'My cousin is bringing his kids to my child-free wedding. What do I do?' UPDATED

"Cousin is bringing his kids to my no kids wedding… What would you do?"

Hi all! I’m getting married in a few weeks and while most things have gone without incident, this is really getting to me, and I would like some outside opinions.

For context: my fiancé (M30) and I (F30) went to 5 weddings over the last year, so we got a really good idea of what we wanted our wedding to look like. Months ago we made the decision to not have small children present at our wedding. While that is not stated on the invitation itself (there wasn’t room), it is indeed stated on the wedding website that you have to use to RSVP.

Fast forward to last night, 5 whole days after the “PLEASE RSVP BY” date, and my mom, fiancé and I are contacting the stragglers to get a yes or no from them so we have an appropriate count for the caterers.

My mom reaches out to our cousin who lives in our town and who we believed would most likely be coming but forgot to RSVP. She contacts him, he reaches out shortly after saying “I’m having some trouble with the RSVP. I see mine and (wife)’s name, but not the kids. We will all be coming.” (His kids are aged 3 and 8).

My mother, who is aware of our wishes, just said, ”Ok we will fix it for you!” and made no attempt to correct this issue. This, of course, my fiancé and I find very annoying to say the least. Partially upset with my cousin, though I’m sure it was because he was oblivious and not being malicious.

Partially upset with my mother, who made no attempt to correct him. But she has also handled just about everything for me that she could during wedding planning, as I have a full time job in healthcare and she is retired. I don’t want to be a bridezilla to her.

I’m afraid we missed the opportunity to say anything to him about it, it should have been said the minute he said he was bringing his kids. But since that didn’t happen, do we reach back out and correct them?

It’s important to note that we did invite two “kids” from another branch of my family, but they are 11 and 14 and able to conduct themselves appropriately in this situation. I’m not so much worried about the 8 year old as I am the 3 year old…

Another consideration: what will the people who were told/read that their kids can’t come. Will they be angry and think that my cousins got a pass just cause they’re family? What would you guys do in this situation? Please help, I feel like I’m going to turn any room I’m in into a rage room.

This is what people had to say to OP:

AltruisticCableCar said:

You either contact this cousin to let him know about the no child rule. Or you contact everyone else to say that you're now allowing children. Allowing just one person to bring kids - regardless of why that came to be - is not going to make you look good at all. Anyone who left their kids at home are going to look at you differently, and they won't be wrong really.

ParadeQueen said:

I would just call him, and say your mom passed on his message, and explain that the kids were not on the invitation because they are not invited. Be direct and up front so that they can either make other arrangements for the kids or decline the invitation.

You can mention that you realize people with kids might need to decline but that you hope they will take this opportunity to have an adult night out if you want, but let them know ahead of time that there will be no other young children under 11 at the wedding.

Statjmpar said:

Contact your cousin and say you are excited for his wife and him to be joining you, but your mother forgot that kids are not invited. If he lives in the same town, finding a babysitter shouldn’t be an issue as it would just be for the evening.

Junkalanche said:

Bro, just contact cousin and say, “We’ve been slammed trying to count the RSVP’s and Mom mentioned you were having trouble. I wanted to reach out personally and confirm the attendance of you and your SO as it’s a child-free wedding. Totally understand if this changes your decision.” Then just…. Move on?

OP later shared this update:

This is not gonna be a satisfying update. Without going into too much detail, my mom and I have had a complicated relationship. She also does not have a huge family to begin with, and very few are still alive. This cousin is on her side. While I agree with most of you, we should call him and correct him, I talked to my mom and she disagrees.

She doesn’t want to create a problem between her and one of her last standing family members. Yes I understand that’s a touch selfish on her part and it is my day, but she and my dad are paying for it. And I know whole heartedly if I continue to press the issue or go above her head, I will have a much bigger issue than a small child at my wedding.

For the sake of my mental health, I’m going to drop it, let them come, and hope I don’t piss off too many people. Today has been pretty stressful and awful and I can’t keep dwelling on it without literally making myself sick. Sorry to disappoint. A genuine thank you to everyone who gave helpful input. And to the few people who were unhelpful and/or rude, I hope your pillow is always warm. Have a day, jerks.