'AITAH for telling my coworker what he owes me for lunch?'

"AITAH for telling my coworker what he owes me for lunch?"

Okay so here it goes. I know that there’s this super outdated etiquette rule that if you invite someone to lunch, you pay. But honestly, as a 30 year old I would never go to lunch with someone expecting them to pay unless it’s specifically stated that they are treating or it’s for my birthday or something.

Anyway, I have a group of coworkers that I work with and wanted to go to lunch since it’s the holidays. In the past there were a couple times I’ve asked them if they want me to pick something up and I can TREAT but I’ve explicitly stated that.

This time, since I wanted to pick up something a little higher quality, I did not offer to treat but offered to pick it up since I’m salary and they are hourly and can’t leave.

In the email I said “Mike and I are planning to go to lunch for the holidays at blah blah blah restaurant, let me know if you want to join and I can go get the food.”

Now in this group of coworkers, there’s this guy is who I don’t care for. I’m a 30 year old woman and this guy is almost 70, he’s loud, he butts into every conversation, and he gives creepy compliments.

I don’t think he knows any better but I have made it clear it makes me uncomfortable. I invited him anyways because he works with us too and I knew if I didn’t, I would hear about it.

Well I picked up the food which was about $100. The day came and went and this guy didn’t even offer or ask how much his food was. The others paid and one guy even paid in advance. Am I the asshole if I email him and just politely tell him what his food costs and what he owes me?

Edited for clarity: email said I will go get the food, not pick it up as in pay for it.

Let's see what readers thought:

afelagu writes:

I’m torn. My mom raised me to know the limits whenever I think someone else (especially not family) is paying for me. You can’t order anything expensive, if you do, you have to, at the very least, offer to pay for it.

So even if you did mean you’d pay for it, him thinking that it’s okay to ask someone else to pay for his $100 meal is crazy and opportunistic. That, there, would be him taking advantage of the situation. You should probably ask him to pay you back.

agratuy writes:

NTA! Your opinions for the guy aside, you didn't explicitly state that each person would have to pay for their own items. Others who are familiar with your practice understood it and paid but since you don't hangout with this guy, he may not have understood what you meant by "picking up".

Given his age, it is also highly possible that he isn't aware of such a practice or that he doesn't care and will make a stink about it if you ask him.

So next time make your terms clear when you order for this guy in the future.

miksapolik writes:

You're not the AH. You made it clear you were picking up the food, not treating everyone. If he didn't ask about the cost, that's on him. Just let him know what he owes you...