"AITA for crafting during meetings?"
So I work in a mainly office setting, and we have a lot of meetings, video conferences and online training which is primarily in video format. I've always needed something to do with my hands, thanks to ADHD and if I don't then I cannot focus on things that isn't reading properly (which is ironic bc I also have Dyselxia).
I've also been crocheting and knitting since I was little and it's something I do a lot while at home watching tv and movies bc it helps me focus. In college, I used to crochet and knit in lectures because it helped and no one seemed to have a problem with it - the lecturers actually encouraged it when I asked and said as long as it helped me focus I could do whatever I wanted.
So I decided I was going to take it into work with me to see of that would help me focus more in meetings and not get distracted during them (they're very long meeting, going up to 4 hours sometimes, and usually I mentally clock out within the first half hour).
(Side note: I had brought up in supervision that I had trouble focusing and my manager was actually the one that recommended I find something to do with my hands and okayed it). It worked, I was able to focus a lot better and be more involved in the meetings because I wasn't drifting away.
But recently a colleague came up to me and told me to stop. He said that it was rude and disrespectful towards everyone in the meeting and our service users whom the meetings are generally about. I tried to explain that it actually helped me in staying on track and remembering more of the information about our service users but he held his stance firmly.
And it's not like I'm not participating at all, I don't need to look down at my knitting or crochet because I've been doing it so long and I bring in pieces that are simple and mindless to do. I also will put it down to write/type up notes if I'm talking.
Anyway, my colleague said he was going to bring this to higher-ups if I continued, even though i had already cleared it with my manager before i started doing so, and its gotten me a bit worried so i need your opinions.
(I just want to preface that the meetings I take part in aren't massive company meetings, usually there are about 6 -15 of us and its generally group discussions. also where i work is quite relaxed and generally a casual setting (like, we wear smart casual as well) so its not super formal). So should I stop? Is what I'm doing disrespectful?
NOTE: To clear up about the service users - they are NOT in the meeting with us, it's only us as professionals in these meetings. We are discussing them and what we are going to do / our plans, but they are not present for them.
We work with their mental health and I'm a part of a Therapy team so I am well aware that it would be unprofessional to do so in the presence of service users. Additionally, the people within these meetings are generally people I see every day, so they're not all strangers.
ALSO, I keep the crafting on my lap and the projects are relatively small and in one color (like socks, hats, squares etc...not big projects like blankets and sweaters), I have a notebook or laptop on the table, so I'm not taking up a bunch of space on the table and it is generally quite hidden.
When in the in person meetings I crochet so there is no needles clacking as crochet only uses 1 hook, the knitting is done when I'm online as knitting is a bit more of a hassle than crochet it.
I am not medicated for my ADHD but that has a reason. I have trialed a lot. I get bad side effects from medication even in general such as extreme drowsiness and nausea (or some of them just don't even work for me) and these side affect mean I cannot work a full time job which I LOVE, so I'd rather be unmedicated and have to deal with it myself then be ill and not working.
I'm going to speak with my manager on Monday and ask if we can talk about it at the beginning of the next meeting to get input from everyone else. I just want to say quickly to people saying I should just focus and stop being unprofessional by fidgeting in any capacity...
ADHD and other disabilities do NOT work like that. I can't just focus, I can't just "grow up," that is NOT how it works. If you can come up with a way to miraculously make me focus without fidgeting, I'm all ears.
Here's what people had to say to OP:
No_Dot_4123 said:
NTA. My wife crafts all the time in places to help her focus. Church, work meetings, PTO meetings, bible study, etc. She's done it since college where she taught herself to knit as a way to stay awake while reading textbooks.
Nowadays it more often hand-pieced quilting pieces. I haven't heard anyone complain about it being disrespectful, but I've heard a lot of people ask what she's working on and being interested in her work.
Prestigious_Carry942 said:
As a knitter, I am with you. As a worker, I'd be very wary of doing this for fear of losing respect.
sun_and_stars8 said:
NTA, because it was cleared with your manager but you may want to take the extra step to get documented accommodations in place with HR. You also may want to report your colleagues interaction with you to your manager and HR.
Big-Second-8542 said:
NTA. Non-neuros will usually not get it. It’s like when I have to make hard eye contact. I can do it, but I can’t hear/process what you’re saying if I have to hold that eye contact. It takes up all of my mental capacity. For many, fiddling with something in your hands IS a distraction and a clear message that you’re not engaging in the conversation or meeting.
As a ADHD brained adult, I know exactly how counter intuitive it is, but if I can fidget or busy this other portion of my mind, then I can REALLY focus on the meeting. Hell, I’ll come out less tired too!
houseonpost said:
NTA: But your manager needs to clarify this with the people in the meeting. Otherwise why should you be able to do this and that same opportunity not be given to others attending the meetings. If I were sitting beside you during a meeting, you might be able to focus better, but to me it would be a distraction so I wouldn't be able to focus as well.
Disastrous-Wildcat said:
NTA. I don’t know how this guy functions in society if something quiet and repetitive is breaking his brain this hard. I mean, be sure that you’re using needles that don’t clack if you’re knitting (bamboo can be good for this).
But honestly this is functionally no different than anything else you could do with your hands in a meeting. Brains are diverse and we all use a variety of mechanisms to help us pay attention.