Teen sister accused of confusing baby into thinking she’s the mom. AITA?
"AITA for confusing my baby sister into believing I'm her mom?"
Hi guys! This is my first time on here, but I just need advice if you can please. I'm 16F and my dad passed away last year. Him and my mom had been divorced before that and they used to split custody and she's been remarried to my stepdad for years.
My baby sister turned 1 a couple of days ago and my mom is 5 months pregnant with a baby boy. I guess the problem started when my sister started teething? It was at the beginning of summer break and mom would just let her cry it out in her nursery alone and my sister is LOUD.
Not only was it annoying but also kind of sad because she's just a baby and going through pain alone so I used to grab her and try to soothe her. Being held and letting her chew on her fingers helped her some and I saw a TikTok of a teething baby using a cucumber and tried that too and it was like magic.
Anyway, I thought babies just teeth once and I was so wrong, so it became a routine of me taking care of her a lot? Mom didn't care as long as she wasn't crying, and I liked hanging out with her.
It wasn't 24/7 obviously, I had a part-time job and friends but whenever I came home, she would practically leap out of Mom/Stepdad's arms wanting to come to me. She also started fussing a lot whenever my mom would try to put her to sleep, like full-on baby kickboxing but she doesn't have that problem with me. She just kind of cuddles up to my chest and drifts off.
Anyway, I thought that was a baby being a baby, but my mom was fuming after my sister's birthday party because she wouldn't let my mom hold her in pictures or for the cake cutting and my grandma made a comment about my sister and I being Siamese twins.
But I just took it as we're close? Idk. My mom was fuming like I said, and she said that I'm confusing my sister into thinking I'm her mom and that I need to take a step back and stop it.
What am I supposed to do just ignore her whenever she cries or whenever she babbles for me? It's not like I push my mom out of the way to get to her, it's just that she'd be napping or in the bathroom or something and I don't want my sister crying her little lungs out.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
NTA. Your sister prefers you over your mother because your mother has failed her as a parent. From the sounds of it, you are the only one who comforts her when she cries, shows her affection and gives her your time, and cares for her needs outside of physically.
Your mother is a bad parent. Who leaves a baby to scream cry and thinks that’s okay? If she wants to throw a hissy fit over the fact her teenager is more of a concerned parent than let her. Keep doing that you’re doing because this is helping your sister more than you know it.
Old_Cicada_2062 (OP)
Hi! I just want to clarify that she doesn't ignore her but when she was teething, she said that there's nothing she can do for her anyway because it's something all babies go through.
Yes, all babies go through it. That's why we have hundreds of ways of managing it. Parents have been soothing their children through teething for as long as we've had teeth. Even if you can't stop the pain, the comfort of someone being there and paying attention to you helps. Your mother was seriously psychologically harming your sister by ignoring here.
NTA, when I was younger my mum would lock me in my room thinking it would make me go to sleep, it didn't it traumatised me. I hate the dark and being alone and she didn't care.
She neglected and abused me all throughout my childhood and only now in my teens am I realizing how horrible she really was (she calls this me 'rebelling' when I don't want her near me) please try to get out of that toxic environment like I'm trying to do, I don't know the full story but no mother should feel jealous of their daughter for parenting better than her.
Old_Cicada_2062 (OP)
I'm so sorry you're going through that. I hope you get out of your situation and that it gets better for you!
That's... Instead of your mother being grateful that you love your baby sister and are bonding with her/helping take care of her, she's jealous? Maybe if she was doing her job, your sister would still reach out for her/want to be around her. Absolutely NTA, OP. Way to go on being the best big sister for her!
NTA. You bonded with your sister, where your mother didn't, or at least not as well. You're in a darn it you do, damned if you don't situation with our sister, If you take the step back that your other wants, it's very, very likely that your mother will be angry with you when your sister cries and yoou don't soothe her. With your mother is pregnant with yet another baby, you can look forward to more child care.
Old_Cicada_2062 (OP)
I love my baby sister/future baby brother but Idk it kind of makes me worried for when I leave? Because I only have 2 years of school left and then I'm aiming for a faraway college, like halfway across the country.
Some people enjoy the idea of being a mom but not actual taking on the responsibility and role as a mother.
NTA. You have developed a close bond with your sister- a great thing. Your mom is jealous, so she’s mad. Ignore her. You have done nothing wrong. She is having consequences for being a crappy mom. Good luck!
NTA your sister associates your mom with pain and being left alone while associating you with comfort. She doesn’t understand this of course being so young but that’s why she favors you.