'AITA because I cut off my sister after she made a mean joke about my miscarriage?' UPDATE
"AITA because I cut off my sister after she made a mean joke about my miscarriage?"
Hello everyone. Three months ago, I (30F) had a miscarriage, and it’s been a really tough time for me and of course for my husband. I’m still processing everything, and I’m very sensitive about the topic. Last week, at family dinner, my sister (22F) made a completely inappropriate joke about it.
The joke was something like, "When I get pregnant next time maybe I’ll have a miscarriage too. Who knows, maybe that will break your spell" It was so offensive and hurtful that I didn’t know how to react in the moment.
I was shocked, and honestly, I just sat there frozen. It was a joke at my expense, about something that has been incredibly painful for me and SHE KNEW IT. So thinking about it still makes me angry at her.
After dinner, I couldn’t calm down and instead of confronting her directly, I just cut off all communication with her. I ignored her calls and didn’t respond to any of her messages. A few days later, she texted me, saying something like "I think you're being too sensitive, it was just a joke don’t take it so seriously" but I didn’t reply.
My husband is completely on my side, and he said "Making a joke about something this sensitive is disrespectful and cruel for both of us. I don’t want you to talk to her right now, I don’t want you to go through any more emotional stress" I still didn't talk to her.
My family, on the other hand, has a different perspective. They do acknowledge that the joke was out of line, but some of them are saying things like "don’t make such a big deal out of it, it's a family issue just let it go she is younger than you and you know her" etc.
My mom keeps saying, "everyone makes mistakes, you know she didn’t mean to hurt you" And part of me wonders if I’m overreacting, but the other part of me is still so hurt by what she said, and I feel like I just can’t get past it.
So, now I’m feeling really conflicted. Was cutting off communication the right thing to do? Am I overreacting or was it justified?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
You’re good. It was an extremely tasteless joke and you are not wrong in going NC. I would add in LC with your mom for trying to minimize the impact of the “joke” and your sister’s behavior.
"she is younger than you." She's 22 not 5. She knew what she was saying. I'd go NC with her and anyone who is making excuses for her. NTA
Yep, this is the go to response(s) meaning "it's easier for us if you don't rock the boat"
It entirely fails as a joke. Even cruel jokes have to have something funny or witty to them. Just being cruel isn't enough. Sister obviously wants to be the centre of attention and OP getting sympathy and attention for having a miscarriage makes her jealous and needy. She is pathetic.
Seeing as she not only didn't apologize, but doubled down on the "joke" NTA.
The next day OP came back with this update:
Hi again. I'm really sorry that I wasn't able to reply to your comments, but I'm so thankful for all your good wishes and condolences! Yesterday and today was busy for me.
My husband and me had a small chat about it again; and today my mom called as she does daily, and said she'll talk with my sister about her inappropriate joke. However, I also had a small argument with her even though she made my sister apologize.
As you can predict, I'm still going at least low contact with her. I'm going over my lost baby and got used to the situation, but still I'm also broken and angry at the same time still. This post was mainly made to thank you again though, wish you a good day!