Couple refuses to give guests plus-ones to their wedding, 'we're selfish.' AITA?

"AITA for not giving people plus-ones to our wedding?"

I (f26) and my fiancé (m30) are getting married later this year and we've recently began sending out the invitations. We've said from the beginning that we're only inviting partners of family members if we know them and that we're not going to be inviting partners that we don't know or are in fairly new relationships.

We hand delivered invitations to my fiancé's family and invited some partners (that we know and get along with well and have essentially been a part of the family as they've been around for a while), but other partners that we do not know have not been invited. I will note however that we haven't invited my mils partner as he's awful to my mil and we just do not like him for many reasons.

Today we went to visit my fiancé's grandparents and before we were able to properly greet them his grandmother began yelling at us that we're horrible for not inviting his cousins' partners (who we do not know and they've not been together for more than a couple of months)...

and that we're selfish for not wanting to pay extra money to invite them all and that "family should come first regardless of how long they've been family for." We told her that we have invited all immediate family but not the people we don't really know and I told her it wasn't her place to decide who should and should not get an invitation to our wedding.

She then began yelling at me claiming that we were treating my family better than my fiancé's and that I'd probably invited more people from my family than his (not true there are immediate members of my family who we are not inviting), she then called me an awful dil to my mil as mils partner isn't invited, as I said previously he's abusive to mil and just makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

So are we the arseholes for not inviting everyone's partners to our wedding? Edit: long term partners, fiancé's etc are invited...it's just short term partners that we do not know with the exception of one that aren't invited.

This is the case for both sides of the family not just my fiancé's, as I've already seen a few comments implying that I am treating my fiancé's family different to my own, we are not and after the wedding it's one family and I'm already treating it as such.

We have a budget that can accommodate 70 people, we've invited immediate family and some very close friends, we've been prioritizing those who we really want to share our day with, and not put ourselves into severe debt. I don't want to not invite some family and close friends to accommodate plus ones we have never met.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Listen-to-Mom said:

Not including plus-ones makes it very uncomfortable for some guests to attend.

Glittering-Grape6028 said:

You are the ahole for excluding MIL's partner. You are alienating her and making her have to choose between people she cares about. If he is abusive, she may really need your help someday and she may not feel comfortable asking.

RHND2020 said:

YTA - this sounds like an exhausting guest list. You aren’t inviting partners you don’t like? Or partners you don’t know well, regardless of how long they’ve been together? That is rude.

Do what you want, but of course people are angry. News flash: no one cares that much about your wedding, and if they can’t attend with their partner, they are unlikely to attend.

Dear_Ad_9640 said:

NTA, but kind of depends on the size of the wedding. 40-person guest list? Totally understandable. 150 person guest list? Kind of splitting hairs. You’re not hanging out with everyone intimately at a 150-person wedding. But grandma yelling at you was ridiculous.

SkiPhD said:

YTA. Who wants to go to a wedding alone? It's going to be a boring event for a lot of people. You don't know how serious a relationship is based on the time a couple has been together.

My husband and I were engaged within a month, married at 8 months, and have been together now 30 years. That being said, if I was a cousin who couldn't bring my significant other, I would decline. I'd also decline sending a gift.

Icy-Evening8152 said:

Idk man. I’m going yta. You should invite partners to weddings. Not doing so is extremely rude. Cut your guests list if you can’t afford more people.

Suitable-Park184 said:

YTA. While it is your day, you’re also the hosts, and should want your guests to feel welcome, comfortable and have a good experience. I think for many people that includes a plus one.

Traveling/driving, ceremony time, cocktail hour, meal, dancing… attending a wedding is a significant time commitment. Potentially costly, with gift, attire, travel expenses.

It’s just really nice to have someone with you. There’s only so much small talk to be made. What do the single guests do when everyone who has a plus one is out on the dance floor? They leave early.