College freshman asks heartbroken roommate to leave room over loud crying; AITA?
The first year of college can be stressful enough without having to hear a detailed, teary play-by-play of your college roommate's recent breakup...
Heartbreak can be a true nightmare that makes everything in life seem like an unbearable melodrama, but it's important to be considerate of others when you're screaming into your pillow in the middle of the night. So, when a frustrated college freshman decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about her roommate's breakup, people were ready to help out.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for asking my roommate to leave the room while crying over her breakup with her boyfriend so I could sleep?
I’m a college freshman and I opted to go for a random roommate. I was matched with this girl Donna, and so far we’ve gotten along pretty well. Donna has a boyfriend, Malcolm, who she’s constantly on the phone with from the time she wakes up until the time she goes to sleep.
A few weeks ago, I wanted to go to sleep early since I had an 8 AM midterm the next day. I told Donna this in advance and she said she’d be quiet. I fell asleep at about 9:30.
However, at around 1 am, I woke up to the sound of Donna scream-crying—literal screaming, like someone had just died. I immediately got out of bed and went over to her and asked her what was wrong, thinking something horrible had just happened.
It took me a little bit to get it out of her, but she managed to tell me that Malcolm had just broken up with her over text. I felt awful for her (no one deserves that) and spent a while trying to comfort her, but she wouldn’t calm down at all.
She just kept sobbing and sobbing very loudly, which is very understandable since it was my understanding that they had been together for a while.
Here’s where I might be the as*hole though: eventually, it started to get closer to 2:30 AM and Donna still wasn’t calming down. But I needed my sleep since I had a midterm in 5 hours, so I suggested we both just go to sleep and revisit it later.
She just looked at me like I was insane and asked if I really expected her to sleep. And then kept crying. I knew it was unlikely she’d calm down any time soon, so I very gently asked her if she could leave the room until she was able to calm down a bit so I could sleep.
Again, Donna just looked at me like I was crazy and didn’t say anything, just kept crying. I repeated myself (again, being as nice as possible) that she could go to the bathroom or the laundry room to compose herself and come back when she was ready.
Finally, she just got up without looking at me and stomped out (still crying) and I just went back to sleep. When I woke up for my midterm, she was back in her bed and sleeping, but since then she’s hardly said a word to me.
To note, I couldn’t go to a friend’s dorm to spend the night since a) most of my friends live in dorms that are farther away and I don’t want to walk by myself in the city at night and b) I wouldn’t wanna bother them on such short notice.
However, I still feel terrible about what happened since she was going through a lot, and I’d really appreciate outside perspectives.
Of course, the jury of internet strangers was eager to weigh in on this one. Here's what people had to say:
randomly-what said:
NTA (Not the As*hole) - you gave her an hour and a half to pull herself together and she couldn’t. It’s a breakup - not a death (I assume you would have reacted differently if it was more serious).
She refused to try to go to sleep (or just be quiet) and continued making a ruckus. You needed to sleep for your test. Asking her to leave was completely reasonable.
dazed1984 said:
NTA. Yeah breakups hurt and text is sh*tty but even so can’t literally be crying for that long with no consideration for anyone else.
puddingpie100 said:
NTA. Who scream cries and expects to be babied like that? You were more than considerate. Honestly once I found out she wasn’t dying I’d have tried to go right back to sleep.
MoreBoost34 said:
NTA. Your studies are the #1 priority and there's an understanding that you need to be respectful of your roommate and their schedule when living in a shared dorm room, so she has no right to disrupt your sleep all night when you have an early class or midterm. I feel for her and breakups suck but you're young and life will go on.
ToxicTexasMale said:
NTA - She's a drama queen.
alwayssoupy said:
NTA. The thing is, she was probably also keeping your neighbors awake as well. When I was in college, the girl in the room next to ours was probably going through something similar.
She was crying loudly and kept playing one song at full volume over and over for hours-the walls were cinder blocks and we could still hear everything. It took all of my will to not go over and ask her to at least try a different song!
To this day I can't listen to that one. I didn't even have an exam the next day but by morning I was still frazzled from all of the drama. Hopefully you two can smooth things over.
KindlyAnything3000 said:
NTA, you did what you could and needed to sleep, she was probably too upset to see how selfish she was being. I hope your exam went alright anyway.