Guest asks if she was 'childish' to 'storm out' of wedding over dietary restrictions.
Starving through a wedding is unfortunately a relatable experience as even the couple who paid for everything sometimes doesn't get to enjoy their dinner...
How early is too early to bail on an important family event if there's nothing you can eat? What do you do if you suspect bigotry is the reason why your family is suddenly passionate about dietary restrictions? So, when a conflicted cousin decided to consult the moral compass of the internet about the dinner that was served at a family wedding, people were ready to help.
AITA (Am I the As*hole) for leaving my cousin’s wedding early?
So my (23f) second cousin (24f) got married last night. She and I aren’t close at all. We’ve maybe said 3 sentences to each other in the past ten years, but most extended family was invited.
I brought my boyfriend (20m) as my plus one. He’d only met my parents before since this side of the family only really sees each other for weddings or funerals.
So the wedding ceremony happens and then there’s a cocktail hour while we wait for the catering to arrive. When the food shows up we go to get some food and it is only pulled pork sandwiches.
There are no sides or any other options. I’m not a pulled pork fan, but I would’ve just eaten a sandwich except my boyfriend is Muslim and can’t eat pork, so we decide to wait and stay a little longer into the reception and then we’ll leave and get some dinner at a restaurant.
So we sit through the speeches and all the first dances and the cutting of the cake and then when it’s just dancing and no more events we say goodbye to my parents and relatives we were sitting with and go grab some dinner at one of the few restaurants that is open later on Sundays.
I think all is good, but then I wake up to a text from my cousin’s parents (my first cousin and her husband) saying that it was ridiculously childish of me to “storm out” of the wedding just because I didn’t like the food. (I assume that they asked my parents where I went and they said we went to get dinner.)
I try to explain to them that it was because my boyfriend can’t eat pork due to religious reasons and to that they responded that i shouldn’t have brought someone so difficult that I knew was going to cause a scene. First of all there was no scene. second of all I hadn’t assumed it would just be pulled pork or we would’ve eaten pre wedding.
I responded to them saying they’re being kind of ridiculous since I left after all the events during the reception and there was no scene. They responded saying that I’m not welcome at any family events with my boyfriend since he obviously has no respect for them or their culture???
I genuinely don’t think my 2nd cousin or her new husband are upset at all. My parents also don’t see the big deal about it and I really think my cousin and her husband are just using it as an excuse for their islamophobia, but was it wrong for us to leave the reception earlier than most people?
Here's what people had to say about this one:
The-Answer-Is-57 said:
NTA. Once the cake is served, that signals the end of the 'official' stuff. It is fine to leave at any point after that. Sounds like you made a discrete exit. Any chance some of these complaining relatives are a bit bigoted towards Muslims? Sure sounds like they might be.
ABeerAndABook said:
NTA. OP stayed a more than respectful amount of time, said polite goodbyes, and left quietly and without fanfare. I suspect bigotry is the motivating factor behind the messages. Be happy you dont need to feel obligated to see them anymore!
Also, and I say this as a guy who loves him some pulled pork, but if that's all they were serving they really ought to have let guests know about the options or lack thereof. I'm guessing though that vegetarians and people with food allergies aren't welcomed either based on the type of folks we're dealing with.
Apotheke1708 said:
Nta, I‘m really confused why someone would serve only pulled pork sandwiches as a meal at Weddings. You didn’t make a scene and stayed for all events. I didin‘t see a problem and especially not an ahole.
DisneyBuckeye said:
NTA - I think you handled it well. And like you said, you've only spoken to the bride a handful of times during your entire life. I'd just let this go. Water off a duck's back. It's probably not worth the energy it would take to engage with your cousin.
dazed1984 said:
NTA. What wedding literally only has 1 thing to eat and doesn’t even provide a veggie option?
JenninMiami said
NTA they were being cheap and felt embarrassed- and they’re probably huge bigots too.
wayward_painter said:
NTA 1 - just 1 sandwich during cocktails is weird. 2- after cake it's considered fine to bow out. No 'scene' was made so your assumption of Islamophobia is probably spot on. And we don't cater to racists.