'AITA for choosing to not attend my sister’s wedding because of my newborn?'
"AITA for choosing to not attend my sister’s wedding because of my newborn?"
I (27F) decided to not attend my sister’s (31F) wedding and she’s pretty upset about it. I am pregnant right now and her wedding ceremony is set for less than two months after my due date. The wedding is in another state, which would require a plane trip or a long car drive, and I don’t want to do either of those with a very young baby; there are too many risks involved for the baby that I’m not willing to take.
My sister initially told me that I could just bring the child with me, but when I explained to her how complicated it would be she at least accepted that it wasn’t a reasonable idea. She still wanted me to come though, she told me that I could just leave the baby at home with my husband or a nanny.
There is no way that I will leave my newborn alone with a nanny for several days, but I also don’t want to leave him alone with my husband. It’s not that I don’t trust him, but I don’t feel comfortable with the idea of being so far away from the baby while he’s so young.
On top of that I also don’t feel comfortable doing that trip on my own, as I have a physical disability and will still be in the postpartum stage. My sister is really sad because this is her one special day and she wants all her family present, but it’s not my fault she planned it at that specific time.
When I told her that she told me that she shouldn’t have to plan her wedding around my needs, which is totally fair, but at the same time she already knew my due date when she picked the day. If she really wanted me to be there she should’ve picked another date. So, AITA for refusing to go to her wedding?
This is what people had to say to OP:
RealTalkFastWalk said:
NAH. Two months feels quite reasonable to some and not to others. All babies are different and all postpartum recoveries take their own time and toll. Your sis is not TA for being disappointed.
Do you have to give a firm answer now? If possible, it might be ok to wait and see how you actually feel with a six week old, and make your final decision then. You’re not TA either way.
OP responded:
Thank you for your reply. If everything go super well and I feel great I will definitely reconsider, I just didn’t make a commitment because then the disappointment would be much greater.
BigMoon203 said:
NTA. It’s completely understandable that you wouldn’t want to travel with a newborn, and she booked the wedding date with the knowledge that your due date was only two months earlier. I agree that she shouldn’t have to plan her wedding around your needs, but then you are also allowed to prioritise your own needs (and that of your baby). She should be understanding of that.
Dzsidzsett said:
NTA. Your baby is your priority right now. Your sister knew your due date and still picked that date.
Jovon35 said:
NAH. Your feelings are valid and it's ok to decline given your circumstances. Your sister is NTA for being disappointed or for choosing her wedding date. It's just an unfortunate set of "life happens" circumstances that you both should be gracious about. Congratulations on baby and your sisters upcoming nuptials.
OP responded:
That’s how I feel too, I don’t blame her for prioritizing her needs, it’s her day after all. Thank you! :)
UtahFriday71 said:
Decisions have consequences. She chose to have her wedding that close to your due date and the consequence of that decision is that you won't be there. Your baby is absolutely at the top of your list and if she has any semblance of a brain she knows that. If and when she has a child she will understand. And don't feel any guilt whatsoever, none. You're going to be a great Mom! NTA
OP responded:
Thank you, it makes me feel better about it. I know that it’s possible to travel with infants by plane, but I can’t bear the thought of risking his health when he’s so small.