'WIBTA if I cut off my niece and take back her bday gifts after she went through my phone?' UPDATED

"WIBTA if I go low contact with my niece and take back her gifts?"

So yesterday I went over to my sister's house to help her with some things. I was there for a couple of hours and took a little nap for, like, four hours because I was tired. After I woke up, I went home and my husband was being a little off and seemed kind of upset/unhappy.

I'm like, what's up and he says, I'm being nice for someone who just texted what I did. I sent my kids upstairs and started asking what the hell was going on. He says I sent him divorce texts. I'm shocked because I never did that, which I let him know. I even showed him my phone, which did not show any such texts. He then shows me his messages under my name, and apparently I want a divorce.

I was bamboozled because not only did I not think it, but I definitely did not text that. This affected him a little more because we had a fight the previous night, but we have a tradition of sorts, which is reassuring each other that we still love and care but are just upset at the moment.

I'm only adding this because I said something along those lines in the morning before I left, which I brought up when I was defending myself against the text I supposedly sent. He then says I had done something similar previously. This is in reference to when I was pregnant and had some pseudo bipolar symptoms, which have since been mostly resolved. I've only done this once, and it wasn't even on the same level;

I just kind of used to have terrible mood swings. Also, this was only during the pregnancy; I have no bipolar diagnosis or anything like that. That whole journey was kind of traumatic and is not a pleasant memory for me, which he is aware of.

Anyway, after we bicker for a little bit, I decide to call my sister and explain what was happening, and then I'm like, hey, can you pull up your house footage from while I was there this morning?" We're on FaceTime, and we fast forward to when I went to sleep. The outlet in the room I was in wasn't working, so I had plugged my phone in the dining area to charge while I slept.

We see my 16-year-old niece on my phone; she was on it off and on for like 2.5 hours, smiling and giggling. I'm upset, and her mom is upset. She calls her and asks if she touched my phone while I was there, and she lies and says no. She asks her again two more times if she touched my phone, and she says she didn't.

The laptop is faced away from her, and I believe she didn't realize I was on the phone or that we both already saw what she did. It was after my sister started trying to send me the footage, which I had initially asked for, that she saw that her mom had already seen what happened.

She started apologizing and saying it was supposed to be a prank and she didn't mean anything by it. She called out to me too with apologies while she was crying. My sister is one of those silent when angry types, so she wasn't saying anything. I did not even know what to say at all at this time because why would she even think this was a fun prank, not to mention going into my phone without my permission.

How she knows my password, I'm not sure because it's not simple or related to me. I had initially promised I would sponsor her 17th birthday, which is next month. She had previously also asked for a new PC, which I got, but it's supposed to be a surprise. I also happen to be her godmother.

My question is, will I be overreacting if I take all these gifts back and keep a distance from her? Is it overkill? I feel maybe I'm punishing her for the way my husband reacted and brought up something traumatic for me.

Also maybe his response is justified because he thought the texts were from me, and then I was all smiley and sweet when I came back. I'm confused on how to proceed, but this website has previously helped figure stuff out before, so I decided to turn to them again. Sorry if this was too lengthy, and let me know if there's anything I have to clarify. Thanks.

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Short-Classroom2559 said:

She's old enough to know that shit wasn't funny. I'd ask for community service in lieu of grounding/punishment and I'd return all the gifts. What a shit thing to do. She's only crying now because she got caught. NTA.

NextAffect8373 said:

I wouldn't spend one dime on her. She needs to learn actions have consequences. NTA.

pixyfire said:

NTA. Take back the computer and get your money back and don't give her any money. She's 16. She knew it wasn't funny and she carried on for 2 and 1/2 hours telling YOUR husband you wanted a divorce. Don't give her anything.

jam7789 said:

NTA. Pretending to be you and telling your husband you wants a divorce is not a funny prank. She needs some consequences.

Fun-Yellow-6576 said:

YWNBTA. Return the gifts, cancel your support of the party. Change all your passwords on all your devices.

Susanrkatsaid:

She’s a very immature 16 year old that needs to learn about repercussions. So no, don’t fund the party and do return the laptop. She shown just how little she respects your privacy and your life. It may have been a harmless joke to her but it was truly hurtful.

I wonder how many other people she’s done this sort of thing to? If you are the first nip it in the bud. If you’re not then some real discussions need to take place.

Sea-Refrigerator9188 said:

It honestly sounds like your niece is jealous of the fact that you now have a husband and child of your own. Sounds like her so-called prank was a way to try and maybe get you back full time in her life. She's definitely old enough to understand that this was not an okay thing to do and it wasn't a prank.

She was deliberately trying to blow up your life because she was hoping that you loved her more than your husband and child. She probably didn't see anything wrong with taking your money or doing this because you were always there for her and she felt entitled to your time and money. I would do the exact same thing you are doing pull back and cut contact.

And OP responded:

I'm not sure this is the case because she is the same age as my first set of twins; they grew up together. I've always given her attention. She was basically part of my children early in her childhood; she was always at my house and shared stuff with my kids. Why be jealous now? I should add this to the list of questions I'll ask her when I stand seeing her without being upset. Thank you.

She later shared this update:

Thank you, everyone, for all the comments and advice. It is incredibly appreciated. All these happened yesterday; I only posted because I was slightly conflicted. To answer common questions in the comments: Yes, I slept for four hours at my sister’s house; she’s my sister, and we do stuff like that. I didn’t say I was tired from what I helped her with; I was simply just tired.

Both my sister and niece weren’t aware of my husband’s and my fight from the previous night. Niece also was not aware of the full extent of my mental health struggles from the pregnancy. Niece wasn’t texting for 2.5 hours straight; she was on and off the phone. I assume she got off it when she thought she would be caught.

Apparently, she has known my password for a while now; she learned it from looking over my shoulder at a family event from a couple of months back. Also, according to my sister, she has gone into my phone before, at least three times that she fessed up to.

She has transferred money to herself, taken videos and pictures off it, gone through my texts with my kids and some other relatives, stolen other people’s numbers, gotten passwords for my streaming services that they didn’t own, and gone through my other texts with my husband. And yes, there’s very nsfw stuff in there.

My husband is okay. We talked, and he apologized for how he spoke to me, but I told him I totally understood why he would say what he said. I also apologized for my reaction. We are okay on our front and decided we were both justified given what we both individually knew.

Back to the niece, the only other thing she did according to her, was transfer more money. I checked my recently deleted texts, and there was nothing suspicious there, but I don’t know if you can delete texts from recently deleted.

She also said she thought the prank would be funny because there was no way my husband would believe all that stuff she texted because, according to her, he loves me too much and we have a perfect relationship. In the texts, he had only replied that we would talk when I got home and that he wasn’t going to have that conversation with me over texts.

This girl went all the way to add that ‘I’ would send the papers in a couple of days and talk about the kids with lawyers. I can’t explain how absolutely pissed I am. The plan is to go absolutely no contact with her after learning of all the other stuff she did. There will be no birthday and no PC. Someone said to put up a post saying if anyone got a questionable text from me in the last 24 hours to let me know.

I did that; no one had reached out yet, so I’m hoping it was just my husband. I’m getting my money back; I checked, and in total she has sent over $700 to herself that I wasn’t aware of. She did not send it in bulk, just little bits here and there. I guess I did not catch on because I do send her money often, and I do have quite a bit in my account, so it wasn’t obvious.

Her mother will send the money to me from her daughter's savings later this weekend. I told her mother about the suggestions you guys gave on community service and therapy. I’m lowkey scared for her future relationships and college life. She would not have any electronic devices for the rest of the summer.

Personally, I do not want to lay eyes on her in the near future. Oh, and yes, she has done this before to one of her friends whom she is still friends with. I don’t know why anyone would remain friends with someone like that. This hurt a lot because I love this child so much; I was more present than her father the first 11 years of her life. She used to come to me for her struggles and problems and all that teenage stuff.

She had her first period at my house. Her other cousins on her dad’s side are jealous of our relationship, for goodness sake. She was my favorite one. I don’t really care what her mom does about all these; I just want my money back and to never speak to her for now. In the future, I might be open to some contact.

I blocked her number, so she sent me a long email which I haven’t read yet, and her mom also brought a handwritten apology letter from her to my husband. My sister is aware of my decisions and has apologized for her daughter's behavior. My mom is also aware of the situation now. I have no doubt it is about to become an extended family problem. Anyway, that’s that for now.

I will update if anything else comes from this. Again, thanks to everyone that contributed with comments and DMs.