'AITA for cutting off contact with my sister after she tried to sabotage my wedding?'
"AITA for cutting off contact with my sister after she tried to sabotage my wedding?"
This basically all started when my sister Ashley was diagnosed with severe autism and ADHD at around the age of 2. It was normal, just a lot of temper tantrums, but at the age of 5, she finally learned that she can do anything she wants without a consequences.
Whenever I had something she didn’t have, my parents would always either get her the same thing or I had to give her it, I always tried to argue back, but my parents always said I was being unfair, and to be nice to my sister because of her condition. In some occasions she would even run into my room and brag about if mom was taking her to the store or got a new toy that I didn’t have.
I was pretty fed up with this, I decided to save up allowance money on a lock for my door so I could get some privacy. After my sister tried one of her attempts to barge into my room realizing she couldn’t open it, she started to complain to my parents about it.
I tried explaining to my parents how she can’t keep barging into my room. My parents argued back saying, how I’m being selfish and how I should just let her do it because of her condition. I couldn’t win against them and I had to remove the lock.
Fast forward a few months, I just turned 9, I wanted to go to a local arcade with all my friends, but of course, my sister was complaining about how she couldn’t choose where my party was.
But thankfully my parents didn’t let her choose. When we get to the arcade, it was all fine, until we went back into the party room, I was horrified, apparently my parents left my sister in the room for a few minutes to go get me and my friends, and when we came back, the cake was all over floor, most of the presents were torn open or destroyed.
I was trying to hold back my tears, while my sister had a big grin on her face, my dad had to bring her home. However, like all things she did, she got away with it. My mom was telling me, “she can’t help it, it wasn’t her fault, the only thing you can do right now is to deal with it.” I broke down into tears after hearing what she said, and stormed out of the room.
Fast forward a few weeks, I have barely been talking to my parents, ever chance I got, I would avoid them. Thankfully my parents let me install the lock back on my door after Ashley went into my room while I was changing. Ever since Ashley got into 1st grade, she has constantly been asking for help with her homework, and by help, I mean playing games while I have to do it.
My parents are always busy during work so they force me to help her. One day, Ashley’s teacher decided to assign her class a project. The project was to make your favorite fast food restaurant from cereal boxes. She decided not to do anything until the last day before it was due.
Like usual, I had to help her again, I was panicking because it was like 9:00 and my bedtime was 10:00. I was asking her what her favorite fast food place was. She didn’t respond until 30 minutes went by and she said you choose. I was about to scream, I chose the easiest one to make which was McDonald’s.
50 minutes go by, I finished the project, but what she did made me almost want to kill her, she decided to throw it across the room and stomp on it. My parents went to check to see all the noise and my sister is on the floor pretending to cry saying how I broke it and how I want her to fail.
I was shocked, my parents sided with her again, even before I got to argue back, I was grounded for weeks, I felt like I wanted to kill myself, however I couldn’t do it.
Fast forward until I was 17, my sister just turned 14, and she decided to bring her friend home, I thought nothing of it, she had friends over all the time, but this time was different, I went to the bathroom for like 5 minutes, when I got out, my room was trashed, bed sheets all over the place, pillows in every corner, lamp knocked over, they even threw my computer on the floor.
(If you were wondering, yes I still had the lock, but they pick locked it), apparently her friend was good at pick locking locks. My parents were on vacation when I called them to tell them about it, they just told me I was lying and to stop trying to get my sister in trouble all the time. I decided I needed to move far away, I spent all Junior and Senior year working hard to get a good scholarship.
Fast forward a year later, I had my graduation my parents and grandparents were all there except for my sister, my parents came up with the excuse of how she was sick and she couldn’t go, but they used that excuse so many times that I couldn’t even care anymore.
Graduation was really fun me and my friends hosted an after party at my house, my sister was no where in sight, my parents said she was “sick”, but she wasn’t even at home, or so I thought...
...probably an hour later we went to my room to hang out, only to see my sister with her friends eating all over my bed, I saw crushed up chips all over the floor, I had enough, when my parent saw this, they were furious, grounded my sister for a full month, and her friends were never allowed over, I was glad, but more glad to get away from here.
Fast forward a few months, I said my goodbyes to my parents and I headed to a college out of the country. My sister was crying when I left, mainly because I couldn’t do her school work for her anymore.
She had to repeat 10th grade again after she failed her finals after being caught cheating on her phone. My parents were furious about this, I don’t know if she got punished or not from this, since it wasn’t spoken about much.
Fast forward a few weeks, college was great so far, me and this girl, Mikayla share a dorm, we became really great friends, we hung out, and ate dinner together almost every night.
I had majored as an IT Specialist, going to class everyday, I sit next to my future Husband Steven, it was almost love at first sight, I was a bit nervous to ask him out on the first day, but on the second day, I had the courage to ask him out, he said he would love to, and he thought I was pretty cute.
Happiness filled my eyes and I hugged him without thinking, I thought I made a big mistake, but by my surprise, he was fine with it. Fast forward 3 years later, me and Steven finally graduated from college and got job offers at an office, after a while of us saving money, we bought a lovely 2 bed 1 bath house about 15 minutes from our office.
It had been a while since I checked up on my parents, I started a FaceTime call with them, we both have been telling each other what has been going on in our lives, she started to mention how Ashley just graduated from high school and how she would love for you to come visit again.
We didn’t mind taking a vacation. After we got off the plane, I saw my parents waiting for me, but not Ashley. Apparently Ashley still lives with them, and doesn’t have any plans on going to college. My parents were fine with it and supported her decision.
We all decided to go out for dinner the same night it was going good until Ashley started to flirt with Steven, which made him a bit uncomfortable, I don’t really remember what he said, but I think he said no thanks or I’m not interested.
Ashley was a bit embarrassed, but she had another idea, she decided to scoot her chair closer to him, which prompted him to push her away, making him a bit pissed off, she then decided to lean on him saying how she is so much better than I, and how she is prettier. This got him pissed off so much that he just left the restaurant.
Fast forward 8 years, me and Steven are about to have our wedding, we had low contact with my parents and sister, but we still invited them, I thought my sister would have grown up by now. We had our wedding at this nice hotel.
On the wedding day, everything was looking beautiful, everyone was there except my sister, my parents said “she was running late," that was until she came in the door with a full on wedding dress, I was shocked, to see her do that, when I called her out on it, she just said how she should just be able to wear it, and how it cost her so much.
I went off on her, I told her that I had sent out a dress code multiple times, and how if you would have read the texts I sent, this wouldn’t have happened. She started to cry and my parents started to defend her saying, how she could just take the dress off and it will be fine, I thought it would be ok.
Fast forward to where I was walking down the carpet, Ashley was sitting with her arms crossed, I didn’t mind it, as me and Steven said our “I do’s”, my sister jumped up and said, “BOO, WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET THE CAKE!”, everyone in the room was staring at her.
My parents who were sitting next to her looked really embarrassed. My parents tried to get her out of the room, when she ran out of their arms and went right for the cake. The cake was all over the ground, and I see her just eating it. Security had to escort her out, I was holding back my tears, as she just ruined my whole wedding in front of me.
After the wedding, I decided to block Ashley from every site, and I decided to post about how she ruined my wedding. I’m starting to feel guilty, was blocking her the right thing to do?
Edit: It’s been about an hour since I posted this, I have seen some of your comments, me and Steven decided to redo the wedding. We would have the wedding to July 1st. I’m thankful for all the support, and I’ll keep you guys updated!
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
AtomicBlastCandy said:
NTA. I would send your parents a bill for the cake and quite a bit more. I would also post publicly about everything your sister did and how your parents kept egging her on to do it.
Saniya1828 said:
NTA. Op you did the right thing by blocking her. No need to feel bad. You are better without her anyways. I think you should go no contact with her for the future . It's better for you and your husband and your future kids.
firebirdinflames said:
NTA. Allowing a child to persistently make your life a misery makes your parents huge AHs though. Block them all and never look back.
Kittytigris said:
NTA, I don’t even understand why you invited your sister to the wedding. I wouldn’t tell the parents or her about the wedding until it was over. I’m sorry but your sister is an absolute brat and your parents enabled her and spoiled her badly. Forget low contact, I’d go no contact at all.
Send them a bill of the cake their daughter destroyed and definitely send them a bill for half the wedding costs since their daughter tried to ruin it. They raised that monster, they can pay since it’s a consequence of their lousy parenting.
aquavenatus said:
NTA. You know this means you have to decide whether or not you want to bring any of your future children around your parents because they’ll never stop making excuses for your sister.
She’s gotten away with too much throughout your life, so what’s stopping her from abusing your kids?! Also, make it known to your parents that when they pass, you won’t take care of your sister. They should be making plans for her respite care. Congratulations on your marriage. Enjoy your life without your parents and your sister.
ACM915 said:
NTA- your useless parents have coddle and enabled her behavior her whole life and now they are paying the price of it. I would definitely drop all contact with your sister and go low contact with your parents. They are to blame for a lot of trauma in your life and it's not on you to fix.