'AITA for clashing with my Nan and letting her know what I think about her bad parenting?'
"AITA for clashing with my Nan and letting her know what I think about her bad parenting?"
I (16F) live with my Dad (34M) who has had sole custody of me since I was 2 after my birth mother walked out on the both of us. That's not too relevant to the story but I want to give a slight backstory for us both.
Over the weekend we both attended a family bbq and my Nan (Dad's Mum) was there. He's in LC with her just to keep peace with the family and they only really have a brief talk at these family bbqs. During the bbq she started b#$ching about how my Dad is still unwilling to move on and forget about the past.
For some much needed information. My Dad is the youngest of her 2 sons, and she has openly given preference to his older brother their entire lives. She regretted not having a daughter as her 2nd child, and she took this out on my Dad whilst he was growing up. This made him have mental health troubles and anxiety. Something that he tried to keep me shielded from but came to light a few months ago.
I tried keeping my mouth shut during her entire b#$ching episode. But in the end I let slip what I was thinking when I said something along the lines of "if you weren't such a s#$t Mum, perhaps your youngest son wouldn't be in LC with you now."
She was visibly stunned and after processing what I said. She asked me to repeat what I said and why I said it. So I tore into her about how she was a s#$t Mum to my Dad and how her emotional ab-se of him f#$ked him up mentally. I also couldn't help but take a dig by mentioning the fact that it's unfortunate that my Dad had to deal with two sh@#ty women in his life (his Mum and my birth mother).
After that outburst my Dad and I left the family BBQ and returned home.
We spoke when we got home. And while my Dad isn't happy that I involved myself in adult matters and his personnel issues with his Mum, he does appreciate knowing that I care about him.
After that we spent the remaining day just catching up on some anime together. And she has been messaging my Dad demanding that I apologise. But so far he has ignored her and told me to not worry about it and that he'll handle it. I apologised to my Dad for my behaviour that has now given him more aggro with someone who he's in LC with.
But I don't want to apologise to the person who has caused so much harm to my Dad (I love him and I am very protective towards those who I love). So yeah. I feel like the AH for forcing myself into my Dad's problems with his Mum. But I don't regret speaking my mind to someone who has been pissing me off after I found out how much she hurt someone who I love.
The internet did not hold back one bit.
chloet5759 wrote:
NTA. For your GM to trash talk your dad in front of you shows how she never did nor never will take any responsiblilty for being a crap mother to him. Sometimes abusive people need to be called out on their sh#$ty behaviour. I bet that meant the world to your dad knowing you had his back!! Bravo!
OP responded:
He won't openly admit to it. Because he doesn't want to be one of those parents who emotionally depends on their child. But I do sense that he's happy knowing that I have his back and that I will fight in his corner for him.
phtcmp wrote:
NTA: Good for you for standing up for him. Maybe that will empower him to start don’t do for himself. Is there any real reason to not go full NC with her? Now would be an ideal time. Talk to him about it. He may have been remaining civil thinking it would be in your best interest for him ti maintain ties.
OP responded:
He maintained a level of LC just so that I could maintain relationships with my cousins. But as we're all growing older and more independent now, we don't need these family gatherings to keep in touch. So I am thinking of convincing my Dad that it's okay for him to go NC with her now.
several_air_3014 wrote:
NTA, especially since your dad's not objecting to it. He's likely only LC instead of NC because everyone treated him like the AH when he wanted to cut things off. Good for you for calling out her manipulative behavior, as she was 100% using the family gathering as an excuse to drum up support for her "victimhood."
OP responded:
My Dad gets along well with his siblings, cousins and aunts. And the only reason he is maintaining LC with her is for my sake. Not to have a relationship with her, but so that I can see my cousins and other family members. Many in the family don't agree with her. But she's one of those types who just keeps believing that she is always right and never wrong.
TheTallestGuy wrote:
NTA. Honestly, it sounds like your Nan has had this coming for a long time, and you just said what everyone else probably thinks but never had the guts to voice. You weren’t disrespectful for the sake of drama. You were defending someone you love from someone who’s done real harm. That’s not being an AH, that’s being loyal.
This-bodybuilder9629 wrote:
SO PROUD OF YOU FOR STANDING UP FOR THE ONES YOU LOVE. Your Nan is the BIGGEST AH. It ain't her life so why tf does she want to have a say in whatever your dad does?? Dad doing a slay job in not expecting or wanting you to apologise to her. Sounds like your dad is breaking the cycle of family shit and trauma by trying to raise you better.