'AITA for choosing to pee in a gas station bathroom against the suggestions of my parents?'

"AITA for choosing to pee in a gas station bathroom against the suggestions of my parents?"

Honestly I’m too tired to dedicate any energy trying to understand what I did wrong here. I need a third party input. I (24M) currently live with my parents (53M 50F). I am due to train for a government job (ATC) in like two days.

I am taking this opportunity to get myself deployed literally anywhere else and leave. A week ago I agreed to help my mother help my little brother (22M) and his pregnant girlfriend (~21F) move into a different apartment.

Mom doesn’t “trust” me to drive with her in the car and I’ve since stopped offering to help her. We’re headed to their old apartment when we realized we were low on gas. She calls her husband to drive up to the gas station we’re at to put gas in the car for her. This is completely normal and I’ve since stopped offering to help him 🤷🏿‍♂️

I realize I have to piss. I let them know, and exit the car. “IN THE GAS STATION!?!?” I hear as I leave. They shout at me from the car to stop and come back, I let them know it’s okay, I’m just peeing, and I will be back.

I enter the gas station, by the time I find the restroom Dad walks in, asking why I was ignoring him, and they gas station bathrooms are dirty, mom will drive me to a cleaner bathroom. I’m getting looks from strangers. I tell him I have to pee, and this is a risk I’m willing to take.

When I finish I find mom had driven off, I enter dad’s car and ask where she went. He says she left, because I was disrespectful. I tell him I don’t believe it’s disrespectful to not let someone dictate where and when I pee because they think they’re better than a public bathroom. “What?” He barked, “You said you had to poop!” Why would I poop in a public bathroom? I said. I told him had to pee.

He insists I said poop, then goes on to explain by Ignoring them I was incredibly disrespectful, not only to my mother, but as a man, as I walked off and ignored another man as he was speaking to me. I reiterated that random men don’t have a right to dictate when and where I pee, and most normal people would not be this worked up, I add people were giving us looks.

He just blows off. Tells me from now on, he’ll give me the “Same energy” back. “I’m a grown man, I know how to take care of myself, you don’t know what other people think, you’re still learning."

More things were said but I honestly don’t have the energy to remember. Ask me a specific question if you wish. We return home and he stands outside for like 2 minutes before I ask if he’s coming in. “Do your thing” he says. “Okay, want me to close the door?” “I know how to take care of my own garage door.”

Later get a call from mom saying she was trying to tell me there was a diner next door I could’ve pissed in, but my disregard for her is hurting her peace. She feels she no longer knows her son. I tell her there’s no reason to get worked up over something so minor, and she hangs up demanding I let her have peace. What did I do wrong here? AITA?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

LiveKindly01 wrote:

Jesus. So much wrong here. Your mom can't pump her own gas but thinks she needs to tell you where to go to the bathroom?

So much help is needed....good luck to your entire family.

OP responded:

Moreso she chooses not to. My younger sister (22F), who still lived with them as well, is the same way. Also telling me how to do things but refuses to do basic things cuz she’s a girl. Down to telling daddy whenever she sees a bug or wants bottled waters transferred from our garage to the fridge.

Older sister (27F), also stuck with us, after forgiving me for something horrible I did to her three years ago on the same level of idiocy, constantly tells me she has a stick up her butt.

Mooploom wrote:

OP, two paths are before you.

Continue to allow yourself to be sucked down into this drama whirlpool with your family of origin by caring about whatever nonsense of the week they manage to put on.

Protect your peace by realizing that this is insanity, that healthy people don’t act this way, and that you’re an adult man who is capable of making his own decisions.

The second one is harder, because it means that you need to stay calm when everybody else is acting like a maniac. It means don’t rise to the bait. It means don’t waste time arguing or trying to figure out why irrational people do irrational things. It means stop trying to placate. This choice is substantially better for you long-term. NTA.

OP responded:

I wish I had friends. But I’m hoping the folks in the FAA understand my situation and help me with my chronic street stupidity. Parents are convinced I will get a station near home so I can stay home forever, to pay off student loans. I don’t have any joy or peace here.

I can choose home (75 minute drive both ways) if they offer it, but I’m just going to tell them they forced me in Colorado. They think it’s sane to reject the job if they offer me a location away from home if iI successfully pass training. I’ve given up trying to explain otherwise. Can’t expect support on the state move on such short notice like any normal young adult could.

LhasaApsoSmile wrote:

NTA. Your family is nuts. I need clarification on something. Your mother does not pump her own gas? Your father had to stop what he was doing and go to the gas station - wasting gas - to pump gas for your mom? Your relationship is SOOOO bad with your mother that you won't pump it for her? Does your mother choose to be helpless or does she insist on being served?

You are in the process of moving away and being your own person. Let me give you a heads-up that if you tell people about how your family operates you will get some very odd looks.

thecuriousiguana wrote:

Your parents sound unhinged. Who gets someone else to drive to put fuel in their car for them?

I suspect something more is going on here, whether your mum has OCD or a similar condition. Or whether dad is particularly controlling. Either way, NTA