'AITA for choosing to have my brother fill a father-of-the-bride role?' 'My FIL offered.'
"AITA for choosing to have my brother fill a father-of-the-bride role and not my future FIL who offered?"
I (26f) was brought up by my eldest brother, who isn't that much older than me in reality. Our childhood was not a happy one. But he was responsible for the four of us (older brother, me, younger sister and younger brother) being the adults we are today.
It was totally unfair, but we do not have a typical sibling dynamic even though we have become more like siblings as adults vs a kid trying to raise other kids. I owe him everything. And I appreciate him more than anyone else in my life. He gave up so much for me/us.
We had talked before about weddings and I told him if I ever got married I'd want him to be more than a groomsman or bridesman. That he was so much more than my brother and he was cool with and even touched by the fact I'd want him to act like father of the bride. In so many ways he is, as unfair as that is.
My fiance understands this and he knew the score before we even got engaged. His family are aware of my past, of the circumstances and the fact my eldest brother is the only parent I ever really knew. My MIL is awesome and she adores my siblings and especially my eldest brother. And in this she has my back too. Just like my fiance.
So anyway, future FIL, upon learning his son and I were engaged, offered to step in as father of the bride. I thanked him but told him my brother was going to be acting in that role. He didn't really respond and I figured he was fine.
But then he brought up how strange it would look for a brother less than a decade older than me to be acting as my father during my wedding. I told him my brother might not be old enough but he was effectively the only parent I ever had and that while I appreciate him (future FIL), my brother deserves to be recognized for what he did. I also told him I did appreciate his offer and it was very kind of him.
He brought it up Sunday evening when my fiance and I joined a family dinner. MIL was quick to step in and say that it made perfect sense and FIL was talking nonsense and my fiance told him that he should understand that appearances matter way less than actual relationships and our wants and comfort for our wedding.
FIL told me he felt offended that I'd pass on him when he will become what is basically a father to me after I marry his son. MIL told him he was being silly because he doesn't need to walk me down the aisle or play a specific role for me in the wedding to act in a caring way.
I can tell he's offended and maybe a little hurt and I can see he's not happy with me. It makes me question if I shouldn't have turned him down entirely...AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
hannahkelli said:
NTA. Your future FIL is being super weird about this and it makes very, very little sense. You wanting to have your brother step into that role and acknowledge how important he's been in your life on your wedding day is beautiful. Your fiancé are future MIL get it. Don't let his weird, selfish response to your very reasonable choice get to you.
Hello_JustSayin said:
NTA. While sweet of your future FIL to offer, it is odd that he is pushing this. Not that you need an reason, but I think that it is very sweet and touching why you want your brother to walk you down the aisle. It makes complete sense and there is nothing odd about it.
Safe-War-7624 said:
NTA...I actually had my brother walk me down the aisle..my dad want around enough for me to consider asking him...and my grandpa had passed a year or so before. Don't cave on this...maybe have a special dance with him at the reception so he feels included.
Effective_Brief8295 said:
NTA. Sounds like he might have a control issue or wants to play the hero in front of his family and friends.
scorpionmittens said:
NTA. So, let me get this straight. He thinks it would be "weird" for your brother to walk you down the aisle because he's not old enough to be your father, but somehow it wouldn't be weird to have your FIL act as your dad, even though that would make you and your husband siblings?
Effective_Brief8295 said:
NTA. Sounds like he might have a control issue or wants to play the hero in front of his family and friends.