'AITA for going off on my coworker after she tried to 'discipline' my kid at a work BBQ?'
'AITA for going off on my coworker after she tried to 'discipline' my kid at a work BBQ?'
I (31F) work in marketing at a mid-sized company. We had a casual BBQ at my boss’s house, and we were told it was fine to bring partners and kids. I brought my 5-year-old son. He’s super social, not perfect obviously, but generally well-behaved and respectful.
Enter Kelly (fake name), a coworker in her late 30s who has no kids, has said multiple times she “doesn’t like them,” and makes passive comments whenever someone brings a kid to the office (even for 10 mins to pick something up). She acts like the mere presence of a child gives her a migraine.
At the BBQ, my son was playing tag with some other kids in the yard. They were loud, sure, but it’s a BBQ, outside, with other kids. Normal stuff. Out of nowhere, I see Kelly grab my son by the arm and snap at him:
“You need to stop yelling. You’re not at a zoo.”
I swear to god I thought I misheard. My kid looked freaked out and came running to me.
I walked up to her and said along the lines of, “Don’t talk to my child like that. If you have an issue, you come to me. You don’t touch him, and you definitely don’t insult him.”
She rolled her eyes and said someone had to “set boundaries” since I “clearly wasn’t going to.” I lost it. I told her to stay away from my kid and that she had no business putting her hands on anyone else’s child.
People definitely heard, and it was awkward for sure. Now she’s been cold at work and another coworker said I “overreacted” and that Kelly was “just trying to help.” AITA for causing a scene?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
She touched your child… No, she’s the AH.
She’s cold at work? Cool, keep that energy forever. If she wants to sulk bc she got called out, let her. You did nothing wrong.
Yes sounds like best case scenario. Don’t. Touch. Any. Child. Who. Is. Not. Yours. Unless you are saving them from harm.
Print out your locality's laws on touching children without permission and leave it on her desk.
NTA. Kelly was dead wrong to do what she did. As you pointed out, it was outdoors at a BBQ with the kids playing.
NTA You didn’t overreact. She wasn’t trying to help. She did not have good intentions. She did it because she was annoyed. You should have pressed charges against her.
NTA. The moment she put hands on your child it was over. You reacted far better than I would have. I lose my mind when adults think that they can just grip up someone else's child.
Heaven forbid if someone does that to mine. Your coworkers should have zero to say about it, since none of it involves them. Just keep doing what you're doing. Keep standing up for your child when it's required.
I mean if the kid was shouting really loudly the whole entire time then yes, you really do need to step in & correct him OP. Kids should be allowed to be kids, but not to the point where they’re causing a disruption. That said, the co-worker was def wrong in how she handled this 💯 and I don’t think you overreacted.
She should have talked to you about it & let you handle it if she had a problem definitely. It’s just difficult to say if the kid was even doing anything wrong at all without knowing the extent of the noise he was making. If it’s just normal kids stuff kinda noise, then she’s full on off her rocker tho lol 😆
I agree with you. I’m a mom to a young kid, and even outdoors there are some limits/boundaries to how loud kids should be, especially at a social function. I work to help my child understand this and set reasonable boundaries for her. But in this case, it really sounds like it was just normal kid noise, nothing crazy.
Regardless of whether it was normal kid noise or over the line, the coworker was definitely in the wrong! She should never grab a child by the arm, and even if she wanted to say something, she could have spoken respectfully.
Like, “hey, can you guys please try to be a little quieter, the adults are trying to talk?” I don’t understand why people don’t just talk to kids like they are humans worthy of respect instead of barking at them like animals.
Oh ffs. Watch your goddamn kid. If he's running around screeching and being a nuisance, he should be stopped and corrected. If you're not doing your job, don't be pissed when someone else does it for you. Running around and screaming is not appropriate behavior, whether you're outside or not. Watch your kid. YTA for not watching your brat.
ESH. A screeching kid running around should be corrected by the parent but it's never okay to grab someone else's child unless you're pulling them back from the edge of a cliff or something.
Yes, she should have come to you before talking to your child, but she also shouldn't have to point out that your child is being disruptive. Maybe kids screaming is "normal stuff" to you, but that's not really appropriate in a backyard where adults are also socializing. Even more so if it's work-related.
I mean how loud was your kid? Yes it's a BBQ and spouses and kids were invited but it's still a work function. We are getting your pov of the situation , maybe your kid was loud af more than the others, with that said she shouldn't of touched him or scolded him, but ya'll are acting like she spanked the kid and cussed at him both of you are ah.