'AITA for refusing to prioritize my MIL’s feelings over my own at our wedding?'

"AITA for choosing my feelings over my MIL’s at my wedding?"

Hi everyone. My wedding is this weekend. My parents are divorced and my dad was basically absent from my life until I was 23, so I don’t want him to walk me down the aisle. To be honest, I also dislike the tradition in general — the whole idea of a father “giving away” his daughter to another man. On top of that, my fiancé and I have already been living together for 5 years.

I suggested doing a “first look” and then walking into the ceremony together. My fiancé said it wasn’t a bad idea. We didn’t lock in every single detail at that time, but since we discussed it, I assumed we were on the same page. We even talked about how we’d arrive at the venue and what music would be playing, so to me it felt settled.

Today, when talking with friends, I casually mentioned that we’d be walking in together. Later, when it was just the two of us, my fiancé asked me when that was “decided.” I explained my reasoning — that since he agreed to the first look, I took that as agreement to enter together as well. He didn’t like that because apparently he hasn’t told his mom yet.

Here’s where the problem starts: his mom is very religious (not the same faith as either of us) and has often tried to insert herself into our wedding plans in ways that didn’t feel like “advice,” more like instructions. To be clear, we are paying for the entire wedding ourselves without any parental contributions.

So now there’s tension because he’s worried about how his mom will react if we don’t follow the traditional aisle walk. I honestly just want him to prioritize my feelings on this — the bride, his partner — instead of his mother’s. AITA for standing firm on this and wanting my future husband to consider my feelings over his mom’s?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Liv_InginOz said:

You are NTA but what your MIL wants and what the two of decide together is what matters. Does he ask for her advice on a lot of his life choices? If so, that’s a big red flag but if not then it doesn’t matter. Congrats and good luck!

LhasaApsoSmile said:

NTA. You need to have a talk with your groom: your feelings are no 1 here, mom is now no 2. It doesn't mean that you will never take her feelings into account, it just means that you two are team. Her religion has nothing to do with your wedding.

Remarkable_Buyer4625 said:

Are you sure he’s actually prioritizing his mom’s feelings and not his own? (i.e., is he using his mom as a scapegoat but he’s truly the one who wants a more traditional entrance?

OP responded:

Maybe, but I feel like he should have told me this when we were first talking about walking down the aisle together.. I feel misled because he never mentioned that he really wants it the traditional way.

biscuitboi967 said:

I think you’d had a while to think about it when you brought it up, and he has since had more time to think about it.

I know we think women only care about weddings, but some dudes have “visions” too. He may like the pomp and circumstance of walking his mom. May want to have a minute where he’s up there by himself looking dapper. May want that Hollywood movie dramatic entrance where the doors open and you walk down to music while staring only at him.

If he, personally, has an opinion about his wedding, I think it warrants more than a convo months ago that he clearly doesn’t remember.

OP responded:

We are 5 days from the wedding, I think he had time to share his vision, because we had multiple conversations about this or in this direction. What bothers me, that he knew clearly that I don’t want to walk with my father, and he is playing dumb now

PuzzleheadedAct3431 said:

NTA what does walking down the aisle have to do with religion??

OP responded:

In Eastern Europe we walk down the aisle in the church (traditionally) the woman with the father and the man with the mother. She is very religious, and she wants to be seen there.