"AITA for comparing my dad to my stepdad after he kept comparing me to my older brother?"

My dad was lecturing at me today. Most of it was about how I need to try harder at school and get better grades. I already try hard at school, it’s not like I am slacking. I am not as naturally smart and tbh it pisses me off that he doesn’t think I’m working hard.

My dad kept comparing me to my older brother “Peter” (who’s currently a student at Yale). I hate it when he does this because it just makes me feel super dumb and even if I spent all my waking time studying, I can’t be like Peter. Btw I’ve told my dad before that I hate being compared to Peter and asked him to please stop, and he said he would (this was a few months ago).

So I started comparing my dad to my stepdad who I know my dad doesn’t like, saying things like how my stepdad makes a lot more money than him, takes us on fancy vacations, makes my mom a lot happier, is way more fun and is a way better dad.

The last part was an exaggeration, they’re both great dads (and my stepdad is more of a buddy than a dad) but I wanted to get under his skin and I knew this would.

It made him really upset. He told me to stop but I kept pushing and said some more things to make him uncomfortable. I stopped when he started crying. I obviously feel bad for causing him distress but I also feel like he was getting a taste of his own medicine and getting a sense of how it feels when he does that to me. AITA in this situation?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

[deleted] said:

NTA. Bullies never learn unless you find their point of vulnerability. I’d say you hit the bullseye and then hit your bullseye arrow with at least two more arrows. Tell him you’ll quit giving him shit when he quits giving you shit.

[deleted] said:

NTA but I hope you explained to your dad that you were trying to make a point.

Help24-7 said:

Your Dad should have listened and respected the boundaries that you both set. That said..... You did go too far. You could have restated how you felt and attached a comparison between him and your stepdad as a comparison for you and Peter. Then ask him how he felt in that moment and worked off that.

Going on and on till you broke him down like that was a bit much... especially since you hadn't tried this approach before.....All said.... I vote NTA still.... But you need to go talk to your Dad again... And let him know you're not sorry for making the comparison for validating your views-- but that you're sorry you took it too far.

And I would gently remind him this has been an on going issue for you for a very long time... And what he felt in that moment has been years for you.... And that you still want a relationship with him....but it's between you and him.....not you Peter and him.....you are your own person and deserve to be treated and acknowledge as such.

The next day, OP shared this update:

Thank you for your advice and perspective on the situation. I texted my dad this morning apologizing for the mean things I said. I told him I said those things because he kept comparing me to Peter. He said it was ok but he was still acting distant with me and wouldn’t even look me in the eyes when I went downstairs and tried to make casual conversation.

So then I confronted him about being upset. He believes I meant what I said about wishing my stepdad was my biological dad and wishing my mom had met him first. I apologized again in person and told him that’s not true, that I only said it out of spite, but he’s not convinced :(

He did end up apologizing to me for comparing me with Peter and he said he only pushed me about getting better grades because he knows I am capable of it and that he wants me to have as many opportunities as possible for my future. He said he’ll never compare me again with Peter and that he’s sorry he had hurt me that way.

I feel really regretful for being so mean to him yesterday and saying those things that were untrue that now he can’t unhear or unbelieve. I guess it’s a lesson learned on my part to not get caught up in the heat of the moment and say things you can’t take back.