'AITA for confronting people that wouldn’t shut up in the cinema?'

"AITA for confronting people that wouldn’t shut up in the cinema?"

I am sick of people chatting through films at the cinema - I have a cinema membership and go A LOT and cinema etiquette is getting worse.

I think its important to preface I am NOT a confrontational person, I’m incredibly shy and quiet, however I had had enough 🤣

When I was at the cinema yesterday, for the first 20 minutes of the film the person next to me was non stop chatting to the person they came with. Not even whispering just full on chatting. I kept looking at them when they were speaking to try to hint at them that they were being disruptive but we never made eye contact.

In the end I turned to them and asked if they were going to talk throughout the whole film. They looked at me like they had seen a ghost, with no response (I mean I can’t blame them for not responding, I think my confrontation shocked them) I asked them if they could please be respectful of the people around them.

They then stopped talking, but half way through the film got up to leave. The person next to me did turn to me before leaving, apologised for disrupting me and said the person they came with has extreme anxiety and he was trying to keep them calm and comforted and wow did I feel like an absolute idiot.

I myself struggle with anxiety and am incredibly shy, so I was quite proud of myself for even speaking up but then I sat for the rest of the film after they had left feeling incredibly guilty and just like an awful awful person.

Admittedly I should have confronted them in a nicer way and maybe asked them not to talk rather than being snappy with “are you going to talk through the whole film” but ultimately just looking for some opinions on this situation please - was I an AH!?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Seriouslees wrote:

Colour blind people can't be pilots, and everyone agrees that is acceptable. Your disability is YOURS to manage, and you do NOT get to negatively affect others because of it. If someone has such severe anxiety they can't watch a movie without constant talking, they do NOT get to watch movies in a theatre. NTA.

Pleasant_Taste_6088 wrote:

NTA. If that person truly had anxiety and needed conversation to reduce the anxious feelings, why did they choose to go to the cinema? Having anxiety (or any type of condition) does not give people an automatic free-pass to disregard social norms.

Etiquette exists for a reason and it applies to ALL of us. I am not suggesting that there is no room for accommodation for people with conditions but it is unreasonable to expect many others to pay for an experience and then be unable to enjoy it (read - see and hear the movie) in order to reduce anxiety for one.

Aromatic-South-1609 wrote:

NTA. I think the whole reason you are even considering that you could be an asshole here is a problem. I’m sensing this growing notion that our sensitivity to each other’s feelings is being confused for responsibility.

Like you should tolerate this kind of behaviour because someone is anxious. That person is responsible for their own feelings, and having those feelings doesn’t give them the right to ruin other peoples experience.

1962michael wrote:

NTA. It is not appropriate to talk during a film, or a play, or a lecture. It's not the place to work on someone's agoraphobia or whatever, if it means disturbing dozens of other paying customers. If they wanted to do this, they could have picked a film and a time that was sparsely attended, and sat away from others.

You were more than patient enough, waiting 20 minutes for them to stop talking.

Also, any apology that comes with an excuse, isn't really an apology. They should have apologized for talking without burdening you with their reason for being rude.

Human-Obligation3621 wrote:

NTA. No one’s anxiety requires them to talk at normal volume during a movie when other patrons are present. If they needed to be soothed, they could have sat in the back corner and whispered in a way that wouldn’t disturb anyone else. Their companion could have patted their arm.

While people should take care of their mental health, it is THEIR mental health. It does not give them free rein to behave badly in public and inconvenience/ruin experiences for strangers they encounter in the world. There’s also a very good chance they just made up the anxiety thing to make you feel bad.

aledethanlast wrote:

NTA. Unfortunately for the people you interrupted, moviegoing is not a public experience that can be mitigated by chatting with a friend. Its an experience with a specific etiquette and they weren't abiding by it.

If there is an AH in this story, it would be the "friend" who told you that the other person had extreme anxiety, because that information is worthless to the discussion beyond guilt trip material.

Fioreborn wrote:

NTA. Anxiety or not basic etiquette is to stfu at the cinema. If you don't like it, don't go. You said you have anxiety, do you talk through a movie? It's the same as people who pay to go see a movie and then sit on their phone the whole time, brightness up. (And before the haters start I do understand that everyones anxiety is different and is serious).

jazzlike_royals5244 wrote:

NTA. If someone has such bad anxiety that they can only cope with a movie if they talk all the way through it, maybe they would be better off watching something at home. It's incredibly disruptive.

Don't feel guilty. It wasn't their living room.