'AITA for choosing to go see Hamilton on Broadway for Christmas instead of going on a family trip?'
"AITA for choosing to go see Hamilton on Broadway for Christmas instead of going on a family trip?"
I (19F), am a full-time college student and also work part-time on the days I'm not at school. I also still live with both of my parents in separate houses (they've been divorced since I was very little). I almost never take time off work or school, so I can save my money.
My mom remarried my step-dad when I was 11 or 12, and I'm at my mom's house most of the time, only going to my dad's every other weekend to hang out with my Dad and my half-sister.
Every holiday, my mom brings up a trip to see my step-dad's family in Illinois, which is very far from where we live (around a two day drive), to which I never have time to go and/or it intervenes with holiday time that I would rather spend with my dad.
This year, my mom proposed we go for Christmas, and naturally, I declined the trip- and was met with "Since you never come to Illinois with us, you have to come for at least one trip to see your step-dad's family."
As the conversation went on, I guilt tripped into the options of going for Thanksgiving (which would've been the same couple days near my 20th birthday), Christmas (which would've taken me away from my dad and sister for the holiday), or New Years...which is pretty much my only real option. Of course, I chose New Years.
A couple weeks ago, my half-sister's mom invited me to see Hamilton on Broadway with my half-sister and their family during Christmas time, which I was on the fence about- considering it would be on a holiday still, but after talking to my dad about it, he told me:
"You'll never get this opportunity again."
"Don't worry about me," so I said yes. I told my mom the details of the trip, that I wouldn't be back until the 29th of December- and she seemed fine with it.
Nothing was brought up to me about the Illinois New Years trip until today- when my mom send a picture of her time off request at work for the trip...and she took off from the 25th of December to the 2nd of January- which definitely intervenes with the details of my trip to New York.
I wasn't asked about anything dealing with this trip at all- and even then, the trip would still intervene with Christmas at my dad's if I wasn't going to New York.
I assumed she just forgot about it and responded to the pictures with "Can we talk about what days we're going when you get home because I'm still going to New York during that time?"
I thought it would be an easy fix, we could just talk about pushing us leaving for Illinois back until the day after I get back from New York, but when my mom got home, things got very ugly- very quick.
I went up to my mom, bringing up the trip and asking if we could move it back a couple days, so I can do both trips- but I was met with yelling and more guilt tripping about "If you choose going to New York over going to Illinois for family, you're a bad person."
I feel like I'm doing something wrong by denying the trip again, but I tried to have an adult conversation and was never asked about the trips details...AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Intrepid_Ad_7538 wrote:
NTA - You don’t really want to go to your step-dad’s family’s trip to begin with but were guilted into it. You don’t have to go. You told your mom the date of the NYC trip before and it sounds like she forgot or didn’t realize.
Either way, you asked if there’s any flexibility and now she’s not being flexible bc she wants to guilt you into going.
The way she’s talking to you is manipulative and unfair and she’s putting you in a lose-lose situation. You should go see Hamilton and enjoy yourself.
Lows-andhighs wrote:
Giiiirl, you'll only be an AH if you miss out on Hamilton on Broadway. I saw the touring production last year, absolutely phenomenal. You aren't an AH for backing out, because like you said, her trip interferes with your existing holiday plans with your dad.
Also, you're nineteen, if you don't want to spend over three days round trip of travel for your mom's husband's family, you don't have to. It sounds like your dad actually cares about your happiness, he wants you to go even if he won't be going.
Sounds like him and your sister's mom aren't together? And it sounds like you have a good enough relationship with her that she invited you, that's so great! Go see Hamilton, your sister is your family. And her mom can be your chosen family. Your mother is absolutely horrible for saying you'd be "a bad person" if you don't go.
Lunar-Eclipse0204 wrote:
NTA - you are 19 a legal adult you get to make these choices for yourself. Also can I join you at Hamilton somehow?? Also you are going to see Hamilton with Family just not their side of it...something to point out...your dad and step mom are your family too.
LissaBryan wrote:
Your dad is the parent who actually cares about his kid and wants the best for you. Your mother only cares about herself and what she wants.
NTA. Go to Hamilton and have a fabulous time in New York.
Cracker_Bites wrote:
Oh heck no! That sounds like a wonderful way to spend Christmas! I would LOVE to do that! Your Dad is right, these kinds of opportunities are few and far in between. Enjoy Hamilton! It sounds like you're not that close to your step dad's family - and that's okay. You can't please everyone - you're still spending time with family on the other side.