'AITA for confronting my mom on Mother's Day after she ruined my baby shower?'

"AITA for confronting my mother in the middle of Mother's Day because she ruined my baby shower?"

To give you some context, my mother (66 yo) and I (39F) have a really strain relationship. Unfortunately she is an alcoholic, a very toxic person and made my life a living hell, not only while growing up but also up to these days. I went no contact with her a couple of times in the past, but (like an idiot) always ended up giving her "another chance."

I'm pregnant at the moment with my second baby. When I had my first daughter six years ago, nobody throw me a baby shower. I had to plan the event all by myself. A week ago the godmother of my soon to come baby threw me one, and I was super excited!

We decided to celebrate the event at a beautiful vintage coffee house, where they make my favorite pastries (and because in those places there's no serving alcohol). But my mother had a couple of beers at her home, and she arrived to the event drunk... like mean drunk.

No need to say she made a spectacle of herself: shouting at the waitress, speaking at a very loud volume (shouting as well, actually) during conversations, trying picking fights with me, my sister, with my SIL, with my SIL mother.

My 6 yo daughter was there too and she started to scold her for no reason, finding her presence annoying. When my husband came to pick us up, she insulted him too, saying "I always thought you were useless my boy, but at the end you surprised me". She ruined the afternoon entirely.

I decided to go radio silent with her, and she noticed I kind of disappeared of her radar. When that happens she goes crazy. Starts sending messages, asking "is everything ok?", tries to force contact again... this time was no exception. To avoid confronting her I replied to her messages that everything is ok, in a very dry way.

She later organized a special lunch at her house for Mother's Day. I obviously decided not to go and politely refused the invitation, putting as an excuse that I'm to pregnant, that I need rest and want to stay at home.

Mother's day came and I send a general message to the family group wishing a "happy mother's day" in general to all the moms in the family. I asked my sister to get a simple present for her and split the cost of it with me, once more to avoid problems. But my mother started the day by calling me non stop.

When she couldn't reach me, she called my husband. She made my sister call me. In total: 20 missing calls. Then messages, "are you ok?", "are you angry?", "pick up, whats wrong?", "is the baby ok?"... trying to pass this as her being worried about the baby.

I wasn't gonna tell her anything, but my phone went nuclear all morning. And she wouldn't stop. Having enough I send her a voice message letting her know how I feel, how she ruined my baby shower, and how angry I am. She decided to play victim and got the whole family involved. Now, everybody is calling me an AH for ruining her mother's day.

On one hand I don't feel guilty, because nobody said the same about the fact that she ruined my baby shower. They all say "you know how mom is, let it go." But my sister is saying that I should stay quiet and have the conversation on Monday, not on mothers day. So know I feel kind of guilty. So I ask... AITA?

Edit: To the people wondering why I invited her knowing how she is, and why I gave her yet another chance to be part of my life... well... the problems is that she's the great matriarch of the family. She rules everything and everybody. All family gatterings go through her (I know, crazy...)

But the most important reason why I keep in contact is because of my dad. If I wanna see him, I have to go through her... always. When I cut ties with her the last time, he avoid calling me or seeing me because if she find out she was gonna go nuclear on him. Don't ask me why he never divorce her, and why he (and the rest of the family) enables her behaviour.

But the mayor problem is that my dad has been diagnosed with brain cancer last year. He had a malpractice that left him with several sequels. The worst one for him: he lost a big part of his sight. This caused a big depression on him, now he feels useless. When I told him that he is going to have a new grandson, he cried and smiled, after not doing so for so many months.

And he endure 21 rounds of radiation like a champ, all to be able to hold his brand new grandson in his arms. I don't know what will happen in the future, but my dad needs me... and I need him. And I CAN NOT LET THIS WOMEN take my father away from me. Not again.

This is what people had to say to OP:

sassyseagull1 said:

NTA but you've got to get firm and stop sending mixed messages. Block her on your phone. No gifts or messages for mother's day. Otherwise this will continue.

OP responded:

I know, you are totally right... but she's the great matriarch of the family. If I wanna see my dad I have to go through her... and he's really sick (he has brain cancer at the moment). That's why I keep her ni my life. But know, I don't know...

Vast-Fortune-1583 said:

NTA: Please for your own mental health, no NC. Period. She's toxic AF and you just don't need that.

ziggy0928 said:

Nope shes the ah. Id go no contact till she gets her drinking under control or sober. She will continue making it about herself.

FrostiePi said:

Eh.. it was your mother's day too and she was ruining it for you by stressing you out. While pregnant. Nta. Why does no one care about your mother's day. Or baby shower, or need for no stress right now?

Personally I wouldn't be in contact with this woman again. She's nasty to you, your husband and your children. What do you ACTUALLY gain by her being in your life?

Exotic-Rooster4427 said:

Stop letting her in. Drop your phone down the toilet and get a new number

OP responded:

I blocked her and let my sister know she's next if she doesn't stay out of this. My baby is due in two weeks on a schedule c-section. If she wants to meet her nephew, she better behave