'AITA for considering divorcing because I think my wife would prefer to be a single mom?'
"AITA for considering divorcing because I think my wife would prefer to be a single mom?"
My wife (33f) and I (30m) have had some issues in our marriage and I've reached the point of feeling like enough is enough. We've been married for 7 years, and our son is 3 years old. When my wife learned she was pregnant she decided to wait to tell me so she could surprise me.
By the time she told me she had told her friends and family. Her family took me finding out after everyone else as her being afraid to tell me and called me on it. She did not defend me. But claims she did when I was out of the room.
Later in her pregnancy when we talked baby names she mentioned that she no longer wanted to use the original name we had agreed on because her sister didn't like the name. She had told me we were not discussing names with anyone so I asked why she told her sister and she said she wanted some opinions. I told her we liked it.
Then I asked if she didn't anymore and she said she still did but she wanted her sister to like the name. Then she said her sister's opinion was too important and I asked her if her sister's opinion was more important than mine. She said no. But then she tried to push for a name her sister loved that my wife knew I hated
It left me feeling less important again. I know she was the one carrying our son, she was going through all the changes in her body, etc. But it made me sad that not only did she tell her friends and family she was pregnant first but then wanted her sisters opinion more than mine it felt like.
When our son was 18 months old he was taken to hospital. My wife was home with him and I was working from the office that day. My wife called her family before she called me and when I got to the hospital her parents were pissed at me for not being there sooner.
And then they said I'm clearly very uninvolved when my wife called them first. I admit I was more angry this time than sad and I told my wife she called 8 other people before me, our son's father. We talked about it some but our son was the focus.
My wife and I decided before that we wouldn't sign our son up for football unless he asked us to and he was older and was safe. We both agreed that the injuries sustained in football is a concern. All those brain injuries....it was something we were on the same page about. But a couple of weeks ago she told me she had put his name down to start in another year.
She did this without saying anything because her parents believe it's important that boys play football. This brought the hospital incident back more than anything and I told her it feels like she'd prefer being a single mom since it seems so easy to cut me out or dismiss my opinion.
She told me I was being unfair and she said I sounded ready to divorce her which was crazy. I didn't deny it and she told me I can't ruin our family over small disagreements. I reminded her she called 8 people when our son was taken to the hospital before me. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
NTA, she values her family's opinion over your own. Sounds like she would have a good support system as a single mom. Ironically, this may give you more say in your son's life when he's with you during your weekends post-divorce.
Point out that, if you divorced, you'd probably have more say in you son's upbringing than you have so far. Genuine question. On reflection, do you think your wife even likes you? NTA
I'm not sure I know anything about how she feels about me anymore.
These are not small disagreements, this are big decisions and she is absolutely in the wrong for cutting you out. She's treating you like a s^%$m donor.
Small disagreements? She’s shutting you out of your own child’s life. Has she always had you on the periphery of her life with her family at the center? NTA but you better have your ducks in a row if you want to have even shared custody of your son.
You might buy time and fix some things with therapy. Meantime, can you pick a day to spend just your son and you a few hours with overbearing mom’s family and wifey hovering?
I take care of my son during the week because I work from home. I'm still involved even after my wife gets home from work. But I'm engaged and involved which is where this makes me more mad/upset.
It just feels like after all this I should be trustworthy in her eyes but it almost feels more like a manny situation. Especially after the hospital. My first time in the office in such a long time and she didn't call me first when our son was became sick enough to be taken to hospital.
I'm wondering if it is your kid.
Leave and divorce your find someone better then her and ur be alot happer also you should start a DNA test to make sure she didn't cheat on you.