'AITA If I choose to go my PhD graduation instead of my sister’s wedding?' 'I get it, we don’t own the calendar. '
"AITA If I choose to go my PhD graduation instead of my sister’s wedding?"
I’m graduating from my PhD program in the spring. I’ve been picturing this day for the last 4 years and already had so many ideas for how I would celebrate in my head. My sister just told me that she has planned her wedding for the same day as my graduation.
She is not willing to choose a different date as the numerology is what she’s after. I just feel weird about the whole thing as she seems to have planned her wedding on a whim, but still expects me to change my celebration plans for hers. A couple things to consider:
My graduation is out of state so it’s not like I could walk and then still make it to the wedding. I spent time and money to get ordained specifically so I could officiate her wedding, but she has decided she doesn’t want that and has chosen to go to the courthouse instead. Her wedding is not extravagant, just the courthouse and then dinner with the immediate family.
My own 6-year wedding anniversary is only two days after her planned wedding date. This irks my husband, but I get it, we don’t own the calendar. I’ve offered to plan her bachelorette party, bridal shower, and help her with anything she needs wedding planning wise, but she is not interested.
She already planned and paid for her own bachelorette party. My family was planning on attending my graduation as well, but if I choose to walk then they will be put in the awkward position of choosing which event to attend.
My first instinct was that of course I’ll be there for my sister, but her behavior is making it seem like she doesn’t really care whether I’m there or not. I haven’t made any travel plans yet, but I’m trying to consider what would be best?
EDIT:
Thank you all for the replies. Seems overall consensus is I should go to my graduation For those who asked I will be receiving a doctorate in clinical nutrition. Interesting fact you all made me think about, 0.8% of Americans graduate with a clinical doctorate, while 48% of Americans get married.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Necessary-Stage5044 said:
NTA. You already had plans set in stone that couldn't be changed. Not many people get a PhD, and even fewer get more than one. I would go to my PhD graduation - especially since she is just doing a court house wedding and a small dinner. While I am sure it will piss her off, she will get over it.
cgrobin1 said:
You had you plans first? If so then she is the AH. Either way, you are entitled to attend your own celebration. You are invited to her wedding, not legally bound to be there. People need to stop being forced to attend someone else's event, specially when the poor planning disrespects you. NTA.
Buffyoh said:
Go to your graduation. You are not responsible for your sister's "numerology."
ZookeepergameWise774 said:
NTA. Your sister has made it clear to you that the “numerology” aspect of her wedding is FAR more important to her than you are. Let that sink in for a moment.
She does not care how hard you worked for this, or how important it is to you. Again, let that sink in. SHE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. Accept that fact, and move on accordingly.
gringaellie said:
NTA. Put you first, your sister obviously doesn't care about you or your achievements.
Aggravating-Sock6502 said:
NTA. This reeks of your sister not being in the spotlight for 5 whole minutes and wanting to diminish your incredible accomplishment. Walk at your grad ceremony, celebrate yourself, and tell your sister you'll be a bridesmaid at her next wedding.
Livid-You-4376 said:
NTA - Earning your PhD, congratulations and you should strut your hard working, happy a$% at graduation! Your sister picked the same day and that’s a shame , so maybe get together and have dinner, exchange stories. Don’t miss out on YOUR own ACHIEVEMENT!!!!