I 35f, live with my two indoor dogs in a 3 bedroom house and my brother stays in one of the spare bedrooms every now and then. An old friend of the family and his wife with 3 kids will be coming to town in the next couple of weeks, they will stay for 3 days and asked me to accommodate them because “I have the space”.
I declined stating that I do not have guest bedrooms and that they are used for both office space and my brother’s personal space. He has all his stuff in the one room. They were pushing to stay at my house regardless, saying they can sleep in my living room, stating their kids can sleep on my sectional and they can bring an inflatable mattress.
I declined again stating that my dogs’ crates are in the adjacent dinning room area and that they wouldn’t sleep well with strangers in their immediate space and I get up at 6 am every morning to take them out and feed them etc. They got mad saying that I have always been welcome at their home ( I’ve never gone to stay with them) and that this really hurt their feelings.
Now I’ve gotten a couple of comments from other friends in common saying that I could have let them stay and that I was being selfish for not moving my dogs crates to another room and that changing the routine for 3 days would have not killed me.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply and share your thoughts. While I was reading through them I couldn’t stop crying , in part because I was ashamed at the fact that I am a pushover and that I have allowed others in my life to just walk all over me for the most part.
I have struggled with anxiety and depression for some years now and I feel that the thought of any kind of confrontation just puts me over the edge and I just usually give in to things I normally don’t want to do. ( going out, hosting dinner, game nights etc)
You all made me realize that some of the people in my OG group of friends are not the kind of people I want to continue being close to and have decided to slowly trickle away from them. We are not all who we used to be and I feel I’ve outgrown some of them.
Now, back to the issue of unwanted guests.. My friend group decided to help them out with their hotel stay for the 3 days they would be visiting ( which btw, is only a vacation type of trip for them because they moved away years ago and want to come see everyone)
I told them to count me out of the whole ordeal and that I had made other plans for that weekend and that I didn’t appreciate how things were handled nor how I was made to feel. Needless to say, they were a bit shocked but I think I am done with them. So once again, thank you 🙏🏻
Nope. NTA. One, is your place kid proof with locks on the office and bedroom doors? If no, even if yes, tell them your place isn't kid proof and you would worry for their safety. Also dogs thrive on routine. I am childless. I like Kids ok, but not in my space.
Any pets I have would come first. Anyone who is saying how terrible you are for not hosting them, tell them if it matters so much to them, they can host the family. You are not obligated to, it's your space, you get to decide who enters it.
I like the OP's growth.
Really eye opening.
"they will stay for 3 days and asked me to accommodate them because 'I have the space'."
It's pretty rude to invite oneself over and then have the gall to complain about it when someone can't take them in.
There are so many valid reasons for not being able to have guests. And, even if there isn't a valid reason, the person should still be allowed to say "no", regardless of what the other person needs.
Bahaha looks like the friends group have to babysit them instead of OP.
Will never not enjoy the shock that people get when former doormats find their spines.
Entitled people are the worst. I'm happy for OP is able to learn to stand up for herself and not open the door. No one needs an entitled person to deal.
I would be SO embarrassed to go and live even for a few days in a home where I know I'm not wholeheartedly welcome. How do these entitled people do it? I'd seriously rather die.
Are none if OP’s friend group noticing how bizarre it is to arrange a trip away when you can’t actually pay for your own accommodation? Why wouldn’t you just not go away if you were strapped for cash?
You always have every right to say no for any reason. I would think that staying with friends with kids would be preferable than staying with OP despite the lack of space. They would have a childproof space. They have children so they would be understanding of problems like crankiness or tantrums.
The children could bunk together and play together. They would have toys to play with. They would know about kid-friendly destinations and babysitters. Wanting only OP’s house or a hotel is suspect. I expect that they thought OP could be bullied into giving them the space they wanted besides just the living room and disrupting their routine for their comfort.