"AITA for 'crashing' my friends wedding?"

I'm part of a tight knit group of friends, there's 6 of us, who have mostly been together since school, with one joining later. Well last year one of the girls, let's say Janet, got engaged and we were all very excited. She had said she wanted all the girls to be bridesmaids with her sister as maid of honour. At the engagement party Janet was going to give the bridesmaids little gifts each to say thank you.

All the girls got one apart from me. I was a little upset but didnt say anything until about last december when one of the others mentioned about dress shopping. They had assumed I was invited but I hadn't heard anything about it.

When I asked Janet she simply said I wasnt going to be a bridesmaid so should I be invited, I respected her decision but asked if I could come along to the meal afterwards. Janet said yes and I met the girls at the restaurant.

While we were having food Janet kept on about how gorgeous her dress was and how beautiful all the other girls looked in their bridesmaids dresses ect. I thought nothing of it and assumed they were just excited about the dresses, of course I was a little envious but I didnt say anything. At the end of the meal I asked the girls what colour the dresses were again so didn't pick to wear a similar colour.

Janet went mad. "You are not wearing a dress to MY wedding!" When I asked why she said that, it was because I'll look "better than all of them". I didnt know what to say, I'm overwieght and have an awful complexion, I'm not what others would call beautiful by any means. Some of the girls later said she was still upset that I wore a pink dress to prom and how I "stole the show from her."

Anyway with everything going on the wedding was postponed until recently. I had completely forgotten about Janet's rant last year and wore a pastel blue knee length dress. When I arrived at the reception (the only part you're allowed guests) Janet freaked out. She threw a complete fit screaming and shouting that I was "ruining her big day."

I told her she needs to stop being so insecure especially about me, she's the one who got married after all. She then threw red wine on my dress and said "that's for crashing my wedding". The other girls tried to calm her down but she was insistent that I was only doing it to make her look bad. Two of the girls had a go at me for even showing up, "you knew how much this means to her."

I left in tears. I had a ruined dress and had lost my friends who all think I was insensitive and an asshole. Everyone has pretty much blocked me on everything. I honestly don't know what I did wrong or what was so bad that everyone's turned on me. AITA?

Edit: yes I was invited to the reception. With the new rules in place only 30 guests are allowed at the venue and all must have an official invitation provided by said venue.

Big. Yikes.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Jaded_Cryptographer said:

WTF? NTA. Your "friend" has some serious issues, and the others in your friend group are enabling her. Find new friends. They're all nuts.

[deleted] said:

You didn’t belong there. That wasn’t a wedding, that was an assembly of assholes and you are NTA.

jamesko1989 said:

? There is so much more to this story we are not being told.

And byebeetch0302 said:

Exactly what I was thinking! A lot seems very strange. An entire group of friends disowned this person because she wore a dress to a wedding? I cant imagine thats the whole story. Plus why would they continue to be friends with the bride when they have treated them like utter sh!t the whole time?

Amortentia_Number9 asked:

INFO: What was your relationship like with this woman outside of this? I’m kind of getting mixed messages of either you two were completely fine or you two have been fighting since at least prom. Are you frenemies? Did you not know this woman had an issue with you until she got engaged? Do you have any issues with her?

I’m not sure we can properly judge without knowing what was going on before. If everything was completely fine before she got engaged then yeah it’s not you, it’s her. And the invitation/crashing thing, I’d be so confused if I were you. And unless your pastel blue dress was so light it was basically white or was some sort of reminder of a past issue, there’s basically no excuse for the wine.

And OP responded:

As far as I was concerned she had the same relationship with me as all the other girls in our group. We all seemed pretty chill with each other until the wedding. I always kinda felt left out but assumed it was just in my head. I didnt even know she was upset about prom until the girls mentioned it. And my dress is more dusty blue than white/blue. It's just a simple knee length dress with a chiffon skirt.

She later shared this first update:

since I feel like this needs to be said. My social cues are abysmal. I'm autistic and have always found it difficult. I am a Cis-Female, I know some of you were wondering, it's just that I dont wear dresses very often and when I do people notice the difference. And the bridesmaids dresses were going to be pink but they chose lavender instead.

On a side note. I have asked to speak to Janet's sister who thinks she's knows what Janets problem with me is. I genuinely dont have a clue. And for those of you wondering. Connie/Tammy is a separate person to Janet but Janet was the one who told Connie/Tammy about my cousins wedding, which I'm now thinking might have been on purpose.

Update #2:

I have spoken to Janet's sister and I'm gonna be honest it's nothing special. She said that Janet has never really liked me (why she didn't want to come to my cousins wedding and was the one who told connie she was invited to it) and the only reason her and the others were nice to me was because they felt sorry for me because I'm autistic and found it difficult to make friends.

If my mum hadn't died they would have ditched me a long time ago, they were just looking for a reason to do it now. They though by excluding me from the bridesmaids stuff that I would just kick up a fuss but I was "too nice" about it. She did in fact invite me to the wedding out of politeness and pressure from her mother and sister.

Janet's sister is very upset about it all and is on my side. Shes going to pay for my dress as shes feels it was partly her fault and she knows that Janet won't. I Have a few good friends left and that's all I need. Thank you to everyone who has commented. And especially to those who have made me laugh.