'AITA for wanting to cut off my family after they went to my fiancee’s workplace to 'expose' her?'

"Am I overreacting for wanting to cut off my family after they went to my fiancé’s workplace to 'expose' her?"

I (24M) have been with my fiancé (25F) for six years, and we’re planning to get married in the spring. My fiancé and my family have always had a strained relationship, but I thought things were improving—until this week.

My sister (26F) and her boyfriend (25M) only visit once or twice a year, so I was excited to see them over the holidays. One evening, my fiancé and I went to my parents’ house for dinner and games. She had a couple of drinks (I stayed sober to drive) and was a little emotional because we’d recently had to put down her childhood pet.

My family was supportive when she shared about it, and the evening seemed to go well. At one point, she got an email from work, and the conversation briefly turned to what she does for a living (she works in an office). The night ended fine, and we planned to return the next day.

The next morning, as we were heading back to my parents’ house, I got a text from my sister saying they were in my city, (which is over an hour away) Confused, I replied, “WTF? Why would you guys do that?” but got no response. When we got to my parents’ house, I tried calling them—no answer. Finally, I called my sister’s boyfriend, and he answered.

That’s when I learned they had gone to my fiancé’s workplace, questioned her coworkers, and “discovered” that she doesn’t work there (she works in the office, not on the floor). He (and my family) accused her of lying about her work, why she left her last job, and about her getting hit by a car and told me I shouldn’t marry her. They also wanted me to provide evidence.

To make it worse, I had him on speakerphone, so my fiancé heard everything. I was furious but tried to stay calm. I defended her, hung up, and decided we needed to leave. I went back to my parents’ house, grabbed our things, and left.

Now, we’re at home trying to process everything. I’m beyond upset that my family disrespected my fianceé and crossed such a huge boundary by going to her workplace and harassing her coworkers. I’m thinking about cutting contact with them, but I keep wondering if I’m overreacting. Is this something I should try to do?

What do you think? Is he overreacting? This is what top commenters had to say:

brightbubbleglimmer said:

Going to your fiancé’s workplace to “investigate” her, questioning her coworkers, and accusing her of lying is such a massive breach of boundaries, it’s honestly shocking. Your fiancé didn’t deserve any of this, and you’re absolutely right to feel furious and protective of her.

virtualchoirboy said:

Not overreacting. If it were me, my wedding invite list would get a whole lot shorter instantly. Not only was that a massive breach of privacy, but it shows a complete lack of trust in BOTH of you. Their actions indicate that they don't trust YOU to protect yourself as an adult. That they feel they know more about how you should live your life than they do.

Time to go completely no contact with your sister, her boyfriend, and any family that has joined in on this bullying behavior. Keep in mind that as soon as you do this, they will likely spread their made up version of events to extended family so you might want to call any of them that you're on good terms with and get your version out there.

I would also suggest that your fiancée contact her coworkers to get clarification from them about what your family did. She might also inquire about how to prevent your sister and her boyfriend from harassing people in the building in the future.

And finally, I would consider getting in touch with a lawyer to discuss what your legal options are because I doubt this mistreatment will stop when you go no contact. I've seen it far too many times on Reddit where family like this starts ramping it up before they even begin to think of how terrible they're being.

Otherwise-Survey2794 said:

Shit is weird all around. Probably not a great support system there, hey

OP responded:

Her family is amazing, it sucks mine turned out like this

umamifiend said:

Im sorry- but some details here are confusing. Sister/boyfriend had time to go investigate in your town one morning while you were visiting your parents for the holidays? Was the office not closed?

How did they get the information about what specific office building she worked in? Were they staying at your parents house? So they what- just left to go investigate first thing in the morning? Seems super weird. Where did they tell your parents they were going?

If any of this is true- you need to uninvited sis and boyfriend from the wedding for sure. And if your parents knew where they were going to be going and what they were planning on doing- they also need uninvited.

OP responded:

Here is some clarification: her work has 2 separate locations - one office, where she works, and one retail, where my family harassed people. My fiance told them the company name and they just assumed they only had the retail location, and it wasn't just my sis and her bf it was also my parents

Queen_Goddess5297 said:

Info: Is your family really this silly? I am almost positive that jobs can’t just tell randoms that someone works there. What if the random is a stalker? This is so weird. Why did they even do this? Is there missing context that explains driving an hour to do an employment check when it quite literally is NONE of their business NOR

OP responded:

They are just this silly sadly, they have been like this every time I've dated someone, they just took it way way way too far this time