, families are invited and I couldn't care less about what my guests choose to wear except those two colors I mentioned above.
For context about my SIL. She's my fiancé's sister. We have an ok relationship. Not extremely friendly but we don't hate each other either and we get along.
During my fiancé's birthday celebration, some friends and I were chatting about the wedding and they were telling me how they're surprised how chill I am about the wedding rules and how it's refreshing to go to a wedding where they won't feel like they're walking on eggshells.
I said that this is not me at all and I just want my guests to have fun as well so I don't want to put many limitations. The girlfriend of one of my fiancé's friends also showed me the dress she's thinking of wearing to our wedding and wanted my approval on whether it's acceptable or I believe she'd overshadow me.
It's a yellow dress that's on the sexy and revealing side but I honestly loved it and I told her to indeed go ahead and wear it. I told her I'm the bride, it's not easy to overshadow the bride and if someone does, well, sucks for me but it's really not that deep.
I didn't say it in order to shade my SIL but she took offense to everything I said and called me a pretentious AH. The reason she took offense is because she had multiple rules on her wedding, child free, strict dress code and all that.
We abided by those rules back then because her wedding her rules of course. I never intended to offend her I was just stating my own 'rules' and mindset behind all my organization.
She called me out and said I enjoyed subtly shading her, she called me a snake and told me that if I have to say something I should say it in her face. She and her husband left the party.
My mother-in-law told me that sister-in-law overreacted indeed but I'm also at fault because I flaunted how chill and different I am and rubbed it in her face to make her feel bad about her own wedding. My fiancé said I did nothing wrong and sister-in-law will grow up and get over it. Could I be the as*hole?
It appears that this former bride doth protest too much. Having a child-free wedding is completely acceptable if that's the kind of wedding you want, and just because someone else had a more laid-back approach to attire and aesthetic doesn't mean you should feel bad about your own wedding vision. And this is all without even beginning to unpack this snake comment...
NTA. Your SIL called you a “snake” when all you were doing was saying a bunch of rules for your guests isn’t your style. Sounds like narcissistic behavior to me.
NTA - As you've told it, it doesn't sound like you mentioned her wedding at all. Sounds like she may be insecure about her wedding rules. Maybe someone else has mentioned it to her?
NTA - sounds like she's conscious of how uptight she was and is taking your 'chill' as a dig at her. Definitely sounds like a 'her problem' not a 'you problem'
NTA. She’s very self centered to think the universe revolves around her. Next time just say, I was not throwing any shade, I did not even really remember your wedding…
Everyone agreed unanimously here that this calm, cool, and collected bride isn't at fault for merely discussing her wedding plans and if her sister-in-law is offended then she should rethink how she views her own 'rules.' Good luck, everyone!