'AITA? I told my coworker that she's falling for a romance scam and now she's upset.'
"AITA? I told my coworker that she's falling for a romance scam and now she's upset."
My friend, let's call her Nancy, Nancy and I work together for 3-4 years at a hair salon. Nancy is early 30s, kind of an airhead, gullible but a really kind and nice person.
She's currently in a relationship with this guy for about 6 months. He live in New York (we're in the Midwest), they talk on the phone all the time. He's been out here a couple of times to visit, we've never met but heard a lot about their relationship.
This morning she texted me at 6AM asking to borrow 10k because her boyfriend's mom have a family emergency and needs the money soon. She said he's working on an offshore oil rig in Dubai for two months and couldn't transfer the money until he's come back to the State. She doesn't have the money, so she ask if I can ask my relatives for the 10k for her.
I told her that this sounds like a romance scam and that if he's asking her for such a big amount of money like that early in their relationship it's a red flag and she should reconsider.
I told her that since I don't her boyfriend that well and if he's ghost her, either me or her will be on the hook for the 10k. Now she won't answer my text or call, she also took a personal day from work today. AITA? Should I kept my mouth shut and mind my own business.
Yes, she is very naive and gullible. She believes she can talk to ghost and spirits. That's another can of worms that I won't get into. She didn't bring her boyfriend around when he was in town (a couple of times) just a bunch of excuses.
I told her sister about it and got an earful about how I shouldn't judge a person in need like that. I gave up. I sent her a few articles about sweetheart and pig butchering scams, still no reply. I know she read it.
She's not the type that's loaded, she lives with her parents in their basement and lives paycheck to paycheck. I hope she will realize this is a scam before she's in debt. This will be an expensive lesson. Thank you for letting me vent.
Two days later, the OP returned with an update.
Edit 2: She just texted and asked for the money under the guise of her sister needing it, it was a flat "No". I feel bad for her, I told other coworkers and my boss about it so they can say "no" to her and maybe she'll understand from a group perspective that we're trying to protect her.
A little over two weeks later, the OP returned with another update.
What I suspected was true, she was in a romance scam. She has never met her boyfriend in person, they only talk online. She said she was lonely and was afraid of being alone. She said her boyfriend stopped contacting her after she couldn't get the money and started asking simple questions ( like no Internet on the rig, Satellite phone, etc..) .
After that she realized that he was scamming her, she started telling me about how she had been sending him small amounts of money like $50-500 at the past 6 months to "help" him out with some small emergency. When he ghosted her after she couldn't help him with the 10k then she realized that she had been romance scammed. I'm glad that she saw it for what it was.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA - that's a classic scam scenario, and in any case, she shouldn't be trying to borrow such a large sum of money from you and your relatives even for herself - much less for a total stranger who sounds nice online!!!
It's a good thing that you warned her; I suppose you might have added links to some reliable sources on scams too, if you had had the chance. Now you can only hope that she comes to a sensible conclusion while isolating herself from you and taking time off work - I hope to think and do research.
raise your hand if you love to lend coworkers thousands of dollars and ask your family to help you do so with no problem.
As soon as OP said they'd never met the boyfriend, I thought, neither has Nancy.
Oof, I’m glad that OP helped her coworker realize the scam before she was in too deep. My husband has a coworker who lost a lot of money in a “pig butchering” crypto scheme… he was warned but didn’t listen. Scammers are really good at exploiting their victim’s weaknesses.
Romance scams are sad. I feel bad for the people who fall for them, honestly, even if they seem super obvious to some of us -- there's a reason they work. F scammers.
Who tf has 10k to loan out anyway? Can I be their friend…?
Romance scams make me so sad. Like, I watched a video of a group debunking one a woman was already starting to think was a scam (so she was already halfway out the door), but she looked so heartbroken when they confirmed he wasn't real.
You have to be pretty naive to fall for them, but a lot of people never picked up the tools to sniff out that kind of stuff, especially because a lot of them prey specifically on people who don't know better (older, single women who mostly use computers for casual social media stuff).
All scams make me sad, it's just especially gross to me when it's a romance scam picking on basic human needs for companionship and attention, especially when it's targeting vulnerable people society is more likely to write off.
Oh man. That's sad. Best case would be that Nancy had caught it right at the start, but it's much much better than the alternative that her co-workers got through to her BEFORE the big expenditures started coming up.
I feel for Nancy and I'm glad she wised up, but her coming right back with "can you give me the same amount of money but for my sister instead" feels like two kids in a trench coat trying to buy R-rated movie tickets.