Couple refuses traditional 'gender reveal' party, family is furious. AITA? UPDATED

"Am I wrong for not doing a 'normal' baby shower?"

I’m (25F) am pregnant with twins (IDENTICAL) and this weekend is my baby shower/s%x reveal. Since before I was pregnant I always said I wanted both things to happen on the same day because I didn’t want to be gifted gender specific things.

I didn’t want people to give me just blue clothes and trucks and building blocks if I had boys or give me only pink clothes and things with tiaras and tutus and dolls if I had girls. Doing both things the same day forces people to buy me gender neutral things and forces them to go through with it.

Although if someone brings something gender related and I end up having the opposite, I have no problem letting my kids play with those toys or put them in those outfits.

The theme for the party is teddy bears so everything is white, beige, brown and black and we’re doing the confetti thing only that if it’s “girls” the confetti will be white and if it’s “boys” the confetti will be beige to keep with the theme.

We mostly care about the pictures, my partner and I aren’t really that crazy about it considering we don’t really need anything baby wise, to us is just a party and an excuse to have all of our family in one place together considering how rare it is for it to happen.

The other thing that’s bothering people is that we’re calling it a s#x reveal not a gender reveal and for the fun of it my partner and I decided to do the balloon reveal thing but obviously instead of normal balloons we’re having letter balloons that either will say “XX” or “XY”.

Everyone close to us thought it was the funniest and most creative thing ever but apparently that’s “too much” to some people. When we started planning this party we just started throwing random ideas just to start planning something and some ideas stuck and others didn’t.

Obviously this didn’t go well with some older family members and they complained and even said they wouldn’t go, which I don’t care because it’s my party not theirs you know but it’s definitely causing some tension & there’s a little voice in my head that saying, just separate the two parties and do the whole blue and pink party…

For context we had a big Skype meeting with everyone to discuss the timing of the party and finishing up last touches and well drama started lol. What’s a family gathering without drama though, right?

Oh & I should add that this party is also to find out which team is winning the bet we have going on. If it’s team “boys” or team “girls”. The bet is because my family hasn’t had a “boy” in over 14 years and he’s the only one and my partners family hasn’t had a “girl” in 23 years, so we want to see whose breaking the family “curse” lol.

Edit: just to let everyone know,the party is this Saturday so on Sunday I’ll give an update on who won the bet and how it went through an edit on this post or do I make a new post?

Edit: Since some have made the one of each comment so that both side win the bet, I just want to clarify that our twins are identical so one side is going to be able to win not both.

Edit: the money that we make from the bet is going to be donated to various organizations that my partner and I support. We’re not keeping it for ourselves.

Edit : My partner and I aren’t asking for lots of gifts from our families, we’re only asking for what we need, nothing more. We already have everything necessary for the babies & we also don’t want a lot of stuff because early next year we’re moving to another country so I don’t need more stuff to pack and carry around.

The babies will also be born in October so close to the holidays and I’m sure our parents will go crazy with the gifts just because it’s their first holidays. AITA?

Here were the top rated comments after this initial post:

trepi writes:

You aren’t wrong. Your party, your babies, your rules.

I’m personally disappointed in folks feeling so strongly about these things that they’d not attend. That sucks. But, hey, their right to decide whether or not to attend, too, I guess. Pink blue or no go? Sheesh.

PS - Is it wrong to be quietly hoping they are fraternal, you get one of each, and you two break both “curses” at once? I hope not, it’s just the first thought that rang through my head!

hawkfa writes:

Not only that, but then NEITHER side wins the bet🤣

sciga writes:

You will be labeled a psycho woke mother. Welcome to the club! We also referred to it as a s^x reveal and avoided stereotyped color boxes. It turned out my boy is obsessed with pink (still, at 8) and my daughter only wants things that are blue. I didn't 'push' this on them, I let them be themselves and this is how it came out.

shadow writes:

Not wrong at all. I wish everyone who had babies did this, the world would be such a better place. Please don’t let them change your mind or impact your parenting, because you sound set up to give your kids a great, non s&xist upbringing!

vola9 writes:

Please don’t make the mistake my mom made and refuse to give them girly toys/clothes just because of yours beliefs. A lot of children actually love « stereotypical » toys that align with their gender.

The OP responded here:

I’m going to let my children choose what they want. If my daughters want Barbie’s I’ll buy them Barbie’s,if they want monster trucks and construction equipment I’ll also buy it for them. If they want a blue dinosaur shirt,I’ll buy it for them. If they want a pink sparkly shirt with butterflies I’ll buy it for them.

It’s their choice but while I’m the one dressing them ,I’m going to dress them with the clothes they have already and most of their clothes are gender neutral clothing. They have dresses,they have onesies,they have coats,they have pants, they have outfits of every single color of the rainbow and every single shade that ever existed.

6 days later the OP returned with a full update about the event:

Hey guys! Here’s the update I promised y’all. (You can see the original post on my profile,I don’t know how to link it )

The baby shower was yesterday and it was perfect, my WHOLE family came and we all laughed about the situation and those family members that got annoyed apologized and enjoyed the party and went along with my requests, did I still got blue or pink stuff?

YES, but it was gender neutral and contrary to popular belief my children will not be beige children, only the party was. Now to the part that everyone wants lol

The confetti that came out was white, the letters XX!!! So my fiancé broke his family’s “curse” and his family won the bet…. for those that got mad at my choice to reveal the s@x of our babies, we’re having girls.

We’re happy and excited. I’m happy that the baby shower was amazing, the decor, the games (those were just hilarious), the food, that party favors, the love in that room was amazing. We had so much fun last night im just happy and full of love and this baby shower was everything I wanted and so much more. The only hiccups we had was that :

1. I’m pregnant as you know and on Friday I felt a bit weird and I was having heartburn, I felt tiredness and felt a bit of discomfort in my pelvis area and that continued on till Saturday.

2. My belly grew and I didn’t fit into my original dress so we had to scramble and get a new dress for me lol. I feel better now, still kinda tired but we’re having a BBQ and some games for Father’s Day so we’re pushing through and just having a fun day.

Thanks for everyone who wanted an update and sent me good vibes and wishes! Now , we get to figure out names because we have absolutely no idea what their names are going to be

Readers continued to weigh in on OP's final update:

cheeslo writes:

This is the sanest variation of a gender reveal party I’ve ever read about.

aentine writes:

I love that there's nothing out of ordinary happening in the first post and people still wanted to complain.

hatin8 writes:

Yay!!! Congrats!!! So glad the party went well!!

And the heartburn is a killer!!! 18 years later, I still cringe over the memory of trying ro sleep while feeling like if I just exhaled hard enough, I could spew fire (I tried a couple times, no fire came out). Tums didn't do crap for me and that chalky taste made me gag. Pepcid worked well.

itrep writes:

Thank you for the update! I’m glad you had such a good time and that the families put their original opinions aside. Congratulations on your girls!!!

gasou writes:

Ahhh! Thank you for the update and congratulations! Happy that you guys were able to have a lovely time and enjoyed the shower!