"AITA for pretending I didn't know my ex?"
I (29F) was in a secret relationship with Shane (27M) for 2 years. The relationship was a normal relationship except nobody knew about it. Because I'm a bigger girl and I've never been in a relationship, I didn't push the issue. After 2 years of Shane living with me, I came home to all of his belongings gone.
I tried to call him but he blocked my phone number and blocked me on Snapchat. He completely ghosted me. I find out through a mutual friend that he was in a public relationship with a woman named Jess. It hurt but I couldn't change anything so I just accepted it.
3 weeks ago (a year after he ghosted me) I heard he was supposed to marry Jess, but he caught her cheating. I also heard that his grandfather passed away last month.
Last night I ran into him at the grocery store. He walked up to me and said "Hey, how have you been?" I looked at him funny and said "I'm sorry, do I know you?" He was stunned. After a second I walked past him and continued on my way.
I told a mutual friend who said that I was cruel and mean for doing that when he's going through a rough time. That friend doesn't know about the secret relationship. Am I the ahole?
Later, OP edited the post to include:
The friends in my friend group know that me and Shane no longer speak and that we dislike each other. I haven't told them the truth because they wouldn't believe me. Shane is very attractive and I'm fat.
Also I'm pretty embarrassed about falling for it and being so desperate for affection that I just accepted how I was treated. I feel kind of bad because in my anger I forgot what he was going through. He was very close to his grandpa.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
mynamecouldbesam said:
100% NTA. Your ex was a d. Sucks he's suffering now, but he should probably seek comfort from those he didn't screw over and treat like trash. You owe him nothing.
Ironyismylife28 said:
haha that is karma. NTA, and what a wonderful way to point out what an a$^ he is, all while avoiding unnecessary confrontation. Brava!
Ok_Star_5584 said:
NTA. Fantastic response by you. He left without an explanation. Perfectly reasonable for you to write him off as someone you never knew.
WinterFront1431 said:
Your cruel? The dude left you after using you. The guy is getting a nice dose of karma. Good for you, girl.
Texas_sucks15 said:
NTA. and screw your friend for that bad take. The guy screwed you over, left you high and dry and now pretending like nothing happened. That guy deserves the worst.
Arianathedoll said:
It’s okay to need space. Their apology is sincere, but this was a deeply painful experience for you. Only you can decide when, or if, you’re ready to forgive.
Tomte-corn4093 said:
NTA. You are a queen! Love how you handled it BTW.
Later OP came back with these udpates:
Update 1: He sent me a friend request on Facebook. I blocked him.
Update 2: Thank you all for all the comments and support. Shane contacted my older sister asking about me (My sister is the only person who knew about our secret relationship she took me to the hospital when I had a miscarriage and I had to come clean on how I got pregnant).
My sister let him have it. She called him every nasty name she could think of. I love her for that. She wants me to get a restraining order but even though he's 6 foot 4, I can take him if he tries anything.
Shane has tried to reach out to my via text, Snapchat and Instagram. I blocked him on everything. One of our friends sent me a text conversation between him and Shane where Shane said "I wish I had never moved out of that whales apartment. It was much better than living with my f**^&%g Dad again." So I'm guessing he needs a place to stay. Not my problem. I'm thankful for my friend defending me though.
I start therapy on Monday. I didn't realize how bad off I was until I was asked to name a positive quality about myself and I couldn't. I feel like constantly getting nasty messages on dating sites have broken me. I'm hoping the therapist can help.
I'm not sure why everyone is concerned about my one meal a week diet, especially since it's working, but I go to the doctor Tuesday. I'm not planning on ever dating again but I appreciate all the advice. I refuse to put myself through this sort of pain. I'll update if anything else happens. Thank you all so much. ❤️
Update 3: Shane asked a friend for my new address. I told him to give him the address for Sea World. Hopefully he gets the hint.