'AITA for correcting my husband about a chocolate croissant?'
"AITA for correcting my husband about a chocolate croissant?"
I (38) brought my husband (45) home a chocolate croissant. I told him "I got you a chocolate croissant". When he looked in the bag he said "I thought you said you got a chocolate croissant? This isn't a croissant." I told him that's what the bakery and many people call a chocolate croissant and he could google to confirm.
He said "A croissant is a specific shape. This is not a croissant." I googled "chocolate croissant" and showed him that what he had in front of him was considered a croissant. He then became very angry, yelling and accusing me of "always having to be right".
He said that his criticism was about the croissant and not me, and the fact that I had to "prove him wrong" was a deep failing in me and that I'm "just like my father". I told him in no way did I take anything personally, and I didn't want to prove him wrong, just share information about what is considered a croissant, as he was so firmly against the information I told him.
This ended in him yelling more, storming off and closing the door to our bedroom. Nothing inside me wants to prove him wrong - also if he didn't consider it a croissant (even though others may) that's fine!
On my side, I know having someone say "well actually..." must be annoying sometimes. I could have just ignored him and let him believe whatever he wants; who really cares what he believes a croissant is? But I am someone who likes facts and sharing opinions, and I am happy to be wrong and learn something new.
Am I wrong to assume his response would be "oh! cool! I didn't know that!" instead of lashing out and accusing me of needing to be right? Am I the a^#$ole for sharing correct information about a croissant?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
ESH, Everyone Sucks Here. "I told him that's what the bakery and many people call a chocolate croissant and he could google to confirm." So you started the whole "I'm right, the internet will prove it" nonsense. And he grabbed the bait and took it to the nth level. Do the two of you constantly spar like this?
My response would have been "Yeah the shape is different. That's just what the bakery calls them. They're good though" or something similar.
arge-Maximum-8191 OP responded:
This is good feedback! I've been on a journey discovering my undiagnosed autism, and I think my lack of emotional connection to facts is a part of the problem sometimes. I know my husband is sensitive, so just letting it go and focusing on how they are good is all that is really important. Ty.
This is funny but also sad. Now I am in the mood for a chocolate croissant, the only true croissant.
This is not about the shape of that delicious pastry, this is about your communication issues. Your SO was being a butthole but if he was tired of being corrected all the time maybe he had a point. But yelling and slamming doors is not a good look. You need to talk this out, but that should've been done well before you got married. NTA, probably.
Very true! ( About the croissant and the communication issues. <3 )
We normally have pretty good day to day communication. But he tends to shut down and lash out if he is feeling criticized. I think my perspective of "sharing facts" vs his perspective of "me needing to prove him wrong" makes him feel criticized and I don't want to do that. So, maybe I don't need to share facts as much.
You're NTA. The appropriate response to "I got you a chocolate croissant"" is "awesome, thank you!" Not a lecture about semantics. "He then became very angry, yelling and accusing me of 'always having to be right.'"
Wow, what an overreaction. He's the one who insisted upon correcting your words. Is he the only one permitted to correct people?
Large-Maximum-8191 OP responded:
Thank you for your opinion. That is what I expected too. <3 As a neurodiverse woman, all I hope for is a neutral sharing of information. Sometimes I wonder, if one of his friends said the same thing would he be yelling at them and accusing them of "always needing to be right"?
I think my husband takes things to heart, and I love him, so I want to communicate with him in a way he can accept. But, I do feel I lose a part of myself when he doesn't understand where I am coming from at all.
OP is clearly describing a Pain au chocolat!!
Large-Maximum-8191 OP responded:
100% it would have officially been considered pain au chocolat. <3 Living in English-speaking Canada pain au chocolat are often called and sold as "chocolate croissants". If his response was "I would call this pain au chocolat" I would have said "yea totally!". But I got stuck on confirming that geographically they are also known as "croissants", despite their shape.
I am very pro-communication, he is very anti-communication. It's something we need to work on for sure. Thanks for your feedback.
NTA and I hope you ate the croissant.
Large-Maximum-8191 OP responded:
No, he still ate it. Lol.
I would have told him you are right and then eaten the pastry right in front of him. And said next time I will get you a real croissant and not a fake chocolate croissant.
He says you need to prove him wrong yet he spent all this time trying to prove you wrong. So apparently you both have issues with always having to be right and this is just something you two need to work on. Nta
But you and your husband need to have better communication skills if this is how you talk about something as simple as a croissant.
Large-Maximum-8191 OP responded:
100% that would have been a much better response from me. I think my problem is I think I'm being helpful until he starts yelling at me. Which hurts. But I should know by now to just let him think and feel whatever he wants, make light of the situation and keep my facts to myself. Thank you for the feedback!