Couple who can't afford big wedding offends family with 'overflow' livestream; AITA?

If you're having a hard time trimming your wedding guest list, have you considered offending all of your guests with an 'overflow' wedding?

Don't worry, you'll still get to watch the ceremony from a sad little room that's not as expensive as a room that would accommodate everyone that the couple intended to invite! Who doesn't love to gather around a screen and cosplay 2020 Zoom life?

So, when a frustrated brother decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about an 'overflow' wedding, people everywhere were ready for the gossip.

AITA (Am I the As*hole) for Refusing to Go to My Brother's 'Overflow Wedding?'

My (23F) brother (30M) had been planning a wedding with his (26F) fiancee for a year. My brother and I have never been close because of our age difference, but it's not like we don't get along.

They'd been dating for a few years, and his fiancee wanted to have this giant wedding with all of our family and hers plus friends, plus ones, etc., but they really couldn't afford it.

They finally agreed to have this wedding at a venue that is somewhat small and they can afford it, but it does not allow more than 100 people in it at a time.

I guess her and her parents were mad about this because more than 100 people just in her family/friend list needed to be invited and their plus ones.

So they made a compromise where some guests would be a part of the 100, and the rest of the guests would be in the 'overflow wedding' so they would still be invited, but wouldn't mess up this limit the venue has.

The guests in that overflow room would watch the ceremony on a livestream video projected into this movie theater nearby the venue that they would rent out. I guess renting out a room in a theater is cheaper?? Idk.

Apparently her list is the most important, so I was invited to the overflow wedding???? I was pissed about this, and I asked him what this was about when we were at my dad's birthday party 2 weeks after I got the invite.

He said it was fine because I could go to the reception. I told him that it was the principle. I am his immediate family so I should be able to go to the normal venue.

He told me that he needs to make her family happy, and that I should understand. Then he said we're not that close of family, anyway, and that she needs to be happy on her wedding.

So basically, I told him that I will not be attending the wedding, and that I should get to go to the main ceremony. He got mad at me and we were yelling fighting.

Multiple people at the party yelled at me for making a scene and that it is 'Her day' and I should be grateful for even getting to go to the overflow wedding.So AITA?

It's a livestream and they're not even letting the group of reject guests watch from the comfort of their homes?

Of course, people were dying to pile on here. Here's what the jury of internet strangers and wedding shamers had to say about this glorious family drama:

atomic_golfcart said:

NTA. If there are 100 people in their lives who are more important to them than you, then they won’t miss you at the wedding.

This whole overflow reception feels like a shameless gift grab. If you’re watching on livestream from a completely different place, it’s not like it makes any difference to them whether you’re there or not.

Smudgikins said:

NTA first of all, it's not just 'her day'. The minimum the bride needs for a wedding is a groom ( or another bride, if that's the way she sails), which makes it ' their day.'

Secondly, it's just common sense to have a wedding you can afford. If you can only afford 100 people, trim the list.

And finally, an overflow wedding with only select guests being at the actual venue is an idea that would give Miss Manners the vapors . Unless you're marrying the king of England, your marriage shouldn't be televised.

Dittoheadforever said:

You're NTA but don't let this get under your skin too much. I'm sure you will be invited to the real deal for his second wedding.

hornsupguys said:

NTA. Your brother didn’t respect you enough to invite you (and from the sounds of it, the main wedding is probably 85% her family).

It sounds like you are basically getting to watch a livestream. You might as well do that from your house. You are immediate family. I’d expect an invite to the real wedding too.

Foggy_Radish said:

NTA. Wow - overflow wedding. That is new to me. And how horrible! I'd refuse as well. And I wouldn't send a gift because that is freaking rude. He has to kep HER and HER family happy? What about his happiness and the happiness of his family? This doesn't bode well for the long term.

embopbopbopdoowop said:

NTA. He can enjoy the day with the 100 people he deems more important than you, and you can do something else. “Then he said we’re not that close of family, anyway.” Then he shouldn’t be upset by your decision to decline.

gkcontra said:

NTA at all. They chose to semi invite you and you chose to not attend. I really fear the life your brother is setting up for himself if the rest of their lives he has to make them happy.

FeedbackCreative8334 said:

NTA. It's a wedding, not a subpoena. Excluding an immediate family member in favor of someone else is pretty low. You're the groom's sibling, not a second cousin once removed.

They had other options if they wanted something cheap. If they can afford to rent out two venues, they can afford a larger wedding venue with a cake and punch reception afterwards, instead of the reception you say they're planning. The groom is literally putting the catering ahead of his own brother.

So, there you have it...

Everyone agreed unanimously here that this brother-of-the-groom would not be in the wrong to ban this insult of a wedding. Good luck to everyone involved here...family holidays are about to get awkward.