'My dad wanted to disown me over money. AITA for not inviting him to my wedding?'
"AITA for considering cutting my dad out of my life and not inviting him to the wedding because he wanted to disown me as his daughter over money?"
So this is a long story, so buckle up. About three years ago, I (21F at the time) was in a tight situation with money. I was going through a divorce with my ex and was pregnant with my current partner.
I needed money for my car payment since my ex didn’t help me pay it, even though both our names were on it. I was only working at a daycare and couldn’t afford to lose my car. Out of desperation, I got a loan from a sketchy company, but at that point, I was so stressed that I didn’t care.
My dad (45M at the time)—technically my stepdad, which will be important later—told me it was stupid and that I’d end up paying more in the long run. He offered to pay off the loan himself under the agreement that I’d pay him back monthly.
He called it the “Bank of Dad.” I told him it wasn’t necessary but appreciated the offer. He insisted and sent the money anyway, telling me not to bother sending it back.
I accepted it and tried to pay him off as best as I could, managing about six months of payments before I had to stop due to giving birth and bills piling up. I let my dad know I’d be late on payments, and he said he understood.
Fast forward a few months: my dad invited me, my partner, and our baby (then three months old) to dinner. My three younger sisters and his partner were there too. Things started out well, but then he began making jokes and little insults toward me.
He has no filter—he says whatever’s on his mind, no matter who it hurts. He joked about how I left home at 18, married an abusive man, that he “should have objected,” and how I got pregnant without a plan.
Then, in front of everyone, he brought up the money I owed him. I told him I knew I was behind and that I was trying my best, but right now my family came first and I had to focus on surviving. The conversation stopped after that, and we finished dinner. I left thinking it went okay.
But over the next two years, my dad stopped talking to me completely. He never reached out, never visited, and ignored my messages. I still texted him, posted Father’s Day and birthday posts for him—never got a reply. He sent a birthday gift for my son but didn’t show up for his first birthday even though he was invited.
Now, my fiancé and I are planning our wedding. While going through Facebook for guest list ideas, I saw that my dad made a National Daughters Day post—but it only included my three younger sisters. Seeing that broke me.
Being his stepdaughter has always made me worry about whether he truly saw me as his own. He always said nothing would change how he felt, that I was his daughter no matter what, but after two years of silence and now this, I felt deeply hurt.
I called my mom, and she told me that apparently my dad has been telling people that I hurt him two years ago when I said he’d always be “last” in my mind. He claims he stopped talking to me for his own sanity.
I texted him, telling him that wasn’t what I meant—that I was struggling as a new mom, dealing with postpartum, bills, and stress. I reminded him that he knew about all that. I told him I understood my part in owing him money but that being pushed away and feeling disowned over money was incredibly painful.
To show I was serious, I even sent him a large payment—over half of what I owed. He read my message and didn’t reply for eight hours. When he did, he said he wasn’t disowning me, he just didn’t have an updated photo of me for that post (which isn’t true; I post pictures all the time).
He said what I said two years ago hurt him and that he needed space for his own mental health. He also said I shouldn’t have sent the money and that we could have renegotiated a payment plan. He refused to take the money but also hasn’t canceled the transfer.
At this point, I don’t even think it’s about money. If that was really the issue, he could’ve talked to me, not disappeared from my life. It’s been over a week, and he still won’t talk to me.
I’ve talked to family because I’m extremely hurt and honestly considering not inviting him to the wedding. My fiancé thinks I absolutely shouldn’t invite him at this point—he says what my dad did was not okay and has seen how my dad treats me through the years we been together and its not ok.
My fiancé thinks this is the straw that breaks the camels back. My mom says she understands why I feel that way and that he’s in the wrong, but warns that not inviting him could cause family issues, especially with my sisters. So, AITA for considering not inviting my dad to my wedding because he wanted to disown me as a daughter over money?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
YTA. You took his generosity for granted and then didn't bother to pay him back for the next two years.
NTA. Miss the middleman (Mom) and directly ask your sisters if they have a problem. At least then your not being manipulated to invite your step-dad when maybe they are OK with you not inviting him.
NTA. Your wedding is not an appropriate venue for reconciliation. Unless he puts in the work to repair the relationship and make amends before the wedding, he doesn't get to come.
Honestly, you’re not the AH here. Your dad treating you like that over money, especially when he offered to help, and then ghosting you for YEARS? That’s rough. Weddings are about surrounding yourself with people who support and uplift you, not people who make you feel less than.
If he can’t be there in a healthy way, you’re completely justified in protecting your mental health and choosing not to invite him. Your fiancé is right—this sounds like a pattern, not a one-time thing. Family drama sucks and it’s tough, but your happiness matters most. You deserve peace on your wedding day.
NTA. This is the perfect time to drop the hammer. If anything, you were a fool to yourself for paying him back when he explicitly said he you didn't have to.