'Cousin offered to photograph our wedding as a gift. Now he’s billing us. AITA for refusing to pay?'

"Cousin offered to photograph our wedding 'as a gift' — now he’s billing us. AITA for refusing to pay?"

Got married recently.

My cousin is a professional wedding photographer and said “As my gift to you two, I would be happy to take the photos at your wedding.”

We told him we didn’t want him to feel obligated to do that or have him feel burdened with work during this celebratory weekend. He said he was happy to do it. We repeatedly expressed how grateful we were and made sure to tag his business in all our posts. We figured that was that.

Now it’s a few months later and he’s received our thank you note for attending and photographing. He called to say he was sorry for any miscommunication but the gift was taking the time to put us on his busy wedding photography schedule but we were still expected to pay. He wants $3,000.

Not to sound ungrateful but it was only him with a camera, no extra equipment or staff members. For less than that price we could have gone with our original choice of wedding photographer who’d offered more people present at the wedding and a more advanced photography set-up.

We told him because he’d said it was “his gift to us” we did not set aside a large photo budget, and now don’t have $3,000 to give him. He’s basically said we’re greedy assholes and don’t respect his work and this and that. I feel badly about the misunderstanding but I think it was an honest mistake on our parts and that he bears some responsibility for the expectation being unclear.

My parents think I should just drop it and pay him in installments to keep the peace. They seem to believe that I’m making this more than it needs to be.

I want to stand my ground but AITAH?

The internet did not hold back one bit.

Narciii wrote:

He robbed you of your chance to budget and choose a better option. NTA

If you have the photos you need don’t pay him.

OP responded:

Yes, I have the photos

$3,000 was already the high end of what we’d budgeted for photos. The other firm we were considering had packages ranging from $1,500 to $5,000 and we hadn’t settled on a package yet.

logical_cucumber3484 wrote:

Did he get you anything else for your wedding, any other gift? If he turned up empty handed except for his camera then he didn’t bring any gift. Family and money don’t mix well. Was there any contract involved?

OP responded:

No contract involved. Because I thought it was an outright gift it had not occurred to me we’d need one. My mistake there.

No, he did not give any other gift.

legallychallenged123 wrote:

It wasn’t an “honest mistake on your part.” He literally said it was a gift and you signed NOTHING. If this was supposed to be a business transaction the entire time, as a professional photographer, he would have had you sign a contract.

I have NEVER heard of any business involved in weddings including florists, caterers, etc, where there wasn’t a contract and/or some type of payment upfront. If your parents feel that strongly, they can give him $3000. It is completely unreasonable that they (and he). think you should give him anything. Show your parents the responses to this.

ScoreAdorable7875 wrote:

NTA, if he explicitly said it was his gift and never mentioned payment, it’s unfair to backpedal.

ocean_lei wrote:

After offering it as a gift he should have told you any costs that he expected you to pay. NTA It is Completely unprofessional for him to bill you for costs not agreed on in advance. Perhaps ask him for an itemized bill of costs to him because frankly he didnt buy special equipment and he says he isn't charging his time, but if he has printed beautiful photos, etc. I would reimburse him for those costs.

Unable_Ad_1470 wrote:

When I offered my photography services to my cousin for his wedding, I made it clear that my gift to them would be heavily discounting my rate. I think I charged them like $600 (like 75% off at the time), and I had to drive 400 miles round trip + stay at a hotel for this. Even still gave them my standard contract.

If your cousin offered their services as a gift and didn’t elaborate or specify what that would look like, that’s their own damn fault.

NTA, don’t pay ‘em a dime.

alankel wrote:

For our wedding (in 2014) a friend of my wife’s offered to take photos for us. Similar to yourself we were very grateful, “are you sure”, “don’t feel obliged” and all that. She was happy to do it, we were happy to have her. A week or so before the wedding I dropped by her place with an envelope with €500 in it.

“We feel guilty about you doing all this upcoming work” she refuses to take it, but of back and forth, all good, I leave and she has the envelope. Wedding, photos, all great. A year later. We have our first child. We get a card from her. €500 in it in the same envelope that I gave her the money in.

shitdipper wrote:

NTA - you would have gone with a photographer of your choice with your other budgetary considerations had he made it clear you were being charged. Tell him that it's YOU who is sorry for the miscommunication, but you did not budget for a $3000 photographer and had he mentioned his fee in any way at any point, this could have been avoided.

If he never mentioned a price, he can't even suggest there was an oral contract of any sort - no contract, no payment.

Remove any tags or branding you have put on social media - he doesn't deserve the recommendation or free publicity.

Funny-Wafer1450 wrote:

NTA. "Taking the time" to put you on his schedule is bs. Who charges for putting a client on a schedule? Unfortunately, this is a huge reason why you shouldn't do business with family. Offer him half and then remove all of the tags and most of the pictures that he took from your social media. Don't give him free advertising.