Coworker refuses to participate in 'Grandma Shower' for 'random baby' at office. AITA?

"AITA for refusing to participate in a 'grandma shower' at my office?"

Something about my workplace—remember the “party planning committee” in The Office? Well, we basically have that. The committee usually is responsible for buying everyone a cake & card on their birthday and we’ll have themed lunches every now and then—4th of July BBQ, International potluck for the Olympics, Cinco de Mayo tacos—you get the gist.

Now, an important element of this story is the fact that I’ve always loved baking & am quite good at it. So every time we have a themed lunch, I always bring a baked good that fits the theme. It’s gotten to the point where people are always trying to guess what I’ll bring and are always super excited to see what I’ll do next. Generally, I love it and have fun with it. Until now.

About a week ago, my coworker announced she’s expecting a granddaughter in the fall. An email went around and I sent congratulations. Fine. However, since then, the party planning committee has announced that we will be hosting a “grandma shower” for my coworker for lunch next week.

They’ve been circulating a sign up sheet for everyone to bring food as well as the baby registry and encouraging everyone to participate in a “diaper drive." Notably—I’ve never met my coworker’s daughter and thus seriously doubt I’d ever meet this baby girl.

So far, there have been about six emails about this “shower." I’ve been ignoring them all. Then, today, one of my coworkers came into my office and asked why I hadn’t signed up to bring dessert yet?

Now, here’s where I may be TA. I basically told her I wasn’t planning on baking something and didn’t think I was going to participate in the “shower”. When asked why, I just said that tbh, I don’t know coworker’s daughter and didn’t really feel like getting someone I don’t know a present for a baby I’ll never meet.

My coworker made a face and said she understood but that “grandma” coworker might be disappointed. On the one hand, I feel like maybe I’m TA and I could have just baked some brownies and called it a day to participate and not hurt anyone’s feelings. But on the other hand, I find it absolutely ridiculous to host a “grandma shower” and expect people to bring gifts for a random baby.

I feel like I am right in standing on principle on this but at the same time I know I have some bias here. For context, my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for years and we are currently undergoing IVF treatments so I know I’m a little sensitive about babies right now.

No one at work knows, so I know they’re not trying to be cruel. But at the same time, being confronted with babies left and right is also extremely draining for me. Idk—AITA for refusing to participate or should I just suck it up and participate with everyone else?

Later, OP edited the post to include more information:

As many people have guessed—yes this is the south and the party planning committee is all Southern white women in their 50/60s. I didn’t realize how glaringly obvious that was lol!

As far as “grandma” is concerned, I don’t necessarily think she pushed for the shower but she’s definitely going along with it. Not sure if that affects anyone’s opinion but I saw several people assume she’s a MIL from hell and I don’t necessarily think that is the case.

Also—mom-to-be apparently had a baby shower last weekend and another email has been sent out about an hour ago stating that they got so many infant sized diapers at their shower that they’re asking we buy diapers the next size up for the “granny shower."

I…don’t know what to even say to that. & yes, we got bad news IVF-wise last week and I realize I’m emotional and may not be super objective right now.

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

WebAcceptable7932 said:

NTA and a grandma shower is just ridiculous and not a thing. The mother to be will get a baby shower. Throwing an additional one and calling it a grandma shower is just tacky.

babyeventhelosers_ said:

You're NTA for not wanting to be involved in a forced office-initiated gift-grab for someone who's not even having the baby themselves. If folks are friends with their coworkers, then sure, get them some congratulatory card or trinket, but a grandma shower is too much.

It's not easy to stick to your principles on something, especially when someone will take it personally, but it doesn't mean you're wrong. You're not wrong. They're asking for too much.

bitchy_badger said:

NTA - I hate these forced office events. Not everyone gets these life events so some people just end up paying for years for no return. And plus who has money to celebrate all of this stuff. If you want to great, these should be 100% optional and no pressure to partake.

extremelight said:

NTA. I'm confused on why the grandma is getting the shower treatment. I'd understand simply celebrating becoming one but organizing a diaper drive and gifts for the grandbaby? That's a new one for me.

On the other hand, this may stupidly come back to bite you. If you can attend every other event but draw the line at this one, it'd just seem odd to them. Honestly, if I was in this situation, I'd just agree to bake something but explain I can't stay and attend for deeply personal reasons.

jelly_wishes said:

NTA lmao "grandma shower" isn't a thing. How many degrees of separation to the child is accepable now? Is "aunt shower" cool? Is "second cousin once removed shower" a new trend?

Recent_Nebula_9772 said:

NTA - These "showers" are out of hand. Drives me crazy when I get invited to a baby shower for a mother who just had a baby 2 years ago even. Just no. I simply RSVP I cannot make it. So I feel your pain. I would not participate in a Grandmothers shower either. The craziness needs to end.